Last Splash

Odontophobia...

2011-09-07T20:52:00.000-07:00

So, this is a nice two-part, manic depressive post. In the first part I tell you all about the gripping fear I have of visiting that most common of human fears, the dentist's chair. But don't you worry, because I'm hoping the second part will be a fun roller coaster ride of hilarity.

They say (they, meaning wikipedia, the source of all internet research of mine) that odontophobia in severe cases is typically brought about by traumatic dental experiences that lead someone to develop a fear that makes them avoid the dentist at all costs. I guess I have that in my history. I wish I could seriously post a pic of how screwed up my teeth were circa 1988. I had a constant stream of dental, orthodontic, and surgical appointments to give myself a big old pretty smile. It started out ok and I loved my orthodontist, but somewhere between getting my braces off at 17 and becoming an adult who had to figure out how to PAY for my dentist check-ups I just...stopped going.

And then I got really scared, remembering the shame and admonishment I felt when the dentist told me I didn't floss enough or brush enough or visit often enough. So then it became a fear of just-what-the-hell-will-they-say-when-I-tell-them-it's-been-seven-years kind of anxiety.

But finally, things clicked into place. I was going to get married, I had insurance, and I wanted to look good for my husband. I found an ad for a brand new one-man dental practice that not only specialized in high-fear, sedation dentistry, but also had a coupon for a free teeth whitening treatment. When I called to make the appointment, my palms were sweaty and I was already breathing heavy. I nearly passed out when the receptionist said "oh, well, most people don't need sedation just for a cleaning and exam".

I couldn't have felt like a bigger freak of nature. I was literally crying on the phone. When she told me there were options and that they could certainly help me out, I at least made the appointment.

I was 10 minutes early and sat hyperventilating and crying in the office, with the poor receptionist watching me with pity eyes. (I wish I were exaggerating, but my heart literally speeds up and I have a physiological reaction to seeing the dentist) I was almost ready to bolt when the next words out of her mouth were a balm to my beating heart.

Nitrous. Oxide.

My life has never been the same. I now see the dentist at least once yearly, and if I remembered to make the appointments and he weren't nearly 40 minutes away, I'd go every 6 months. I'm no longer scared of the dentist. At least not mine.

And now, I'd love to share my stream of consciousness (what I can remember of it) from being happily sedated during my dental appointment today.Please, try to keep up...

"Is this lady ever going to stop talking? I don't care where her daughter works. Say Yes to the Dress is on...I hope it's Katiekate's episode. I've been trying to catch it. Damn, this mask is blocking the TV. What's he saying about North Carolina brides? I feel kind of like I'm on a tilt-a-whirl at the fair. Falling backwards. I'm going to crash...just kidding...there's my head again. Whooooooooooo. Wow, I'm gripping this chair pretty tight. Strange, because I'm super relaxed. Katiekate...hmmm...maybe that's her sister there. Oh well, I can't really see it. Hey, these chair arms feel weird...I must be making a face, because she keeps telling me sorry and 'you're doing great'. It feels like she's using a super duper high powered water pic to clean my teeth. But I'm pretty sure they just scrape them, unless they have some really high-tech stuff at this office. I'm never trying another dentist again. Wait, did she just say uh-oh? What if that's blood spurting out of my mouth instead of just water. OK, calm down. That's not blood. Or if it is, I don't care, because I'm falling again. Breathe deeper. Am I grimacing? She thinks this hurts me. I wonder if they're rougher on people with nitrous because they know we don't really care? Hmmm...I could never do this without laughing gas. I MUST remember Katiekate. I should write this down as soon as I get in the car. I don't have a pen. Maybe I'll ask if I can take one. Is that weird? Who cares. I wonder if this is what ether feels like. Cider House Rules was really not the best of John Irving's books, not by a long shot. "Not...at...all" as Jacob says. They really do call this laughing gas. I wish this lasted longer. I think she's almost done. I bet I'm the only high fear dental patient to ever wish my cleaning didn't end. Oh, did he say Outer Banks beach wedding? It's pretty indisputable that North Carolina is the best state ever. Damn. She's almost done. One more deep breath, one more ride on the tilt-a-whirl and....

And she switched me back to oxygen.

I'm counting down to March for my next appointment, with glee.

Cape Lookout

2011-08-26T20:43:00.000-07:00

It's a vacation within a vacation. My absolute favorite place in the world.

And hopefully, it's still there Sunday...

"It's a Doggy-dog World."

2011-08-17T14:38:00.000-07:00

Remember the good old days when dogs slept outside, ate whatever Purina dry food was on sale at the local supermarket, and got kenneled during family vacations?

Yeah, just barely for me, too.

I'm just as guilty as the next gal of treating my dog like a princess. Case in point, after my "big" gender reveal ultrasound with my son, I came home, hugged her neck, and said to her (as if she understood), "you're still my only baby girl!"

She comes on vacations with us, swims in the pool with us (thanks mom and dad), and very occasionally if I know she's just-bathed, sleeps under the covers in the winter.

And today I realized just how much we spoil our pets now compared to 25 years ago.

I went to Pet-Smart to pick up some food. That's all we needed, food. (Which, by the way, usually runs $45 a bag but luckily was on sale so I got it for a steal at $35.) Then I figured, well, they're having a big sale, so I bought some treats that don't expire until October but were almost half off.

Then I wanted to get her a treat I can give her tonight to make up for not taking her with me to the pet store. ::eyeroll at how obnoxious that is::

So I decided to browse and remembered we are going on vacation soon, so I grabbed some coconut scented shampoo b/c she gets frequest baths after playing in the water/sand all day.

Then I decided it would be nice to buy the family dogs (we have no less than 4 dogs that come on our yearly, week-long family vacation) a new toy to have on our trip.

So, $54 later I was walking to the car and thinking about how much the times have changed, how much we spoil our pets now, and what a huge billion dollar industry this must be.

It doesn't matter, though. My dog is truly "part of the family" and we would do anything for her, including buying expensive food and fish oil supplements, taking her to the best vet in town, and making her feel like a valued friend as often as possible.

A Tragic Loss...

2011-07-21T11:44:00.000-07:00

I had a post planned for today.

It was going to be about Big Brother and the comparisons that could be made between the shenanigans on a reality TV show and the whole "Gang of Six" and "Cut, Cap, and Balance" crap going on in Washington.

And then I got an email at work from a friend.

Someone in our community lost her husband yesterday. He was 27 years old. They have a child Jacob's age and a daughter that will be 4 months old next weekend.

Since then, I've been unable to focus on anything except how many frivolous things I get involved with on a daily basis and how much more rich and full my life would be if I put that energy into loving my husband and making our home a calm and peaceful retreat from the stress of everyday life.

If you are the praying type, please send up prayers for this young mother, who now has to make a multitude of decisions about how to move forward from this painful moment in her life.

And if you're not, then give your husband a kiss when you get home, forgive him for the annoying mistake he made yesterday, and be glad that you have him at all.

**If I get any news about memorial funds or anything that can be done for this family, I will post for you all to share. I would prefer to keep her anonymous for now as her blog has not been updated (can you imagine) and I don't know how far into the interwebs she wants this information to travel. Some of you, however, know the story and the names already. If you don't, God will know who your prayers are for.**

One of Those Moments

2011-07-12T18:10:00.000-07:00

I knew we had made a mistake within three steps.

It was a rare night in our household, where it was nearly 9PM and my little guy was still crying in his crib after 30 minutes. My husband had just come upstairs to find me at the computer, trying to shut out the crying, nerves frayed, and gave me some much needed relief when he said, "this isn't normal...we should go check".

So we walked in, and I saw Jacob turtled on his "pillow" in the corner of the crib, not standing as I'd expected. ::sigh:: Wrong move, mom. Confirmed after he sat up, glared at us, and shouted "No, Mommy! No, Daddy!" before continuing to sob.

But, we were in, and there was no turning back. So I shooed daddy out, picked up my sweet baby boy, and sat down in the rocker as he frogged me, his sobs turning to gentle hiccups as he relaxed. We sat like this for a long while, me just smelling his hair and kissing him way, way too much above the ear.

After a little bit (who is to say, time was standing still), I whispered to ask if he was still awake, he lifted his head and just looked at me, exhausted.

"Do you want to get back in your bed?" I tried gently. He shook his head no. "Do you want me to hold you like a baby?" This is our code for his favorite pre-bed position since he was six weeks old, roughly. He didn't answer, but leaned as far to his right (facing me) as he could, and I let him relax. Holding him in my lap, his head on my left arm, with my right arm supporting his legs, his left arm draped over mine, he finally succumbed.

And for the first time in over a year, I got to watch my baby fall asleep.

Y'all, nothing else matters. This was a gift, and I would have gladly given up chocolate and cheese for a year of holding this child while he slept in my arms.

Oh, am I Lucky...(WMW Post)

2011-07-06T08:16:00.000-07:00

I'm linking up for the first time in a while with Julia and the gang at Working Mom Wednesday. Are you a working mom? Check us out!

As I am not a very good scheduler in the least (you can expect if I say "we'll be there no later than 10" you will see me around 10:30) I have chosen today's second prompt: would you rather have a large salary and crappy benefits or a smaller salary and stellar benefits?

As someone who has been in both positions, I can definitely say "Option B, Alex".

See, before kids I worked in retail management and I did this in some capacity or another for almost 10 years. I was 26 years old, in the mid-2000's, no kids, newly married, buying my first house, making close to 50 grand with no college education. I felt special, as if I had somehow charmed my way into being someone I shouldn't be. (Looking back, obviously I worked hard for that position.) Our benefits were better than most retail companies: I got 3 weeks of paid vacation, 4 personal days a year, and sick time when my store wasn't too short-staffed to manage without me (ok, so I rarely got sick time).

On the other hand, I only got one full weekend off a month, had to work until 10PM twice a week, and some weeks (during floor changes and inventory) worked well over my salaried 40 hours. I had to bow out of last minute weekend trips to the beach and turn down free college football tickets while all of my friends went tailgating on Saturdays. I was beginning to imagine raising a child in all of this and thought we could make it work, but looking back, I am SO GLAD I lost that job. The company has gone through rough times, been bought and sold and their commitment to a "work-life balance" is nearly non-existent at this point.

And then there's my job now. I started at the ground floor, doing a job that a lot of people feel is suited for a retiree or college student, and taking a cut in salary back to what I was making as a 21 year old in my first assistant manager retail position. But as I've learned this new world of banking and all of it's intricacies and regulations and audits, I have fallen in love. Sure, I have the occasional complaint about the battle between salespeople and operational people. Sure, I have clients that sometimes are like a stump in the thick mud I'm trying to navigate. Sure, I occasionally talk my husband's ear off on our commute home at the crazy thing that happened this morning. But overall, I love being able to pack up at 5PM (ish...sometimes 5:30) and head home.

Friday nights have a new meaning: a relaxed family night where we're not as strict on Jacob's bedtime and we don't feel the rush-rush-rush to get dinner made, eaten, baby bathed and in bed within 2 hours of getting home. And I now know the feeling of having the whole (3-day Holiday) weekend stretched out before me, with no mind paid to work whatsoever. I traded in my lovely weekday off for having off Columbus and President's Day, Memorial Day, Labor Day, Veteran's Day, and any other day the Federal Government deems a holiday. I was paid in full for 8 of the 12 weeks I was home on maternity leave for doing absolutely nothing for this company.

The typical benefits are pretty similar to what I was getting in retail, comparable vacation-sick time. Slightly better health benefits (I paid $750 total for my entire pregnancy from the first visit to the surgery to the 6 week follow up.)

But the work-life balance benefits are incomparable. And worth every bit of the $48,000ish (before taxes) that I've "lost" over the last 3 years.

"Discipline" Success!

2011-06-28T07:53:00.000-07:00

I mean, my kid is 22 months old, so there's really no such thing as discipline right now. I'm still figuring out how I feel about the whole "discipline" thing with a toddler. I've been reading up and I guess I fall somewhere in the middle: I don't think he "gets it" all of the time, but I do feel that in my home it's important for us to start laying the foundation of what is acceptable and what is not early.

I have a few friends that are all about the "redirection only" methods and to be honest, it just sounds like they live in households centered around their child and what he wants. For me, that feels like it would create a kid a few years down the road that would have a really tough time accepting rules and boundaries and other people's wishes.

So far, discipline has been frustratingly exhausting, mentally, physically, and emotionally. Jacob either doesn't realize he's being punished and sits in time out chattering to himself and playing with his shoes until I come over to have our "follow up", where he looks me in the eye and tells me what I want to hear so he can go play, or I get all-out tantrums complete with hitting, kicking, screaming and wailing. Neither is fun, or feels like we are getting anywhere.

But yesterday, I MIGHT have had a breakthrough!

Lately he wants us to carry him ALL.THE.TIME. He has begun refusing to walk on his own to/from daycare or anywhere, and just whines and tries to block our way until we cave. So I didn't cave. The process looked a little like this:

"Mama, hold again," while reaching up.
"No, we're going to hold hands and walk today," so I take his hand, and he instantly becomes a sack of potatoes, throwing himself to the ground and trying to wrench his shoulder out of socket. So I let go, let him tantrum, and say "I'm going to keep walking now".
"Bye," he screams at me through tears, until I get too far for comfort, then he runs towards me crying hysteerically as if I have just dropped him off at a baby insane asylum, never to return.
I stop, let him catch up, say, "are you ready to hold hands and walk now?"
"No, hold again," and lather, rinse, repeat.
This was our process all the way from his classroom to the front door. It took over 10 minutes.

I finally carried him outside and we sat on the bench. We had a nice chat while he was sitting in my lap about how I needed him to be a big boy and walk, and how I was never going to leave him behind, but I couldn't always carry him. And then I made a deal. "How about you hold my hand and we walk all the way across the parking lot, and if you can walk with me like a big boy, we'll go look at the bus up close?" THAT got his attention. And then we did...walk all the way across the parking lot. He was awesome, and I told him so.

And then I picked him up and carried him to the car. As a reward for both of us for staying calm (me) and listening to mommy (him).

Long Time Coming

2011-06-23T09:44:00.000-07:00

I've needed a change. For a while, now. I mean, in most every area of my life. So, let me fill you in on what's been going on with me.

I'm fat. That's been established. I tried to start a "lifestyle change" in January, lost about 8 lbs, then gained 15. Three weeks ago, I was at my heaviest weight ever (not including pregnancy): 248lbs. So I joined myfitnesspal.com and hooked up with some amazingly motivating ladies from a message board I am on, and have lost 9 pounds in 3 weeks. My food diary is public, so the real motivating factor has been me knowing that other people can see what I'm eating. I do not like being judged on weight, especially not when I know it's utterly my fault for looking like this.

What I am even MORE proud of than the weight loss, though, is the fact that I have had fast food only once in the last three weeks, and had a Coke only twice. It's getting a craving, and still making the choice to eat something different when my mind is saying "Godiva chocolate cheesecake" that impresses me. I hate those diet articles in magazines that say crap like "when you want salty chips, eat veggies and hummus instead" or "choose a piece of fruit instead of a chocolate chip cookie". WTF? I don't want a freaking apple, and my body is smarter than that. If I give it nuts and an apple, it's going to cross it's arms and roll it's collective eyes and be all "this bitch HATES me". And then it will rebel.

But it hasn't. I feel more confident than ever that I can make the right choice 85% of the time, and forgive myself and let it go the other 15.

Also, in other news, I'm raising a toddler. And coming off the heels of the 18 months that I was most terrified of, I thought, this parenting thing is going to be so much easier than I expected. Pre-schoolers have always loved me, listened to me, and done whatever I asked them to. Um, yeah right. Schooled me. The last 6 months have been incredibly difficult as I have dealt with feelings of intense mommy guilt, not feeling like a good parent, not being patient enough, not giving my son enough credit for the great things he does, dwelling on the negative, and basically thinking that he would be better off with anyone besides me for a mom.

It's almost been like I caught post-partum depression, 18 months late.

So I started seeing a counselor. And while I won't go into detail, it has so far been so wonderfully freeing to listen to someone tell me that I'm normal, that I don't need to be embarrassed that I have more internet friends than real life friends, and that I should work on not worrying as much about what other people have going on and how it compares to me.

The only thing that has helped me get through this rough patch more than these appointments (other than a supportive husband who has definitely pulled more parenting duty lately to release some of my burden) are 22 of the most amazing women I have ever known. Every day they confirm for me that my child is not a hellion (or at least not the only 22-month old hellion out there) and that we will all get through this. So far it's been 3 years, give or take, that we've "known" each other, and I hope that it lasts a lifetime, whether we ever get to meet in person or not. And even though I tell them this on our page on occasion, I wanted some PUBLIC way to let them know how much they mean to me. You all know who you are, and I thank God every day for that fateful day when a handful of assorted women climbed into a "tub" together and let their guards down.

"Talent is Universal, Opportunity is Not"

2011-05-04T09:30:00.000-07:00

Even my cold, dark, anti-socialism Libertarian heart can agree with the title's sentiment. People in all parts of the world, advantaged and disadvantaged, have the talent necessary to change themselves and the world around them. Unfortunately, in some areas, these people are struggling to survive and need a little boost to be able to activate that talent. One of my very best friends in the world works for an organization that helps give the people living in the largest slum in Kenya the means and motivation to do just that.

Goodreads is giving away a wonderful Memoir/Social Activism Manifesto (my words) book called It Happened on the Way to War by Rye Barcott. I recently had a chance to see Rye speak and give a presentation on the book and his charitable organization Carolina for Kibera. The book itself costs $26 in hardcover, a reflection of the $26 loan that Rye gave a struggling nurse to start a vegetable selling business. I have not finished my copy yet, but eventually this nurse turned this $26 (along with help from some others) into a health clinic in one of the poorest parts of the world.

I implore all of you to read this book! No matter where you stand politically, I think we can all agree that helping out our fellow human beings with no expectation of anything in return feels good and right and just, and this book and organization provides me with the drive to want to do more, as much as I can, physically and monetarily to help out people in need. Even if you do not have the means to buy the book or donate to this cause, check out this website: Powerof26.org and take the 26-day challenge to find out more about what life in Kibera and other slums may be like.

And if you'd like a chance to win the book, please go here to enter the giveaway, there is only one day left! Goodreads.com is an awesome website for anyone who likes to read. You can find new books based on friends and strangers reviews of books they've read, and enter reviews of your own.

Vindication.

2011-05-02T07:45:00.000-07:00

Today is quite a day for our American spirit, isn't it?

Last night as we were getting ready to go to bed, just before my husband clicked the power button on the remote, we saw that there was a Special Report coming. Strangely, my husband and I looked at each other as if we knew this was going to be big news. Special Reports come through all the time now...it seems that our media can't get through a regularly scheduled program if something so mundane as Lindsay Lohan leaving a club drunk or the Obamas' dog taking a leak on the South Lawn happens, so typically we just watch with mild interest and little to no expectation that something meaningful has actually occured.

And then we heard. And unexpectedly, tears started rolling. Now, some of my emotional reaction may be attributed to hormones. I am female, I was in that prime week for tears between ovulation and menses, when something as small as the dog deciding to roll in something nasty can send me into a fury that only ends with me crying while bathing her, a sobbing mess.

But the more I mull my feelings over, the more I feel that the tears were an entirely appropriate reaction. I lost no family in 9-11. I have no close family or friends that are active duty military, or even firefighters. But I am American, and I am human. I cried for all of the servicemen and women that have fought for our freedom for so long, and tried to explain to my husband how I felt so proud and happy for them, that they can finally feel as though all of this war has not been futile. We have now killed the mastermind behind the attack that changed so much about our country forever.

And as a Christian, I cried because the feelings of revenge and jubilation at another's lost life are difficult to reconcile. I am not supposed to rejoice over another human being's death, even after hearing him laugh at how the destruction of 9-11 was more than even he had imagined in all of his optimism. This is a man that rejoiced that more lives were lost than even he hoped for. What's wrong with mourning the death of a monster? Mostly, I rejoice because my Faith in Christianity comforts me. It helps me know that when I die, I will not be in the same pane of existence as Osama Bin Laden. Whether he has 99 virgins or the fires of hell, I will not be there with him.

Sadly, a day that all Americans should be enjoying is instead colored by the inane political punditing that follows any big announcement. I prefer to stay out of that fray. To imply any conspiracy theories about this being a political ploy to kick-off President Obama's re-election campaign is ridiculous and asinine. It is also calling our president a liar. That does not sit well with me. Policy-wise, I may disagree with how our President wants our country to be run in 90% of the major decisions to be made, but that does not diminish this important victory that our troops have carried out under his command. And I say shame on anyone who wants to make this about something it's not.

I, for one, and feeling vindicated.

WMW: A Perfect Day.

2011-04-20T12:27:00.000-07:00

Linking up with my fellow WM's over at Working Mommy Wednesday!

Days like today are the best thing ever about being a working mom.

My son is sick. He has an infection in his left eye and left ear. (Sidenote: last night in the tub I asked him to show me his left hand, right hand, left foot, right foot, and he KNEW them. CRAZY!) There is a possibility that it is viral, so he had to stay home from daycare today.

Now, I have been swamped at work, I'm already short an employee, and I have a duty at work that I really have to be there to do. I don't have the kind of job that I can ever "work at home". But, being a om comes first and always will, and Wednesday is the best possible day for me to skip if I must. My mother, who usually can watch Jacob on short notice, is in Philadelphia visiting my week old nephew, and my hubby will already be staying home with the baby on Friday when daycare is closed. So today, it's mommy.

I did have to get some things done, though, so after the doctor's appointment and picking up antibiotics, we drove into Raleigh to my office and my coworkers played with Jacob while I took care of some things. After that it was almost time for Daddy's lunch break, and we were passing his office on the way home anyway, so we swung by to show our greatest achievement off and then all had a family lunch date.

Now, the boy is getting some much needed rest while Mama is catching up on some much needed blogging (and online bra-shopping) time. I have been needing to purchase some new bras for ages. I weaned completely two months ago, and stopped nursing during the day when I would be wearing a bra LONG before that, so there is NO excuse for me to still be wearing nursing bras. Except that work has blocked my favorite bra website as inappropriate, so I can't even shop during my lunch break.

So, that's what this mama is doing today, and it's glorious. Now I shall retire downstairs to inventory and put away everything that arrived in our Produce Box today and do some cooking.

Proud to be...From NC!

2011-04-18T11:40:00.000-07:00

I know, I know. It seems like the once monthly posts I've been making have all been asking for money for one charity or another. But as a Libertarian who feels very passionately about not letting the government decide what causes my money needs to support, the flip side is that I feel very strongly about people who are thankful for what they have (and by all accounts recognize that there are others in more dire straits than they) give passionately and freely of their time, money, and resources to help those that need a boost.

This weekend and today, I am proud to see these mantras in action across my community as locals mobilize with the Red Cross, the SPCA, and other non-profits to help their neighbors that fared less fortunate from the rash of tornadoes that bombarded our state. Our local radio shows this morning were broadcasting from sites around Raleigh, helping drive food and cash donations to the areas that need them most. I was one of the lucky ones: sandwiched safely with at least a 5 mile buffer from either tornado that passed northwest and southeast of us.

Don't get me wrong, having a child makes those of us who used to be the vaguely amatuer storm-chasing type turn suddenly into Supermom. Luckily we never had to wake our sleeping babe up, but I can promise you that if my downstairs half bathroom had anything else stored in it during the two hours we watched the local newstation and waited to see if it would be our turn next, we would not have been able to fit in there. I had blankets, an overnight bag, for DS, snacks and juice, a weather radio, a flashlight, my purse with all keys and cell phones and wallets stashed safely inside, and our video and point and shoot cameras. If we had to leave our house after a tornado, I was prepared.

For others in my community, like the mother who lost two of her four children while huddled inside their trailer's closet, or the families who have lost everything but their lives and the clothes on their backs, I am impassioned to help as I have seen so many others doing today. I need to donate my bag of food to the food bank, and I also need to take that small bonus I got from work and put it to good use with the American Red Cross. If you feel impassioned to do the same, I would be ever so appreciative. As one of the rare North Carolinians who were actually born and raised here, I care about it's people. My people.

I'm Doing Something Good for a Change!

2011-03-24T08:55:00.000-07:00

The March of Dimes is one of those organizations that just work. Who doesn't love babies, right?

I have personal experiences with premature birth. Without the technological advances made possible by the research and development supported by the March for Babies, I wouldn't have my son. Mostly because my husband would not have survived after being born at 32 weeks way back in the 1970's.

I cannot imagine how different my life would be if I hadn't met my husband. I may have never wanted kids, I wouldn't have the awesome network of in-laws that are really just my family as much as my own blood relatives are. I wouldn't have the most hilarious, precocious, prissy 3 year old niece in the world, who makes me laugh the way she loves to boss her little cousin Jacob around. I may have never understood the blinding pain that a loss to premature birth causes for the parents and everyone who already loved a little girl we were waiting to meet.

I am walking this year in honor of all of these things, and I hope that any of you who feel moved donate to help prevent more heartache in the future. You can use the button on the side of my page to donate, and I never see any of your info: your money goes straight to the March of Dimes.

Feeling Blah About Dinner?

2011-03-22T10:00:00.000-07:00

Please, allow me to help, with my second installment of a "kitchen sink" type recipe, when you just pull out whatever veggies you need to cook in your fridge/freezer and go to town.

I was lucky enough to shop at Trader Joe's on my lunch break yesterday, and was inspired by seeing the broccolini and blue lake green beans, two family favorites. (I was also inspired by their hella cheap French wine selection.) But I could just as easily make this without grocery store shopping with the frozen peas, frozen broccoli, and cream cheese that I almost always have on hand.

I hope you enjoy as much as me...please let me know if you do!

This is a very easy weeknight meal, esp. if you use presliced veggies or do prep the night before. If I hadn't had to do the cutting board prep, I could have easily had this meal on the table in 25 minutes.

3 cups penne pasta, uncooked
2 Tbsp. Italian Dressing (feel free to omit and use whatever herbs/vinegar/oil you have on hand)
3oz prscuitto, cut into strips or diced (I roll them to dice easier)
1 bunch broccolini
1 1/2 cups fresh green beans, cut into 2" pieces
8 oz mushrooms (I used presliced baby bellas and rough chopped them smaller)
1 cup fat-free reduced-sodium chicken broth
4 oz. (1/2 of 8-oz. pkg.) Philadelphia® Neufchatel Cheese, cubed
1 pint cherry tomatoes, cut in halves
1/4 cup Parmesan Cheese, grated

(You can sub or add so many things to make this different each time: red bell pepper, asparagus, zuchinni, frozen peas, chicken cubes, any veggie in season or whatever you have in the fridge.)

1.) Cook pasta as directed on package.

2.)Meanwhile, heat skillet over med-high heat and add proscuttio, cooking until crispy. Remove from pan and set aside.

If there is not enough oil leftover to coat the veggies, add a little olive oil to pan. Add vegetables; cook 10 to 12 min. or until veggies are beginning to soften, stirring frequently (you can also cover to let them cook a little quicker after you saute them a bit. The liquid released from the mushrooms will "steam" them.)

3.)Add broth and cream cheese; cook 1 min. or until cheese is melted, stirring constantly. Once sauce starts to come together and cream cheese is mostly melted, add tomato halves and stir just until they start to "wilt".

4.)Drain pasta; return to pot. Add proscuttio and vegetable mixture; toss lightly. Cook 1 min. or until heated through. (Sauce will thicken up standing.)

5.)Top with fresh grated parmesan and black pepper, if desired.

My husband told me that it may be the best thing I've ever made. ::swoon::

The original idea for this recipe should be credited to Rachael Ray, but I took major liberties with the execution, so this is indeed "my" recipe.

The Whole Debt-Free Thing?

2011-03-17T08:22:00.000-07:00

Thank you to TurboTax for sponsoring my writing about household finances.Learn more about how TurboTax can help you find every tax deduction you deserve. I was selected for this sponsorship by the Clever Girls Collective, which endorses Blog With Integrity, as I do.

Yeah, so back in October my husband and I attended a Dave Ramsay seminar. It was inspiring, it was relevant, it was motivating, and we were going to come home, make a budget, and be debt free within a year. To our credit, we are lucky enough to not carry as much debt as the average American household, but we knew if we didn't change some things we eventually would reach that number.

We had switched back and forth about managing our family's finances for a while, but one thing we had rarely done was sit down and have a budget meeting, and make decisions together. Dave's comments about the roles of the two heads of household and why budget meetings were tough fit us to a tee. My husband makes excel spreadsheets of our income and output, including the amount we pay in taxes and social security, in his free time for fun.

He also does supernerd things, like this one time when he made himself a fake student ID to get basketball and movie tickets.

I check our balances each week, make payments as I feel like it, and forget our online banking passwords. If you even say "budget meeting" to me I get the hives.

I try to contribute to the family finances in a positive way, too. I am a coupon QUEEN, and love finding good deals. I will not pay more than $2 for a box of cereal or $1 for a pound of pasta. I have a very well stocked pantry, so if we have to go into hiding we'd be okay if we found some clean water.

I have about 4 priorities when I get on the computer for personal use: email, facebook, blog, Amazon. Now and then I might think to Twitter, or shop for bras (that never ends up well), or visit my favorite mommy message board, but I never, ever think "It's time for our budget meeting!"

So, things I like to do to procrastinate on the dreaded budget meeting. Because I am a master procrastinator.

1) Say I want to put a new background on my blog. Since I am HTML-illiterate, this could take upwards of three hours, and is good for multiple excuses.

2) Tell my husband that I couldn't get my blog template to work, so that he spends budget night trying to help me upload a new one.

3) Sign up to be bracket manager for our March Madness pool, and then remind him each night that he needs to get his picks set.

4) Feed my little guy spaghetti for dinner, guaranteeing a bath night.

5) Offer to do laundry for my hubs, and therefore spend multiple hours folding the backlog of clean, wrinkled laundry in the bonus room floor.

6) Make sure there are plenty of back episodes of Kill It, Cook It, Eat It on the DVR.

7) Remind husband that I do occasionally have a blogging deadline, that I procrastinate to the last day (as usual) and I MUST use the computer that night to blog.

I could go on, but I think you get my point!

No, really, next week, we HAVE to have a budget meeting.

WMW: Advice for Returning to the Workforce

2011-03-16T07:47:00.000-07:00

I love, love, love linking up to Julia's Working Mommy Wednesday prompts. Sadly, the reality of being a working mommy is sometimes that the blogging takes a back seat, and boy has work made me re-rpioritize my needs lately!

But I'm here now, and ready to give advice to any mom out there about to return to the workforce.

My own experience has been great: the number one catalyst to that is the childcare experience. I know some people out there think that daycare is the devil and that no one could ever care for you child as well as you. Sometimes, I think that's just not true. My son has had about 5 different primary teachers, and several assistants and other teachers come into contact with him in the last year and a half, and I am so thankful for every single one. We have loved them all for different reasons, but you cannot argue with a child who chants his teachers' names when we pull into the parking lot, or runs in to see his friends. He is HAPPY there, and that is the number one most important aspect of finding childcare that mom will feel comfortable with.

Of course, as happy as he is, nothing beats the feeling I get when I walk in the door to pick him up and that slow grin just spreads across his face because no one will ever replace mommy.

In the early days, I must say that I was very thankful that my little guy's daycare was so close to my work. Being able to go and nurse him during my lunch break just made the transition to being away from mommy for 9 hours a day much easier. Even if you are not breastfeeding, that little break in the day to cuddle your infant can really rev you up for the rest of your work day. Nowadays, there's no way I could drop by in the middle of the day and leave him there, or I would cause an epic meltdown.

As far as mom's health goes, reach out to your boss before returning to work and discuss the expectations. I know that you may work in a job where you need to "catch up" as soon as you get back, but don't let than mean working long hours. You need to be a mommy first, and no matter how hard it is, work has to come second. Make sure you discuss how things will be if baby gets sick: who will stay home, how much sick/vacation time do you have available for that, how does your boss/company/state laws feel about pump breaks? I know the logistics are hard to think about when you're home with your baby with nothing to do but take care of them, but I highly recommend a conversation about these things before returning to your job. Once you arrive, it will stress you out even more to have expectations sprung on you.

Other than that, know that your emotions are valid, that every mom goes through the guilty feelings, and that your child can and will thrive even without you there 24/7. In fact, although I can admit it doesn't work for every family/child, I think my child is more advanced in every area and is rewarded by the social interaction more than he is held back by not being with his mom as much.

I am so proud of him, and I cherish every weekend and evening even more because our time together is so valuable.

Ahem...we Have a Winner!

2011-03-01T10:11:00.000-08:00

So, I did not fall off the place of the fanet. (I seriously just typed that, and it will not be corrected.)

I have been super-swamped at work, and we have a little internet rule at home about no computer time while my son is awake. And sometimes I really do like to spend time with my hubby, so instead of blogging or twittering at night, I've been spending some quality time (and also keeping my kitchen clean).

That being said, I DO have a winner for my Celia Rivenbark book giveaway!

True Random Number Generator Min:1 Max:17 Result: 3 Powered by RANDOM.ORG

So, Kelley from Kelley's Break Room, shoot me a line and I'll put you in contact with Celia herself! I know you will be excited!

TWO Giveaways!!!

2011-02-16T08:23:00.000-08:00

So, I want to give everyone ample time to enter my giveaway!

Remember that I am vote-whoring, so you can vote for me EVERY DAY to gain additional entries: just click that little link on the right that says "Picket Fence Blogs" and that will gain me a vote.

I also want to share another giveaway with you: KDBuggieBoutique is giving away a nursing wrap from the cutest Etsy shop ever. (Seriously, this mommy makes these adorable little take-along horse and race tracks to throw in your "mom" bag to take along to restaurants, waiting rooms, etc. I have never seen anything like them...so cool!)

Sexy is Invalidated.

2011-02-14T09:17:00.000-08:00

So, in honour of "V-Day" or that holiday that shall remain nameless (kidding, my husband is sweetly spending extra time today to drive all the way to my office to take me to lunch at P.F.Chang's, where we had our first date) I thought I'd bring up the rampant use of the word "sexy" lately.

I've noticed that it's become such a frequently used word in our lexicon that it seems to have lost it's value (kind of like "love" and "obese"). This morning I was listening to a fairly conservative radio talk show and they were discussing a visit to a military base and how "sexy" the young producer looked firing a grenade launcher. I mean, her older female and male peers were all calling her sexy left and right like it was old hat.

I don't consider myself a prude my any means, but I feel like calling someone sexy pretty much should be limited to myself and the hubby in the privacy of our homes or emails, and maybe reserved occasionally when referring to Marky Mark and/or Tim Thomas.

Do you feel like sexy is overused today? What about other words? I'd love to have a real discussion today!

And Now We've Cooooommmmeeee....

2011-02-10T15:04:00.000-08:00

To the end of the road. And I just can't let go.

No, seriously: and here we are.

Tomorrow morning I will nurse my baby boy for the last time.

Honestly, I think that I am doing pretty well this week: I have cherished each wake-up nurse to the best of my ability, and even though I don't know how much he can understand I have talked LO through them, saying things like "this is your last week of mama milk, buddy, are we going to be ok with that?" He either doesn't understand or couldn't care less: he's much more interested in running to the window and saying full sentences like "There goes the bus!"

Overall, I have an overwhelming sense of pride and accomplishment in the bond we've managed to create over the last almost 18-months. Or technically, the last 27 months, as I kind of see breastfeeding as an extension of that "part of each other" bond that started as soon as I began carrying that little zygote way back in November of 08.

I hearken back to a conversation my sister and I had when I was 7 months pregnant. "Are you going to breastfeed?" she asked. "I think I'll try to go until at least 6 months if it works out, but it will be hard to make it after I go back to work full-time." Her response with a sneer: "Why would you only go 6 months? You KNOW 12 months is better!" I'm sure she understands now how frustrating it is to get parenting/pregnancy advice from someone who is not even a parent or pregnant herself, but then I just let it go.

I approached breastfeeding as a good part of our bond, but I had watched too many of my friends beat themselves up when they had a low supply or something prevented breastfeeding from working out for them. So my tactic was "I will try my best, and if it doesn't work out, I'm not going to stress about it." Luckily my guy had a great latch from the first time out of the gate, and I didn't have any issues until I had been at work full time for a few months.

As I got into it and really began to enjoy the ease, the bond, the simplicity of the task of breastfeeding my child, I decided that best case scenario would be for him to self-wean around 18 months. And here we are. Two weeks shy of 18 months and he's no longer asking for it and hasn't batted an eye since his last bedtime nurse two months ago. So it's time for my baby love to be my little boy.

::sigh:: Hopefully I won't be a total hot mess after tomorrow's nursing, but even now just thinking about it is making me cry.

WMW: I Could Use Some Consistency.

2011-02-09T08:42:00.000-08:00

Time for my favorite blog hop, through which I've met some wonderful moms who know all the ins and outs of being a working mother and can commiserate and celebrate with me. Working Mom Wednesday over at WorkWifeMomLife has really kept me blogging when I just feel like I can't come up with anything creative at all.

Which brings me to my point today: my strengths and weaknesses. And I'm not going to focus on the "mom" part, because the prompt is pretty open-ended. Today I will just focus on the "life" part.

Here's the truth: I lack consistency.

I came to this realization while contemplating my strengths and weaknesses. I am in the process of doing my first ever giveaway that someone else is sponsoring, and I get to share it with you guys by my own agressive stab of presentation to the author of my favorite Sunday column. So I was thinking, I can present myself pretty well, right? Yesterday at work I got a quick visit from one of the more executive supervisors in my company, and I think it went really well. I presented myself well. But then I remembered last week when a different executive was visiting, and I worked from home in the morning while waiting for a plumber to come over, didn't bother to do much "presentation" before heading to work, and looked like a hot mess with zero makeup, wash-and-go hair, and a maternity top over my black pants. Not a day where I was so great at presenting myself.

Then I was thinking maybe time management is my strength. My job requires the ability to prioritize (I prefer that term to multi-tasking: I honestly cannot do three things at once very well, but I can do one thing really well while thinking about the next 6 things on my list). I think I manage my time pretty well. But then we have a week where I fall behind slightly, and then decide that I'm too overwhelmed to do anything and end up surfing Amazon for random mom items instead of blogging or actually working on a task for my career.

So my point is: I need to be more consistent. That's my real shortcoming, is that I can never sustain my patience, task management, or presentation skills for very long before I just shut down and become an Internet Zombie who does crazy things like google image search pictures of Marky Mark to drool over. Also, Firehouse Subs sound tasty right now. (See, wandering mind...)

Now that you've read all about my lack of consistency, help me out by voting for me on Picket Fence, following me on Twitter (Ali_LastSplash), retweeting or blogging about my giveaway, and rack yourself up a chance to win a really, really cool book by a sarcastic funny lady. And join us at Working Mommy Wednesday to share your own strengths and weaknesses!

Giveaway: She's Just Like Me, Only Wittier

2011-02-07T10:44:00.000-08:00

I cannot tell all of y'all how excited I am to do this giveaway. First of all, I got to email back and forth with my very own favorite D-list celebrity (she calls herself that, I'm not being mean, andplusalso she is WAY funnier than Kathy Griffin). Her name is Celia Rivenbark, she's a weekly columnist with a syndicated newspaper service so you may already be reading her weekly columns (if not, go HERE and you can...every week) and she also happens to write a series of books that are the perfect antidote to women with senses of humour who need a break from all that "Chicken Soup for the Soul" crap.

Like me, she was raised in North Carolina. Not like me, she's cool. And ROFLMAO funny. And she uses curse words in the most deliciously appropriate way. She's a mom, but not like all the scores of us mom bloggers out there who can think of nothing to talk about except our tots. She actually references other things in life. (They do exist, google it.)

Her books have titles like "Stop Dressing Your Six Year Old Like a Skank" and "Bless Your Heart, Tramp" and "We're Just Like You, Only Prettier" (long before a certain country singer released a song with curiously the same name, as one of Celia's columns recently pointed out).

Seriously, whether you are from the South or not, if you are female, you will be able to identify and laugh along with the stories in this book. I was laughing from the first page, and it was a welcome, refreshing break to read her book after finishing a serious and heart-wrenching novel. My favorite kind of person is one who doesn't take herself (or those around her) so damn seriously, and Celia accomplishes that with a style and flair that I can only be jealous of.

I highly encourage you all to check out her books and BUY them. For yourself for Valentine's Day, for any lady you know going through a tough time who needs a pick-me-up, for a pregnant friend or new mom who barely has time to pee and probably is sick of reading all the "What to Expect" series. The format (short chapters of separate stories) is perfect for busy moms. Or the beach. Or those of us that only seem to get alone time when we're in the crapper.

Being a fellow North Carolinian and a very nice person, Celia has offered to send an autographed copy of her most recent accomplishment "You Can't Drink All Day if You Don't Start in the Morning" to one of my loyal readers. To ensure you get in on these goods, you must be a follower of my blog (or become one) and leave a comment telling me so.

You can also gain extra entries by voting for me on Picket Fence blogs up to once daily, "liking" Celia on Facebook, and finally (THE BIG REVEAL) following me on Twitter @Ali_LastSplash. Please. I don't know how the Twitter thing works, so I'm going to need some friends to educate me. (AJD+Three, I'm talking to you.) Leave a comment for each time you do this. I guess if you "retweet" or mention my giveaway post on your blog, that is an entry, too. Oh Lord, what have I done?

Contest closes 2 weeks from today, winner announced Tuesday Feb 22!

Fill in the Blanks Friday: All Star edition

2011-01-28T07:35:00.000-08:00

For those of you that don't know, I am a huge hockey fan. And my nice little city (or big town) of Raleigh, NC, is playing host to the NHL All-Star game this weekend. You know what that means: downtown is turned into a crazy melee of drunk Canadians, local rednecks who appreciate what it means to be a 'Caniac, and just generally people who like to party.

I'm lucky enough to have a mother in law that loves my little guy (and us) so much that she is babysitting for him tonight so that we can join in the craziness. Woohoo...we're going to party like we did in our early twenties.

Now on to one of my favortie blog hops: Fill in the Blanks Friday over at the little things we do.

1. If my house was on fire and I could only grab 3 things I would grab Jacob, the external hard drive with all of his sweet baby pics and videos, and my wedding dress, all the time yelling to make sure Sidney Bear was running down the stairs behind us (or right under our feet as she tends to do).

2. A smell I really like is there are so many. Camu Camu in my Scentsy warmer, Jacob's neck skin and hair after a bath, the Hermes cologne my husband and I discovered on our honeymoon, and my new perfume, Delices de Cartier. I smell so good I'm attracted to myself since I bought it.

3. Something you might not know about me is my favorite genre of music is old school motown and 60's. I could listen to Sam Cooke, Otis Redding, Marvin Gaye, Gladys Knight and the Pips, Mary Wells, etc. all the time, and I'm dying for that type of music to be made again.

4. Some of my favorite websites to putter about on are TSN.CA (for hockey), Blue Nile (we are finally thinking seriously about replacing my wedding set), and of course the new version of the Bump which shall remain nameless and private for mom bonding and parenting advice. I also highly recommend going through ebates for any online shopping you do to get coupon codes and cash back!

5. This weekend I will Party it up like it was 2002 in downtown Raleigh. First stop: a craft brew and bison burger at the Raleigh version of our favorite college haunt, Natty Greene's. Hanging out for All Star Wide Open. Maybe checking out 3 Doors Down's free concert. And lest you think I am leaving my child all weekend, we plan to take him to NHL FanFair tomorrow and expose him to the hockey culture.

6. Nothing makes me happier than picking my child up from daycare, and that slow sweet smile that spreads on his face when he sees "Ma-MA". And his laugh. And the way he copies me from the backseat.

7. A bad habit I have is procrastinating...break time over. Back to work!

I'm an Old Lady Now?

2011-01-27T10:03:00.000-08:00

So, I can excuse the few instances of "excuse me, ma'am" that I've gotten since I hit my mid-twenties a few (several) years ago. I can excuse not being carded anymore at the ABC store or when buying beer. And I can even forgive my cousin's 8 year old daughter who answered "um, 40?" when she was asked how old I looked. She doesn't know any better, bless her heart.

I work in an industry where I can see people and their birthdates all the time to compare, and while sometimes I think "wow, she does not look a day over 26" when I see a particularly well-kept middle ager, a lot of times I am surprised to look down and see someone younger than myself who looks pretty ragged. For reference, I am 31 (and a half). And I think I look pretty spot-on early thirties.

But recently two occurances have happened that make me think that the stress of life as a mom must really be dragging me down. First, there was that phone call a few weeks ago from a friend at church who needed advice. Now, I'm very flattered that anyone looks up to me when it comes to spiritual/marital advice, truly I am. And I'm very happy to lend an ear and the best advice I can muster when someone trusts me enough to share a tough life situation with me. Especially for this particular person, who I have grown close to.

But the dagger really felt deep when she said, "I mean, I'm so young, I'm only 29, and I really am glad I have an older woman who has experienced so much to confide these things in." My husband can attest that for one of the few times in my life, I was rendered speechless for a moment, almost like someone had thrown a bucket of ice water on me and it jumbled my poor, senile brain. How old does she think I am? was the question on my mind, then and now. I'm scared to ask her.

I had just recovered from this incident when my dear loving husband told me as we were lying in bed last night, "I was looking through so many old photographs from when we first started dating and our honeymoon, and man we look so much older now," he paused briefly before continuing, "I mean, you've aged a lot more than me in that time, but..." ICE WATER IN THE FACE AGAIN. As soon as I could speak without spitting fire at him I said, "yeah, you can file that statement right under 'things you should never, ever say to your wife under any circumstance." He needed more explanation. So I said, "babe, it's right there with 'yes, sweetheart, those pants make your ass look 10X bigger'."

After he tried arguing with me for a while, I finally just had to say "Well, fine then...the only reason you haven't aged as much as me is because all of our friends have told you for 10 years that you look like a 40 year old."

That "don't go to bed angry" rule? Yeah, not so much last night.

WMW: A twofer

2011-01-26T08:08:00.000-08:00

Today, I am participating in both prompts at Working Mom Wednesday. Mostly because I find number one awesomely intriguing and way better than the second, in the scheme of things that matter. But also because I've had it out for Courtney Mazza for a few weeks now.

Yes, I admit it, I am being a judgy breastfedding Nazi. And I don't care if you know. The whole celebrity pregnancy/celebrity raising children thing just befuddles/fasinates/infuriates me on a regular basis. I wish I could sort out who actually does the cooking, cleaning, raising in their household, and who has nanny times 3 to do most of that so that they can come and go into their children's lives exactly as they please. I am very, very lucky to have so much family in the area, and I know some moms are either jealous or judge me for having date nights or adult-outing nights (sans Jacob) at least monthly because we have 3 sets of grandparents as well as an aunt and uncle that are always offering to babysit. But I see some of these celebrity parents going out 2 or 3 nights a week.

What disgusts me even more, is Courtney Mazza (Mario Lopez's baby mama) touting her use of some diet pill to lose her baby weight. First of all, this thing contains Hoodia, which has not been researched enough to gain widespread medical approval for use in weight loss products. It can be a really dangerous substance, even though it's "all-natural". Second of all, her baby is like 6-months old. Why the need to get back into her size-0 jeans so fast? Shouldn't she be concerned with her daughter's health and well-being before worrying about if Mario's eye is straying to a younger, skinnier model yet? (Oh, that's right, kid's fine...nanny's taking care of her.) Third, (and this is where I have to enter my judgy-mom disclaimer) it's obvious that she's not breastfeeding, because that crap she's putting into her body is in no way safe for the possibility of passing it through breastmilk to her daughter. The thing that bother's me the most is that by proclaiming this substance as an ideal alternative to being healthy and losing weight the right way, she is encouraging new moms to run out and buy a dangerous substance to take to lose weight. If they are breastfedding, this is dangerous is so many ways to mom and baby, not to mention the fact that new moms have enough trouble trying to find the time to eat: who needs an appetite suppressant? I seriously worry that new moms will not take in enough calories to sustain the energy to care for their newborn.

Ugh. Rant over, I'm stepping off my soapbox now to bring you a letter from my son.

Dear Mama,

Even though I love it when you let me sleep late on the weekends, and even though I went to bed late last night and only got to sleep for 10 hours, as soon as you walk in I am going to jump up and greet the day. I know you and daddy aren't morning people, so I don't know where I got this energy from, but I love mornings in our house!

It was still dark this morning, and even though it was cloudy, when you opened my blinds and let me look out I tried to tell you that the moon is still out there. I know it is. But that doesn't matter, because it was time for my mama milk, and I got to cuddle with you while you whispered that this was the most relaxing part of your day. I like when you get my blanky out of the crib and wrap it around us. I feel so close to you, mama.

Thanks for reading my favorite Hippopotomus book, too. Since I went to bed late I didn't get to read it last night, so when I asked for a "buh" and pointed to it this morning, I was hoping you wouldn't tell me we didn't have time.

I know you worried about me when I played with the ABC Puppy by myself in the bonus room. You asked if I was coming to your room while you got dressed and seemed surprised when I said "no", but you let me hang in there in the dark with my puppy. It's ok that I'm independent, mama. I still love your cuddles when I feel like it. I'm just a cool dude who is okay sitting in a dark room across the house from you sometimes.

And I miss being around you while I'm getting dressed, but that is my fun time with daddy, and he touches my belly and makes me laugh because it's tickly, and I love when he tells me what a big boy am I because I took the arms of my "supersuit" pajamas off all by myself. It's our time, mama, and it's worth being away from you when I see daddy notice that you spent that time straightening your hair and he tells you it looks pretty.

As much as I love you guys, I love riding to school reading my Barney the Backhoe book and copying the sneeze and cough noises y'all make in the front. And I love when you put me down in front of my classroom and let me walk in by myself. Don't worry about me while you're working. I have so much fun with my friends, eat seconds at snacktime, and my teachers are so nice, but I always remember that you will be there at the end of the day to get me.

Love,
Jacob.

Yes, I Cut in Front of You...

2011-01-24T11:00:00.000-08:00

I must be a really demented person to get some kind of sick joy out of cutting people (legitimately) in line.

Take today for lunch. I am trying to make a lifestyle change (we don't call it a diet in these parts...) but I am also sick for the umpteenth day in a row and had no interest in eating either a frozen lean cuisine or the barley and sausage gruel I brought from home for the 3rd day in a row. What I wanted was a yummy, tasty, hot Philly cheesteak and fresh cut fries fried in trans-fat free peanut oil.

And I know just the place to get it, 4 minutes away by car. Mmmmm......except...they don't publish their nutritional numbers online. My SparkPeople has a problem with this. Not to mention the fact that looking at the amount of sodium in fast food usually curbs the craving just enough for me to resign myself with settling down with the frozen dinner and a People mag.

However, I noticed a nice little kid's meal at the bottom of the menu: "mini" sandwich, smaller than a small fries. PERFECT! I called in my order for a mini grilled artichoke and provolone sandwich with no mayo, add mushrooms, tomatoes, banana peppers, and spicy mustard. I figure that cut about 627 calories by not getting a steak, right? My answer: 10 minutes.

Yum. I walk in 10 minutes later to a line out the door. All the soccer moms with their gaggle of kids out of school for some reason give me the mean eye as I waltz past them. I know they are whispering "is she really cutting us in line?" to each other, but none of them have the balls to say it to my face. Second step, bypassing the herd of healthcare workers with their "free sub" coupons that are just as obese as me and definitely NOT ordering kid size anything to park my behind under the "pick-up orders pay here" sign.

I can feel the healthcare ladies closing ranks behind me, trying to inch closer like they are definitely NOT letting me anywhere near that register before they get their sandwiches. Meanwhile I can see my tiny sub on the back counter, ready to go. So I kindly wait for a break, inform one of the only two people working this busy lunch rush that I'm there for my pick-up order, pay before ANY of those chicks, and walk out happy.

Sorry, ladies, you just got smoked. Next time, call ahead.

MOM-Demonium!!!

2011-01-21T10:43:00.001-08:00

I am spending a chunk of my week shopping/working our local kid's consignment sale. I know that in a lot of areas around the US, these sales can be hit or miss, but the one I'm talking about is Ginormous. Seriously. It takes up two buildings of our State Farigrounds, and is 150,000 square feet. Hundred thousand, you read that right.

As in, an eyebgall estimate puts the amount of play kitchens selling b/t $5-55 around 140. As in, I checked out a family of 4 yesterday buying their entire summer wardrobe. It was 78 pieces of clothing, they probably spent around $200 total. As in, 36 aisles of clothing for children ages preemie through 9th grade.

I love some consignment shopping, and when I'm there I always want to kick myself for buying something at a store, like "why would have ever paid full-price for a lifejacket, when I can come here and find one with tags for $7?" My other finds? A very clean and solidly built toybox for $25, a Kelty hardframe backpack carrier for $30, an Aquadoodle that looked like it had been used 3 times for $2, lots of books and CD's for just a few dollars.

And my favorite: the super-cool and retro Fisher Price cassette player that was just like the ones my husband and I had as kids.

The best deal I saw all day from checking others out? A beautiful vintage Strasburg ivory chiffon overlay dress for $2.

Another reason I love going to these sales are to see the "serious" moms. Now, I'm still pretty much a novice at these events myself...I've only been to three or four. I know enough to go for the big items first, pay and have them reserved, then hit the other rooms. I brought two of my own shopping bags to carry things in, but made the mistake of hitting the books/media room first. No biggie, I needed the exercise of lugging 20 books and DVDs around. It was after I found the Aquadoodle and adorable purple butterfly baby doll stroller that folded up just like a Maclaren that I started to struggle. Specifically, trying to keep track of all of that while shifting through a table of cloth diapers for my sister. Luckily, just when I hit my breaking point I found the Kelty and all was good.

Some of the veterans amaze me, while I secretly judge them for feeling so superior with their fancy home-rigged set-ups. Lots have clothing racks that they wheel around, often with bins duck-taped to the bottom and/or top to put toys. Most have strollers (sans baby) or at least the big plastic Step 2 wagons. My favorite are the ones with rolling trash bins.

And as I contemplate the clutter in my own home and why I feel the need to buy this child even MORE clothes and books, I often wonder if any of the shoppers there are hoarders. I wonder if their children have more stuff than they know what to do with because mom just can't pass up a $1 Gap t-shirt for no other reason than "it's so cheap".

But unlike me, they are probably not so lazy that they don't weed through their own stuff and purge for the sale beforehand, pretty much breaking even.

Sigh. I could get more organized if I didn't sign up to work these events, right?

Behind Her Walls...

2011-01-18T10:39:00.000-08:00

I just finished what quickly became one of the best books I have ever read. It was very tough at times to get through it, as a woman and as a mother, and there were nights I put the book down and cried myself to sleep because I was so invested in the lives of the women in the story.

Although I have been an avid reader from a very young age and I have an active enough imagination to slip into the world of a lot of books I read, rarely does a book affect me this way.

I should also backtrack and point out that I have read several books by American authors of Middle Eastern descent, and the writing is always astounding to me. These are people who speak my language secondly, yet the way they have with words is beyond any imagery I could create.

"A Thousand Splendid Suns" by Khaled Hosseini was on my Christmas list after I read "The Kite Runner" a few years ago and loved it. I knew I would enjoy the book, but I had no idea that as a free Christian woman, I would become so involved with the characters and the storylines. I'm not meaning this to be a book review, and I hate giving spoilers, so I will just wrap up with the thought that this book taught me so much about human nature, as well as how lucky I am to live in this society, in this time and age, when elsewhere in the world women and families are forced to make unimaginably heart-wrenching decisions every day.

Even better, at the end of the book was an answer to the questions that hung around in my subconcious as I was reading: How can I help the people who are living this devestation? And since my goal is to highlight 12 worthy charities in 2011, it is only fitting that I begin with the Khaled Hosseini Foundation. January is even more fitting a time to donate to this organization, as somewhere in Afghanistan a family is struggling to stay warm in a makeshift tent with temperatures of only 19 degrees. Right now, one of these mothers' children the same age as my son is suffering from starvation and clinging to life, while I complain that Jacob's runny nose and cough caused him to wake up at 11PM suddenly, interrupting my viewing of "The Bachelor".

No matter what position in life you are, if ever person who reads my blog only donates $10, we will likely have enough to provide shelter for a family this winter. What could make your January more warm and fuzzy than that?

WMW: The Two Greatest Things From My Kitchen!

2011-01-12T06:56:00.000-08:00

Okay, maybe 3 if I can find the other one.

Today is share your favorite recipe day over at Working Mommy Wednesday, and I am totally, completely unprepared. As you can see by my post this weekend, I have spent my evenings with my husband watching various sporting events (the National Title Game should start an hour earlier...it ended after MIDNIGHT Monday!) and have not prepared for today's prompt.

Luckily, I love to blog recipes from time to time, so I am linking to a few of my favorites. First up is my go to meal for the nights when you are just too busy to do anything else: chicken and apple sausage. So, so easy. And so good. And perfect with a good local craft beer. Yum!

Second, we'll go with something I'm really proud of: one of my first fly-solo, no-recipe, throw-some-crap-in-a-pan-and-see-if-it's-good recipe. I guess this is called American Chicken and Pasta. I promise, it's easier than you think, and tasty.

And then for dessert. I love to bake. Seriously love it, and it's becoming a hobby of mine. When I'm cash-strapped, one of my fave things to give someone for their birthday is a fabulous birthday cake. I make a carrot cake that has had more than one person say it was the best they've ever had, and one year I made my mom a beautiful white chocolate, lemon, and blueberry cake. But the recipe that I have gotten the most compliments on from people who have tasted it and made it themselves, is my Banana Cupcakes. You HAVE to make this, if you even like banana a little bit. Absolutely delicious. And it has fruit it in. No worries!

If you have something tasty to share, or have just discovered our Working Mommy Network, head over to Julia's blog at Work Wife Mom Life to link up. Even if you don't cook, you can blog on our other prompt today!

I'm Becoming the Woman My Husband Married...Again.

2011-01-09T17:32:00.000-08:00

Yes, folks, I have changed.

My dear husband loooooves to talk about how "all the guys at work" warned him that his beer-swilling, sports-loving, foul-obscenity-at-a-hockey-game-shouting girlfriend would, within 3 months of the wedding, shrivel into a ball at the other end of the couch, engrossed in a magazine with a mug of hot cocoa and look up slightly annoyed at him when he asked her to watch that play again. I used to scoff. I mean, really, I was the one that talked my husband into spending the $1500 we planned to use on a honeymoon to Europe on Stanley Cup Finals tickets (and it was worth every.stinking.penny). I was the woman who made sure that if there were ever a day that her Sunday evening was clear, it was definitely Selection Sunday.

It was my idea to fill his brother's office with orange and blue balloons when the Tigers beat the Yankees in the playoffs. It was I who stayed up until after 1AM watching Dave Roberts steal a base and jump start the Red Sox on their way to coming back from a 3 game deficit to win the ALCS (shame on him for falling asleep, who DOES that?) I was the first one of us to participate in a Fantasy League (and win), the girl who bought a one-way ticket to DC a few hours before the flight on a whim to go watch NCSU play in the NCAA tournament, the girl who was excited to win a bus trip to an away hockey game on a dial-in radio show, the girl who once peed in a parking deck in Philadelphia.

Okay, I'm not sure what the last one had to do with sports, but you get what I'm trying to say, right? I was a guys' girl.

Only they were right. Fast forward a little way into our marriage. Fights ensued over if we were watching Grey's Anatomy or the hockey game. I stopped watching the NFL playoffs, lost interest in the World Series unless the Sox were playing (or the Yankees were losing), and stopped requesting off the Thursday and Friday of the NCAA tournament. Over time, other things have grabbed my attention, seemed more exciting. I've become entranced in my world of blogging, literature, and let's face it, tabloid magazines. I will admit that a few times this season, I missed an entire NCSU football game, even once due to choosing to take a bubble bath. I have not owned up to my end of the "sport's wife" bargain.

But this week, something changed. I don't know if it was my husband's excited reaction when one of "The Bachelor" contestants mentioned that her entire life revolved around sports, or if it was watching our college basketball team annihlate an ACC opponent for the first time, um, ever, but my love for b-ball has gotten a swift kick in the rear. What has happened to me, I asked myself? I used to read the sports page, used to know who was in the top 25 in college basketball and football, who the points and goaltending leaders were in the NHL, who the Chargers had to beat to make the wild card (unfortunately, I know what the outcome of that one was this year). Whatever it was, I have found myself excited to watch basketball this weekend. More than excited...I left my family at the dinner table at my parents' house tonight to watch the Kansas-Michigan game go into OT. I am trying to wrap this post up as fast as possible so that I can go hopefully watch Duke kick some serious Maryland ass. I can tell you who the unbeaten teams are in the NCAA b/c I looked it up as soon as I got some internet time this weekend.

I'm already thinking about March Madness. And who will be in my Final Four. Madness. We call it that for a reason.

I have to go now, but my husband thanks you for sparing me. Despite the fact that I'm female and therefore will never know quite as much about basketball as he does, he appreciates having his sports-watching wife back. Sans magazine.

Warmer Weather Will Arrive Eventually. Right?

2011-01-07T07:27:00.000-08:00

Ah, here it is: a rare moment to blog from home, peacefully, with a napping, sick babe in the next room. I was kind of looking for an excuse to sleep late, cuddle with my son for a few hours just the 2 of us, and spend the morning in my pajamas. I know I have to go to work eventually today, but after the week I had, I am spending Friday morning blissfully alone except the child and the dog.

And I can participate in Fill in the Blank Friday without having to bang out a 5 minute post while frantically trying to finish my sandwich/fruit/whatever else I'm eating these days. Today, it's all about daydreaming for those warmer days to come.

1. Winter is Fun for a few days, but I would much rather be watching the spring buds come out, or having one of those freakish 70 degree days that we get in January in NC sometimes, instead of watching the news reports of more impending snowfall to come next week.

2. Summer is way too hot around here, and the heat lasts too long. But it is most definitely a good excuse to drink that Red Oak I finally found bottled in a grocery store and think about grilling a fantastic burger with cheddar and pickle slices.

3. If it were summer instead of winter right now I'd o swim in my parents pool this weekend. I never thought I'd live only 5 miles from my folks, but at the top of my list of good reasons to be close by is the fact that a cool pool beckons any time I can't take the heat, and I can put to good use my old Water Safety Instructor and Lifeguarding courses by teaching my son to swim.

4. My favorite thing to do in winter is spend a Saturday morning in PJ's with my family. Hubby makes breakfast and then we relax in the living room, watching last night's 20/20 while the boy brings us books to read to him.

5. My favorite thing to do in summer is No doubt, grill out. A steak, brats, hamburgers, doesn't matter. The grill is king at our house in the summer.

6. The ideal outfit for a sunny summer day is denim capris (I don't do shorts) and my favorite light, gauzy, flowered button down cap sleeve shirt. And barefoot, with flip-flops by the door for going outside.

7. The ideal outfit for a frigid winter day is JEANS. I love jeans. And probably a sweater, boot socks, boots, and my lovely black peacoat. And gloves.

WMW: I Challenge Myself to Enjoy a Holiday

2011-01-05T06:45:00.000-08:00

People keep asking me "How was your Christmas?" And I'm not quite sure how to respond. I think mostly I feel guilty, and I must move past that, like yesterday.

The truth is, I didn't enjoy Christmas this year. I tried to force myself to, and I had my moments like the Friday night date shopping with my husband and stopping for cupcakes at a downtown shop afterwards that were absolutely memorable, but overall, I felt so stressed, so overwhelmed, and so let down by the weather that I just couldn't move past it.

I think I set up a lot of expectations for my son's first "real" Christmas (he was 4 months old last year) that I forgot all about just letting myself enjoy the season, no matter what traditions we accomplished. I really wanted to take my son to go see lights this year, but every weekend it rained or snowed, which is in no way normal for NC and really thrw a kink in our plans. I'm sure we could have figured out a way to go on a weeknight, but December was a tough month at work as well. Demands and goals and expectations have changed, and lately it has not been the kind of job where I can "take off early" one afternoon on a whim.

I also was excited to put our Christmas tree up, but again, with the weather, we never got around to it and the last weekend we were left staring each other, saying "it's not worth it to go through all that effort for one week". So my sweet toddler did not have a tree in his own home. Santa had to leave his presents laid out on the couch. My husband at least managed to dig out our stockings, so that was a tradition left unharmed. (Sidenote, kind of gross: apparently at some point in Dec 2009 my son spit up on a corner of his stocking...ewwww...what a surprise!!!)

We also started some new traditions of sorts: we attended the Christmas Program at our church, and invited our closest friends and their kids over for a spaghetti/Festivus gathering. I hope that these will be added to our busy Christmas event season, because I actually enjoyed them so much.

Jacob's nap schedule threw a kink into our plans as well: we ended up showing up anywhere between 30 minutes and 2 hours late for our family events. I'm not even kidding: we made it to exactly 2 out of 6 actually on time. This is not what I want to be known for. I also stress-ate my way through the holidays. I am not lying when I say I gained almost 10lbs since Thanksgiving.

Despite all of this, I feel very blessed to have a healthy, loving son who was the life of the party all December, a wonderful husband who has been my equal partner the last few months when it comes to childcare and getting everything done, amazing family on both sides of our marriage, a home, two jobs, two cars that run, and plenty of good food.

And my challenge this year to myself is to let these things go. I have to get past trying to get everything perfect. I stress so much, that I spend valuable time worrying about stress and what I have to do next that I forget to just live in the moment and enjoy it. Even if the kitchen is dirty. Even if I don't have a plan for dinner. Even if I shouldn't be taking a 10-minute break to blog because I have a deadline at 5PM that I cannot miss today.

To quote my friend Candy, this year, I will own you.

(Prompted by Working Mommy Wednesday. Please join us, it's FUN!)

Working Mom Wednesday: I Resolve...

2010-12-29T10:54:00.000-08:00

Finally, now that I'm back on my blogging wagon, I can link up with my girls at Working Mom Wednesday for my favorite blog prompts.

Of course today, we're discussing New Year's Resolutions. I'm of the belief that you shouldn't need a New Year to make a fresh start, but it's definitely easier for people to spend this week reflecting on what they did last year and what they would like to be different.

Mine is simple. I just want to be BETTER.

While I have surprised myself by discovering that I am a pretty dang good mama, I could always be more patient, more willing, more compassionate to my little guy. So I want to be a better mom.

I know I could be a much, much better wife this year.

I have mastered one part of my new job, but this year I'd like to master the other half as well so that by the time next year's resolutions roll around, I'm looking at the possibility of a promotion (again).

And of course, I want to be a better woman of faith. I feel that 2010 brought me a much better understanding of how much God has provided me with, and in the coming year I really need to honour that by being a living example for Him.

This Proves My Legitimacy, Right?

2010-12-27T06:41:00.000-08:00

You know, a legitimate wordsmith, reader, literary soul?

Two things: number one, I got a book reader for Christmas. How exciting is that? My mom just bought it for me without asking, and when I opened it she said "have you ever thought about getting one of those?" Well, not really, because they're so ungodly expensive that I just figured that was not something I would put on any list to ask someone to buy me. But now that I have it, I'm so excited for the possibilities.

It would have helped me avoid the debacle I currently find myself in. The one where I'm sitting at work, alone, for 2 hours because we got 8" of snow and apparently I'm the only person in my office that A) has a 5-speed Mazda that can handle anything, B) didn't make the boss' list of people to call to inform we were on delay, and C) didn't feel like digging around to find the emergency voicemail number to find out for myself.

Also, my secret plan was to escape for 2 hours by myself and read one of my new books (or a tabloid mag) at Barnes and Noble, Starbucks bought with a giftcard in hand. I really mean this was my plan, to show up at work, see if anyone was there, and then backtrack 2 miles to B and N and just enjoy my own company, ALONE, after the hubbub of the past 5 days.

Except that sitting in an iced over parking lot, phoning the bookstore to find out they didn't open until 10 threw a wrench into that plan, so that didn't happen either. Oops. So you get a long overdue blog post, totally on the fly, instead.

*Sidenote: to anyone who was actually reading my "12 Days of Christmas" posts, I do still intend to highlight a charity each week from now until I've run out of places to give my money to. I just assumed that no one was reading it due to lack of comments, and also my life exploded with work stress and Christmas prep all at the same time, so I kind of just lived blog-free for a while.*

But the second reason that proves I am bookworm? My son has my genes. Through and through. After receiving a myriad of presents, most of which light up and sing to him, including a mini 4-wheeler and a life-size tool bench, he cried at bedtime last night over one toy. A Book. My dear, sweet, 16-month old budding wordsmith cried because I would not let him take his new favorite book to bed with him.

It may have been the proudest I have ever been as a mother.

Because I'm Married to a Miracle

2010-12-14T19:57:00.000-08:00

There are 598,376 reasons the March of Dimes is near and dear to my heart, some more personal than others. Some I can share, some I cannot. Did you know that my husband was born at only 32 weeks gestation way on back in 1976? He's a miracle. Back then, that was unheard of. Nowadays, he's nice and broad, but back then he was, as his family likes to say, "the size of a skinned squirrel".

Thanks to the March of Dimes, nowadays we have stories like this one of Penny and Isaak, who were born around 25 weeks. I have followed their parents' wonderful blog since before they were born, but that will be a story for another day of Christmas. This is them a few days after birth:

Pennyand here is Isaak

And thanks to the miracles of medicine, funded by the March of Dimes among others, here are P&I now at nearly 7 months:
There's really not much I can add to that adorable picture other than, if you want to see more of these miracles, PLEASE go donate. Or consider signing up for a March for Babies near you. Even at my maximum current state of laziness, I can say I have done a March for Babies, and it was so worthwhile. (Plus I got a hot dog afterwards, but really, let's go back to the babies and ooh and aah some more!)

On the 2nd Day of Christmas...

2010-12-14T08:19:00.000-08:00

A plea.

Simply this: if anyone you know is planning to adopt a pet for Christmas, please encourage them to adopt a shelter pet. I know you are just one person, and how much difference can that really make, but trust me, it does.

I have a college friend who works here: http://www.humanesociety.org/ and while I don't agree with some of their more far-fetched political lobbying, I do believe in the work they do to stop tethering, puppy mills, and other forms of animal abuse and cruelty. Feel free to donate to them, or google your local chapter of the SPCA and donate.

My local SPCA (check out this cutie who I daydream about bringing home to keep my high-maintenance, neurotic 4 year old mutt company) has a Black Dog and Black Cat club. Until I started donating to pet causes, I had no idea that black dogs and cats were the least likely to be adopted out. If I was a good, prepared Blogger, I would include a picture of my girl here, because one look (or cuddle) with her and you would be wanting your own black shelter dog today.

(Edit: I couldn't resist throwing her on here after I got home from work.)

I know some people are all about their AKC-certified yappy lapdogs or whatever, but I can honestly tell you that any pet you get from a pet "store" or flea-market stand is likely to come from owners who only care about whoring out their mature animals to make money. That is just not right to me. I have seen enough of what happens with pet overpopulation to ensure that any pet I ever adopt will be a rescue. Use caution when answering craigslist or newspaper ads for "puppies" as well. While a lot of those are legitimate, make sure you visit where the pets are actually housed to ensure this is not someone who consistently allows their dog to get pregnant so that they can sell the litter. If you have to pay anything for a dog or cat, it should only be the adoption fee from a certified rescue shelter to cover their vet bills and operating costs. NEVER pay money to someone selling a littler of puppies at a roadside stand.

And finally, as Bob Barker always said, once you bring that lovable lovely home, PLEASE spay and neuter your pets!

The 12? Days of Christmas

2010-12-13T10:48:00.000-08:00

This morning as I stopped to get my biscuit-and-iced-coffee combo that I can't seem to resist this time of year, I found myself wishing I could do more for people who need it.

Let's face it, at a time when work has more pressure, days seem to fly by at warp speed, and money is, well, inflating at a rate so high that I wonder sometimes when we need to seriously consider selling our home and buying a smaller one just to keep up, doing good just seems to fall by the wayside.

So from now until Christmas, I will try to use my blog to focus on what little good I can do, and pay it forward, hoping to inspire my 100 or so readers to do squeeze a little more do-gooding out of those hard to reach places. (And then in January, I will be very excited to give you guys a terrific giveaway that will get you laughing and be the perfect antidote to the rush and/or doldrums of December, wink wink. Sorry in advance, it's not chocolate.)

Today, I will share with you two people in my life that inspire me to do more. Both of their names start with B, but only one is "out" on the internet, so I'll refer to the first as simply "Belle". Belle works in a daycare, which is inspiring in and of itself, has a son close to the same age as mine, but she also volunteers at the Ronald McDonald House frequently (I guess she can't get enough children...we should all take a page from that book!) I cannot tell you how much this amazes me. As a working mom, I struggle all the time with how much time I have to spend with my son. I cannot imagine giving up any of my precious time with him to go care for other families, but then on the other hand don't you always see me talking about how easy I have it? These Ronald McDonald House families do NOT have it easy. (Except at the RMH, of course).

And then my other friend, "Blair" (I'm sure y'all have probably heard of her, she's kind of a big deal. In my eyes, at least) has also worked with RMHC and even has a page of her blog dedicated to them. She inspires me because she runs 5Ks. I mean, she inspires me because she runs at all, but especially doing it for charity. More than once. (And she inspires me because she ate a salad at lunch today and convinced me to order one, too, and then she didn't even finish her fries. She's practically a martyr.) She was the first person who pointed out to me that those convenient little boxes right under where you pay at the Mickey D's drive through actually collects money for RMH. Der. I don't know what I thought they were for before, but now every time I drive by I make sure to dump my change in there, and even if I'm not paying cash that day, I at least check the console and wallet to see if I have spare change lying around.

So, today I am paying it forward. I can't do much. But I can darn sure throw my spare change in a jar, and if all 100 of us did that every time we go to McDonald's in 2011, I'd be willing to bet that we could pay for the electricity in one of those beautiful houses for a month. (Well, if y'all go to McDonald's as often as I do, we could.)

Please consider donating time or money to this wonderful organization. I hate to think of it, but if I EVER have to put my dear, precious child in a hospital, I want to know that I can stay nearby and be there at the crack of dawn, freshly showered and fed, and stay until they kick me out. If nothing else, click on my links for RMHC and maybe you'll be inspired to do something worthy with that loose change you hate finding in the floorboard. These families need a little joy and inspiration not only at Christmas, but the whole year.

I'm a "Clever" Girl.

2010-12-04T10:12:00.000-08:00

So, I realize that I took a week off (again). I can't help it...Thanksgiving, sick child, busy work week, new employee to train, and errands to run during my usual blogging lunch breaks have just left me with no time to devote here.

But I'm back, and I have some exciting news: first, I applied and was selected to join the Clever Girls Clever 1000. I'm still not even totally sure what that all means, but basically 4 women who have a life living in Northern Cali that makes me slightly jealous, have banded together to create a social media marketing collective that uses blogging and social networking to reach women, the real consumers with power. And despite my lack of Twitter-ese, I am good enough, smart enough, and doggone it, people like me. So I'm in.

Here's my cool new badge:

Pretty exciting, huh? So, as my first official act with this group, I am linking to a GIVEAWAY for you guys from "Yummie Tummie". Now, I have never tried their product, but anything to mask this jiggly baby belly that my husband and I have affectionately nicknamed "What Lies Beneath" would be a nice bonus to my Christmas. And Yummie Tummie is not only giving one of us our very own beautiful Glamour Embellished Tank,
but they are even giving one away to you AND a friend. I've entered, now I encourage you all to. If I win, I will definitely have to consider making some New Year's plans!

Black Friday, Scmack Friday...

2010-11-26T08:30:00.000-08:00

Have I mentioned how much I love linking up to Fill In The Blanks Friday over at the little things we do? Every week is a different theme with 7 prompts. I like when blog posts write themselves. I can spend 15 minutes blogging, head over to Target to see if I can manage to score a Tag book and dress shoes for the little cousin I drew for Christmas, and be back to work in an hour.

So here goes: the other favorite American holiday in November.

1. Black Friday is Never going to go away. It will just get earlier and earlier each year. I actually am boycotting stores that chose to open on Thanksgiving Day. Some think that's dumb, but hey. I am activating my rights as a consumer.

2. Christmas shopping this year will include Lots of groceries, since most of the gifts for the adults in our life will be homemade this year.

3. Holiday shopping makes me Happy at first, but eventually the day turns grumpy as I try to maintain a lighthearted, Christian composure amid the stolen parking spaces, long lines, and people grabbing the last size 5 Robeez just as my hand reaches out.

4. This year my Christmas list will include Well, I have told our families that our budget is very tight and to not go overboard, but I always put "spa services" on mine b/c we really can't afford them, but I really enjoy a massage and if someone wants to provide that for me, I will never decline! Also, anything that lets my husband and I enjoy each other: restaurant and entertainment gift cards, offers to babysit, etc. are on there. And an insulated travel coffee mug. I need to break the Starbucks addiction for good.

5. Bargain hunter, or full price shopper? Definitely a bargain hunter. I literally refused to buy cold medicine when I was sick and working last week because I didn't have my coupons with me.

6. The best and worst things about shopping is I love shopping, but the worst is spending money on a credit card and knowing that means we probably shouldn't be buying something. This year, we are breaking that cycle and only shopping with money we already have.

7. Online shopper or in-person shopper? Both. I enjoy a trip to the mall now and then (and Target weekly) but I also love being able to browse and compare prices without having to drive around town. And if I get free shipping and often don't pay sales taxes, what is to stop me?

PS, if you have an extra minute today, could you please vote for me on Picket Fence blogs? I would so appreciate that!

Thanksful Every Day

2010-11-24T07:53:00.000-08:00

One of the things I struggle most with is feeling like I deserve it.

It doesn't matter what "it" is...just any extra little blessing that falls my way, I feel that I almost don't deserve it, with my snarkiness, profanity, selfishness, and complaining. But I know that someone up there thinks I am deserving, and is rewarding me.

Joining up with Working Mommy Wednesday today, I am beyond thankful for the last year.

For the people I have reached out to that have reciprocated in developing these wonderful internet communities where I don't have to feel like "the only one".

For the new things my beautiful, witty, silly child learns every day. He can tell the dog "OK" now when it's time for her to eat. He freely gives hugs and kisses and cries when he leaves his grandparents and shares his lovie with his friends at daycare. I cannot even explain how many ways I am thankful for that little 15 month old wonder. He fills our lives with laughter. Every day.

For my family, mom, dad, sister, a various group of in-laws that have never been anything but loving and supportive and make me know I am a part of their families. For my aunts and uncles and cousins that are more than just "see you at the 3 major holidays each year" kind of family.

For being employed, having health insurance, a house to live in, and two cars that work. (knock on wood).

For living in NC, a beautiful state where I can wear cropped pants and keep my windows open even in November.

For Dave Ramsey and his program to help us live debt free and save money for what we want to do instead of "have fun now, pay later". Once that light clicked on for me, there was no question on the goals we want to accomplish.

For the teachers at daycare who tell us almost daily that we have the most loving little boy they've ever known, and who care for him the same way I would.

For God answering my prayers, even when I don't want to know the answer.

I'm a Winner!

2010-11-23T06:39:00.000-08:00

The lovely Helga over at My World (she lives in Iceland, y'all, check her out!) has nominated me for the Stylish Blogger Award. It's been a while since I've received a blog award, so I was very flattered and excited to participate in this one. I'm not sure how stylish I am lately, with my daily wet bun hairstyle and my over-eagerness at the chance to wear jeans to work 5 times this month, but hey, I'll take it! I did wear a skirt, tights, and boots yesterday, which is a major departure from my usual style and a step in the right direction!

Of course, these awards always come with a catch...this one being that I'm supposed to tell you 7 random facts about myself. Being that a blog is all about telling you about myself every day, it may be hard to find things that are interesting, but I will let y'all be the judge of that! I'm also supposed to nominate 13 people to pass along to, but with it being Thanksgiving week, I think I will skip nominations this time and just tell y'all about myself!

1) I used to say that I could live without the baby stage, and would be fine just adopting a 3 year old and taking the parenting from there. What did I know?

2) When we were little, I tortured my sister by telling her things like if she dropped a battery it would explode, or if she dropped anything down the central air vent our house would explode. I was not a very good big sister.

3) I have trouble with brevity. I tend to give people and overwhelming amount of info when I could just say/write one sentence.

4) I have a tattoo, I would say medium sized, on my back and want another one (really tiny) on the inside of my forearm or wrist but my husband says that would look like white trash, so I haven't worked up the courage to get a second one yet.

5) I introduced the man who introduced me to my husband to his wife. He was my best guy friend for a long time (we're still friends, of course, but 'couple' friends now) and we will always be grateful to each other for helping find a mate.

6) Growing up, even though I was 4 years older, my little sister was the bossy one and I was sensitive. It took us a long time to work through that. The only thing that explkains it is that I'm a Cancer and she's a Leo. If you believe in that stuff.

7) My birthday is July 7th. In college, I had a friend whose birthday was 7/7/77. I was jealous.

Mom Friendly Meals Monday!

2010-11-21T11:10:00.000-08:00

I always tell my friend Angie over at IMO that I am going to participate in her weekly recipe hop, and then never follow through. Why? Because my recipes usually don't involve measuring so they are hard for most people to follow. Honestly, that's not the real reason. The real reason is that sitting at work, I don't have access to the "base" recipe I use to create my own, so I just give up. This week, I am trying to utilize my son's Sunday nap to prepare a post ahead of time. And to make up for my previous laziness, I will share two!

First is very easy for Thanksgiving. I for one LOVE cranberry sauce and could not eat my Thanksgiving meal without it. No question. However, the canned stuff? Nasty. Is that even real cranberry or some type of gelatinous mass that tastes pretty much like the inside of a tin can? Fear not, making your own is not that difficult and may even convert a few non-cranberry-sauce eaters this year. Here goes:

1 bag of cranberries (found in the fruit/veggie section of the grocery store)
1 naval orange
1/2 or so cup of sugar, to taste

This is IT: rinse the cranberries, pick out the one or two duds that may be floating around, and dump them into a saucepan. Put the heat on about low-medium (a 4 if you are electric). Add sugar, and the juice and zest of the orange. Stir well. Then move on to another task, coming back to stir every 5-10 minutes or so until you have, well, the consistency of cranberry sauce. The berries "pop" and the sugar helps them form the "jelly" consistency. This will be nothing like the canned crap. Put into a container, let come to room temp, and store in fridge. It's best to make it one day ahead so it gets cool and the flavors meld. Will last in fridge about 3-4 days, in freezer a few weeks.

If you feel confident you can always add extra spices like nutmeg or ginger, but I actually prefer the plain cranberry-orange combo. My husband got fancy this year and made candied orange peels to put on top. We're food nerds, but in all honesty the hardest thing about this recipe is cleaning the sticky pot afterwards.

Okay, so I had planned on giving y'all the crazy delicious pumpkin pancake recipe that my husband raved was one of my best recently, but I can't find it online and now I must shuffle through all my random recipe papers at home to find it. Since I promised two, here is a link to my absolute favorite dessert, and this would not be any easier if you had 3 extra hands. It literally take 15 minutes or less to mix, and if you use one of those refrigerated Pillsbury crusts, it's virtually mess free! If you get tired of the fruit pies and love chocolate, you will love Chocolate Chess Pie. A Southern favorite. I could eat it every day!

If you like these and want to know what the pumpkin pancakes are all about, PLEASE click my Picket Fence linky. I am currently number 80 and would love to get on one of the first 2 pages again. I'll make a deal, if I get 10 votes today, I will post the pancake recipe tonight. I should let you know that I am a really, really, really good cook.

And modest to boot...

Hot Dawg!

2010-11-15T12:22:00.000-08:00

I love hot dogs.

I don't care what people say about nitrates and ass and feet and whatever else may be included in those neat little tubes of salty-tastiness. Really, I've read Upton Sinclair. I know what happens in hot dog factories. I'm sure even today it's probably closer to what he described in 1906 than any of us care to admit. However, I love hot dogs. Yum.

Down here in near-eastern NC, where we like our barbecue with vinegar and collards (also with vinegar...we just really like vinegar), we like our hot dogs one way: mustard, chili, and onions (slaw is accepted but optional). Most people in the area I live in also prefer the ubiquitous "red" hot dog, which I can tolerate at an occasional softball field church gathering, but generally think is kind of gross. There is one rule when it comes to hot dogs in NC: DO NOT PUT KETCHUP ON A HOT DOG. EVER. (There are more than a few local grills in Raleigh that will not serve ketchup. One has a tiny bottle on a shelf behind the cash register that you can purchase for $99. I'm not even kidding, and neither is the Roast Grill.)

Another place with this lovely rule? Chicago, home of my second favorite hot dog: the Chicago Dog. I love a good Chicago Dog. The more crap you can throw onto a juicy, sizzling case of meat, the better. I never knew the joy of a "sport pepper" or weird fake-green relish until I had my first Chicago Dog, and I was hooked. And thanks to KLZ at Taming Insanity and Liz at a belle, a bean & a chicago dog, I am now shouting HOT DAWG!!!

Because my post about my husband and his vocabularity limitations not only earned me Nerd Mafia Made Man status, but they liked my word "pedantic" so much that they are using it as the next Word Up, Yo! word of the week.

You know what I deserve for all of this recognition? MORE RECOGNITION! If you agree, please click that little white picket fence linky. Pretty please? Oh, and join Word Up, Yo! this week. It's fun, y'all.

Almost as fun as eating a hot dog!

Fill In The Blanks...

2010-11-12T07:03:00.000-08:00

It's time again for Fill In The Blanks Friday! I'm excited about today's prompts, but first I have a teensy little favor to ask...could you please, pretty pretty please click to vote me up on Picket Fence blogs? I would love to be able to get just enough traffic that I could do a few more giveaways, maybe once a month or so. Speaking of giveaways, I have a new one coming up that I will be posting this weekend. So, vote and check back! Thanks!

On to Fill in the Blanks!

1. The most spontaneous thing I've ever done... well, I'm not a completely spontaneous person, but I can tell you the most spontaneous act I've ever caused. It was New Years 2002, and I had plans to visit my BFF in New York for a week or so, and we found a great Bar off Times Square that was having a New Years night party for $40 and free drinks from 9-1. So in, and to make it more fun we decided at the last minute to invite some of our good friends (um, in North Carolina and Louisiana and elsewhere) to join us. My future husband and my best guy friend made the 9 hour trip by car to stay for two nights to party with us. Fun times, for sure.

2. The best gift I've ever received was... my son. No question. I'm sorry if it's a cliche, but he is truly a gift from God and I never imagined just how much life would hcange in the most wonderful ways once he arrived. For those of you that are pregnant and hearing everyone's horror stories about life in the future: don't listen! Every sacrifice made is worth it.

3. A time that I was truly and genuinely surprised was... I think I will have to come back to this one. I'm really having trouble thinking of something. I don't know if I am just unflappable or what, but I cannot think of an answer!

4. I can't leave the house without... my head. Even though half the time I feel like I do. I always leave a few extra diapers and wipes in the car, because I am that mom you see out at a restaurant without a bib or sippy cup for my son, because I just forgot to pack it in the diaper bag!

5. My favorite day of the week... Friday. This has changed over time. I used to work in retail and couldn't count on weekends off. Now, Friday is the night I come home without pressure to get the nighttime "routine" going, because we can all stay up a little late and sleep in a little in the morning. Friday is time to relax with my husband and son.

6. Something that can always make me laugh is... my silly, ridiculous hubby. Especially when he makes up new words to a song. He can get me laughing so hard it hurts!

7. My perfect day would include... a long lazy breakfast at our favorite place, some time at the park on a 70 degree day with the dog and baby, and somewhere in there a 90 minute hot stone massage.

Let's Be Positive!!!

2010-11-09T18:20:00.000-08:00

We spend a lot of time as moms being critical. Critical of ourselves, critical of other moms, critical of people who are critical of us...let's take a moment and reflect on something we do right.

For me, I am willing to admit that I probably got an easy baby. Especially when it comes to sleeping. He began sleeping 5-6 hour stretches right around 6 weeks and it steadily went longer from there. I can count on one hand the nights I have been up more than 4 times a night, and this is from a child who got nothing but breastmilk his first 4 or 5 months. Sure, there are regressions when he's sick or teething, but they only last a night or two and he's right back to normal.

Now, while I lucked out with this kid who likes to sleep as much as a teenager, I am also willing to say that some of that "luck" is because my husband and I worked so hard the first few months of our sons life. The first year, really. I don't have any great secrets or think I have the key to parenting: trust me, I've had my shares of parental FAIL. But this post is about doing it right and giving myself credit for that.

We never had to Ferberize or use Cry it Out, although we did set a rule once he hit a few months old that we would let him fuss for a few minutes to see if he would settle himself back down. I knew if he got to full-blown crying I could go rescue him and stick him on the boob, but we found that most of the time he made a few peeps and whimpers and then fell back asleep. Trust me, as a mom, it took my dear husband putting a hand on my arm many nights and saying "just let him go a few minutes and see what happens". And sometimes, it was me and my mom instinct telling him "I know that's a hungry cry...let me go!"

We kept the bedtime routine consistent, and introduce changes gradually and with little fanfare (such as the very popular teeth-brushing part of the evening's festivities). Over time, following our son's cues has given us a bedtime routine that works for everyone. Where we use to rock and hold and love, we now turn on the fan together and turn off the light. It's bittersweet, those last moments where I can smell his lingering baby smell as he's struggling to get away, reaching and looking towards his crib the way I look at my bed after a long day.

But it's certainly a happy moment when I close the door and know he will be just fine.

A Post That I May Get Into Trouble For.

2010-11-08T12:06:00.000-08:00

My husband is a smart, smart man.

When it comes to math.

We always joke that when our children need homework help, he will be responsible for making sure our kids can do algebra and chemistry (okay, anything past the multiplication tables, essentially) and I can do the English thing with them. I'm pretty sure he hasn't read a whole book since maybe the tenth grade. I've seen him start a few non-fiction books, and by start I mean he gets about a half a page in before he looks up at me and says "explain again how this is supposed to be enjoyable?" He likes to pull me out of my book at the beach...I'm the type that could spent an entire vacation reading despite the 45 minutes or so it takes to eat each day. Drives him nuts.

Now, despite this hate-affair with the English language, hubby is quite impressive with his grammar and sentence structure. We have a game where he sends me emails of "people he knows" that have written something along the lines of:

"Dear employees,

Do not forget Apprceiation day on friday. We will be having hamburgers and there is a sign up sheet. Posted on the wall of the breakroom.

Thanks you, _______"

And this is actually better written than most of the emails that we deem laugh-worthy.

However, hubs has a slight failing when it comes to large words. Specifically, what they mean and how to use them. In the middle of a disagreement about my level of reality-TV obsession, we have had this conversation:

"You're eclectic," he sneers.
"Um, what do you mean?"
"Well, you're just very firm in what you want to watch and you don't really waver."
"I don't think you know what that word means."
"What word?"
"Eclectic."
"Sure I do."
"Well, you aren't really using it correctly, there," I sigh.
"Sure. It means you're weird for wanting to watch this crap."
"Not really. You might mean eccentric instead"
"Well, whatever. You're...pedantic."

That one, he may have gotten right without meaning to.

This post brought to you by Word Up, Yo!

I'm Doubling Down...

2010-11-05T08:22:00.000-07:00

Am I crazy or just insane? I am attempting to accomplish a feat in one post that has NEVER BEEN ATTEMPTED successfully in blogdom before. Okay, maybe that is a wee bit of an exaggeration, because I see people link to two blog hops at once All the Fa-reaking Time. But I've never tried it.

Also, this is my first week attempting Word Up, Yo, despite me feverishly stalking everyone's posts for over a month now. If you'd like to attempt the fun that is Word Up, Yo, then link up fast: today is the last day for Vegas Week, Babay.

As you can see, I am also linking up to my new favorite Friday blog hop, Fill in the Blank Friday over at the little things we do. So, let me roll up my sleeves and get ready to roll the dice.

1) My last haircut was... not so long ago, actually. About 6 weeks. I'm usually an every 6-monther, so this is a good thing. I changed office locations in May and I am 2.5 miles from the local mall and a decent Mitchell's. Lunch time pampering? Jackpot, baby!

2) My most daring hair moment was... when I took a gamble in my early twenties and let a new stylist cut off about 6 inches and dye me red. I mean, deep maroon luscious red. It was chin-length, wavy, layered, and RED. But if you can't take a hair gamble in your early twenties, when can you?

3) A hairstyle I'd never be brave enough to try is... the exotic, trendy, Bettie Page/Katy Perry long black bob with fringe bangs. With my pale skin and freckles, I would probably look like a pit boss' weird, nerdy assistant. The one that had to clean up after...you know.

4) I've always dreamt of being a (blonde, brunette, redhead, etc.)... deep chestnut brunette. As someone who has ranged from towheaded kid to dishwater blonde to mousy light brown to trendy caramel, I would be willing to play roulette with a box of Nice 'N Easy in a sultry, rich brown shade.

5) My go-to hair is... a bun. Ugh, I know. I don't like hair in my face, I don't like wet hair hanging down, I don't like oily hair on Day 2 even though I know it's helping it be healthy. So, 5 days out of 7, the "bun" that my husband hates so much ends up being winner, winner, chicken dinner.

6) My biggest hair disaster was... in the third grade. "Hold On" was banking big ka-ching! for Wilson Phillips and my mom was convinced that I was a doll-size version of Chyna herself. She managed to talk me into what should have been a pixie cut. I did not rock that look. I looked like Peter Pan, and I don't mean like a girl playing Peter Pan in a musical.

7) A hairstyle I am dying to try is... hmmm. I really am not sure. I'm pretty open to trying most anything, but I'm old enough now to know what I can and can't work with this mop. I would love long layers like Blake Lively, but stylists have let me know in the past it probably won't work with my hair type. And I'm okay with that.

8) My best hair day was... my wedding day. I wish I could show pictures, but I can't while working. It was long, blonde, and glorious, slightly curled with the top half pulled back elegantly. It took longer to remove all the bobby pins than to um, consummate the marriage that evening.

9) The worst hairstyle I've ever had was... see number 6!

10) My hair is... THICK. I mean, I probably have twice as much hair as most other women. I doubt I will ever have to worry about thinning hair, as I could lose half of it and still have a pretty decent head of locks. At my old salon, when an assistant got to blow dry me, she was like "Jackpot!" Because she knew she was going to get an arm workout and a pretty decent tip.

If you enjoyed my Vegas-themed hair ramblings today, you can thank the Nerd Mafia of Word Up, Yo as well as Laura at the little things we do. I owe all of my inspiration to them. You could also vote for me on Picket Fences, it's not asking much, just a little clicky on the linky. I would so love to move up from my current ranking of number 66. At least I'm the top 100, right? Have a great weekend, and check out the other posts...I LOVE reading both of these hops.

Honest Confessions of Motherhood

2010-11-03T06:43:00.000-07:00

After my "time off" from my blog, I am so excited to rejoin my friend Julia at Work Wife Mom Life. (I can call her my friend now because we email and she knows where I work, isn't that enough?) Her Working Mommy Wednesday blog hop provides the exact kind of support and camraderie that I strive for in this blog. Before I continue with my post, I would humbly like to request that if you enjoy my blog, please click that little pretty Picket Fence button on the right and vote for me today. The moderators just did a reset and this is my chance to move up in the world and achieve Picket Fence Mom-Blog Domination!

As for my confessions about Motherhood, I only have one today, but it's a doozy. I get really stressed out by being the parent of a toddler. I snap at my husband, get frustrated at my son for, well, acting like a typical 14-month old who likes to bring me a new diaper when he knows he has pooped but then squirms away when I actually lie him down to change him. Dinnertime is never easy, and while some days, like Monday evening, I can remind myself to just take life as it is and enjoy every moment (instead of trying to rush into dinner when we got home, I spent a good 10 minutes on the kitchen floor with a nearly naked child who was laughing with nothing other than glee because he was putting a bowl on my head), most of the time I spend my whole weekday evening just tapping my foot impatiently at my husband while thinking of the next ten things I must do in an hour.

Halloween night was a fine example of how I get: dinner took longer than expected to cook, even though I was lucky enough to have my mom over to occupy Jacob while we got everything ready. The baby didn't eat well, I couldn't get everyone to sit down and start eating so we could get going, I barely ate my own food because I was anxious that there were already Trick or Treaters coming to our door and for some reason I had it in my head that we would be one of the first, I kept thinking about how we needed to hurry up and get Jacob re-dressed so we could go. The whole time, I swear my husband moved as swiftly as a moped on a superhighway, and before we even got out of the driveway I was yelling at him and rolling my eyes at my mom and saying ridiculous things like "How many times can I give him the same instructions?" or "How slow can HE MOVE?" I eventually calmed down, held my husband's hand, apologized for my frantic behavior, and enjoyed the event the way a family should.

I think the most pathetic part of this mom-freak-out mode is knowing that my grandmothers, mother-in-law, and mom had many, many more responsibilities and shouldered even more of the child-care burden than I ever will because the times have changed and my husband is expected to step in and parent right along with me. The guilt that hits me after one of my anxiety "episodes" is almost worse than the stress itself. I know this is a recurring theme in my blog, but I keep coming back to "how can I think this is so hard and let it get to me when I have it ten times easier than any of them did?"

That is my confession. I need a reminder that this is normal, that this phase passes just like clusterfeeding passed and just like 2AM wakings passed (well, for now, I know the molars are coming eventually), and that something that seems so stressful right now will seem small and insignificant in a few months. And I need a swift kick in the behind and someone telling me now and then "get it together girlfriend".

My mom did that last week. We were cleaning up after dinner at their house and I yelled at my dog to get out of the kitchen for the 14th time and muttered "I'm gonna blow a gasket."

Mom's reply? "I think you already did." Moms know just what to say at the right time, don't they?

A Special Election Day Post

2010-11-02T10:46:00.000-07:00

Before you shut me off, please understand that my political beliefs are driven by one mantra: The government should provide basic infrastructure, and other than that should allow me to take care of my own needs and give others the opportunity to do the same. I am an Ayn Rand Libertarian to the core.

I have many friends and family on either extreme and everywhere in between, and I only ask that people vote their values. Eschew party lines and research your candidates and what they stand for, and vote appropriately. When you only follow party politics, you are allowing people to make decisions for you that are completely out of touch with your family's needs. Also, never overlook your local government, right down to school board and county commissioners. These are the people that make decisions that affect your daily life. I will never understand people who only vote every 4 years.

So, besides taxes and the economy, here is the *radical* idea that I support in regards to one of the biggest hot button issues out there:

The government should not recognize marriage.

(Collective gasp, now gather yourselves and listen.) Marriage was never designed to be a legal contract, it was designed to be an expression of commitment between people in love, and at times their God. Where our country went wrong was recognizing this as a legal union and assigning tax benefits and other benefits just because people made a commitment to one another.

If we all had to enter our own taxes as our own person, imagine the possibilities. People who are in support of marriage between one male and one female ONLY could make sure that their church only accepted and performed marriages in those types of unions. Likewise, our gay and lesbian citizens would be free to marry one another and make the exact same lifelong commitment in their own religious organizations, and if you are okay with that, then I'm sure you wouldn't have a problem attending services there. Imagine if we all the freedom and liberty to marry who we want, and the GOVERNMENT DIDN'T HAVE A SAY IN THE MATTER AT ALL**.

Why do we have to make it about getting special rights only allowed by the government to certain unions? Why should we even allow the government to decide who we can marry? Why do I get "special credit" for choosing to enter into a legal union with my husband? Before I met him, I always said that I didn't need a piece of paper to make a commitment to someone. What I meant then is on the opposite end of the scale of how I think now, but I still feel the same way: my marriage ceremony was a promise to my husband and my God that I would spend my life with one and only one person. Signing a marriage certificate didn't change that in any way. I don't even remember the marriage certificate now. I remember the service and making that commitment in front of all the people I love.

I know that this idea will never fly in our current government, because the Right wants to define marriage their way, and the Left wants to make sure everyone can get special insurance, but I encourage everyone to think about the possibility of a country with true liberty and what we can do when the government isn't busy protecting us from ourselves.

**Also, there would never be another child referred to as a Bastard.**

The Inevitable Halloween Post

2010-11-01T10:14:00.000-07:00

Well, after a 1 week + hiatus, I am back and blogging again.

I suppose I've had some combination of writer's block and well, real life, pulling me away from the computer screen and focusing more on work and home. It used to be that something funny would happen or I would make a wry observation and immediately think "oh, I have to remember this for my blog later". Now, I think I'm just trying to live more presently and not think so much about what I should be sharing with "outsiders" but what I should be sharing with my family! Not that I don't love this blogging community, just that I still need to find that balance.

Without further adieu...some observations from Halloween weekend:

1) Our daycare expected us to follow a "theme" when we dressed our little tyke up on Friday. Um, no, we've been planning his costume for over a month, we're poor, and we give you nearly half of my salary, so he will be a Cowboy, and not anything related to Peter Pan, thankyouverymuch.

2) Surprisingly, more of my Dollar Tree candy was swiped last night instead of the pricey Snickers/KitKat/3 Musketeers. I guess the novelty of candy sticks (what we used to call Candy Cigarettes before America got a conscience) trumped chocolate for once.

3) I am way more high-strung than I ever thought. We were running 14 minutes behind my Trick or Treating "schedule" and I was literally about to explode. I yelled at my husband, along with serveral eye-rolling episodes, before I finally calmed down enough to enjoy the evening. Luckily, he forgave me.

4) My son makes the cutest Cowboy EVER. (Pictures later, I promise I'll update the post.)

5) In this politically correct society, it is impossible to find a toy gun anymore.

6) I love Fun Dip. Enough that I was internally disappointed when one of our kind neighbors took the pack my son swiped from her bowl and exchanged it for toddler-friendly pretzels.

7) Old people are great. We have one older couple in our neighborhood we've spoken with once or twice, and Jacob walked right into their house. The lady thought he was the sweetest thing and wanted to take pictures with him. She also didn't just have a bowl of treats, she made treat bags with lots of little items in them.

8) My kid, lying on the floor with his mouth stained by M&M drool, acting like a crazy guy, is a really fun sight.

9) Jacob can now identify his first Sesame Street character: El-bow.

10) The expression on a Target employee's face when your husband asks "don't you have any guns for kids?" is absolutely priceless!

Free Association...

2010-10-22T10:40:00.000-07:00

I'm still trying to find a consistent blog hop, but it always seems like there are different days each week I can take a time-out and participate, so it's hard to commit.

However, I love the free association prompt at Fill In The Blank Friday!

So, here goes...if you are new to my blog, welcome! You will soon learn that I'm kind of nuts, hopefully more than a little funny, true to myself, and purposefully use lots of incorrectly placed commas.**

I am...unique. And very picky about food. It would be nearly impossible for even my husband to consistently pick what I will order. Just when you think Eggplant Parmesan is my favorite Italian dish BAM! There I go ordering Gnocchi and sausage in vodka sauce.

I wish...that losing weight was a snap. I am trying, but again, it's hard to deny my cravings. Baby steps will work eventually, right? Please don't tell me I have to start sprinting, literally and figuratively.

I like...family. I am so, so lucky to have the best parents, in-laws, sister, right down to my cousins. Most Saturdays I would much rather spend at a 5 year old's birthday party with my family than out at a trendy restaurant. I also like Indian food.

I can...drive a stick shift like a madwoman. Our next car will not be a 5-speed, so I'm trying to get all the Zoom Zoom love in while I can.

I hope...that November 2 will be a wake up call for America that no matter what side of the fence we're on, it is TIME to start working together. (I also hope that a Libertarian candidate in any major race in NC will get at least 12% of the vote so we can lock our party into the ballot, debates, etc. It is time that our philosophy starts being recognized.)

I think...that I should start reading more nonfiction and less US Weekly.

I was...planning to never get married or have children, true story. Then I met my husband. Ten years later, I cannot imagine life any other way.

That was FUN! Here's to hoping I will make this a regular feature.

**After re-reading my post, I should probably point out that I talk about food. A lot.

Winner winner...

2010-10-21T06:36:00.000-07:00

So, yesterday, when Angie informed me that I had won her Veeve cosmetics giveaway (I am a beauty product who-are, so I cannot express how excited I am to try this stuff out!) I jokingly said "wow, now I kind of hope you don't win my giveaway because people will think we're in kahoots!" (Okay, kahoots was her word, but I liked it, so I used it.)

I swear to you we're not! I can make my hubby get on here and verify for y'all if you want me to that last night he pulled a scrap of paper with Angie's name on it out of a little pink bucket while we were watching Dennis Miller on Bill O'Reilly (I LOVE DENNIS MILLER...DENNIS MILLER FOR PRESIDENT!) I am old school like that. No random.org for me, mostly because with people getting 5 entries for joining the newsletter, I really didn't want to require everyone to have to post that many comments. I made a tally sheet of how many entries each person got (Angie had 10, by the way) and then filled out that many papers with their name. Simple as that.

But in the end, I love each and every one of my followers, and I'm so glad to have this community, but the truth is it's exciting that she won b/c she has been loyal from the beginning. I mean it when I say I wish we could be friends in real life! Thanks to everyone who entered, and if you are interested in any of the products, let me know. www.alidavis.scentsy.us

WMW: I'm Copping Out...

2010-10-20T13:45:00.000-07:00

Prompt Numero Uno: You know you're stressed when...

So, I always try to be true and honest in every post I make, especially when following the prompts of Working Mommy Wednesday, because I really appreciate those girls and everything they have to say. We are a community going through many of the same things.

However, all week I've been thinking about how to mold my Blog Giveaway (LAST DAY!) and trying to get some good Ebates referral money** into the working mommy wednesday topic. I know it's a total plug, and I know it's slightly tacky that I would promote my stuff for my own good on my blog, but hey, you know what stresses me out?

Money.

And you know where I turn when I get stressed out? Retail Therapy. It's a vicious cycle, for sure. I NEED new shoes, and I don't mean that in a Carrie Bradshaw way, I literally mean I need shoes because more than a year later, I cannot fit in my smart work shoes from pre-Jacob days. I need brown dress shoes, black dress shoes, and black comfortable but still office appropriate loafers. And because I have huge, super wide monster feet and I stand up and walk a lot at work, I have to buy pretty pricey shoes, and I have to buy them online.

So when Naturalizer or shoebuy.com is having a 20% off code, I tend to go hawg-wild, y'all. I have to order a lot of pairs of shoes until I eventually find one or two I can stand to wear for longer than 98 minutes. That ain't easy. Currently, I have 3 shiny shoe boxes in my office drawer, and a shopping cart loaded with 6 more pairs. It is almost worse than bathing suit or bra shopping.

Except that I only have to look at my feet.

And shoes are fun.

**So, if you haven't been introduced to ebates yet, allow me to make the introduction. I earned back about $75 off what I spent on Christmas gifts last year, and my shoe purchases alone net me about $40 a year. Seriously, all you do is sign up, shop through their link (often finding awesomely good coupon codes along the way) and every quarter you get a check in the mail. No scam, ladies.

Crying Over Spilt Milk...

2010-10-19T06:48:00.000-07:00

So, as part of our life-improvement movement, I have joined two of my favorite lady bloggers in a Bible Study series.

I am a Christian, and although I accepted Christ once at a young age, I have the feeling that because of the damage I did in college and my young twenties denouncing Christ and his place in my life, I believe that my true "salvation moment" did not happen until just over a year ago, as I held my 5-day old miracle in my arms and prayed.

Since then, it hasn't always been rainbows and sunshine and ra-ra-rah...I still get stressed and I still yell and I still cuss and I'm still not perfect, but as my best friend told me way earlier this year, I seem settled and at peace, which I was not when she knew me 10 years ago. I was wild and free and ready to take on anything, but with that wild and free came an unhinged, out-of-control feeling.

I am slowly finding my way into being a true Christian, which means only praying and learning from God exactly what he holds for me in life. I can pray with the best of them, and I do it multiple times a day, but usually the best place to find God's answers to those prayers is in His Word. And I'm no good at reading the Bible on my own.

So D over at Unpolished Parenting is heading up a casual Bible Study for those of us that want to find some of those answers. So far, Julia with Work Wife Mom Life has joined us, and we're excited to get started. The devotional guide we are using is Linda Vujnov's Spilt Milk: A Devotion for Moms. It looks perfect, with it's cheeky cover of a bowl of Froot Loops (no, really, that's the way they are spelled...I just found out this year).

If anyone wants to join us, email D at unpolishedparenting@gmail.com.

Just a Friendly Reminder...

2010-10-18T13:38:00.000-07:00

Do you guys love a giveaway or NOT?!

I mean, I am sitting here all day with my handy new clock radio listening to Katy Perry sing about her damn skintight jeans 14 times a day just so I can try (along with about 128,637 other Raleigh area residents) to win a damn Dolce and Gabbana purse from our local pop radio station.(I also just finished listening to Taylor Swift blabber again about being a careless man's careful daughter, whatever the hell that means.)

So I know ya'll can take the time out to just vote for me and get extra entries into my giveaway for totally free, totally awesome smelly-good house stuff from Scentsy!

So ENTER! Only 2 more days and 3 hours left...

October 15

2010-10-15T12:00:00.000-07:00

Today is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. Even if you've never suffered a loss yourself, I'm sure that you know someone who has, and it is devastating.

Just before I conceived Jacob, I had what doctors believe was a Chemical Pregnancy. To recap, basically my body thought it was pregnant and exhibited all of the signs and hormones needed to house a fetus. When I started bleeding just before my scheduled OB appointment, I freaked out. And when I took a test at the doctor and got called in to sit down with my OB, I already knew the news she would give me. At the time, being childless and yearning for a baby, worried that this was the start of a long, drawn-out fertility battle, this felt almost harder to me than a real miscarriage.

There were no answers, and nothing even really to mourn. How could I explain to people when they asked me that I felt like I lost a child even though there was likely never a child there to lose?

Of course, I now know how much more difficult it is to have a miscarriage. I can console myself with the fact that I did not lose an actual baby, and that if that had been a child I would have never had Jacob roughly 10 1/2 months after sitting in that doctors office and mourning the loss of a pregnancy.

And I know that because I have had friends and family members that have suffered the loss of a child through miscarriage, stillbirth, SIDS, and other afflictions.

So today I do not remember my own loss, but I do remember the loss of my niece. It is not my story to tell, so the only detail I will share is that her gestational age was 21 weeks, and although I never got to meet her, I will always remember her. And tonight, I will light a candle in her memory, and the memory of so many others.

Our First Toddler Tantrum!

2010-10-15T07:01:00.000-07:00

First things first, enter my giveaway! And don't forget, you can get an extra entry every time you vote for me on Picket Fence and leave a comment!

Ah, the bliss of parenthood before you reach certain "stages". I love how I should now be able to fit not only my foot, but my entire right leg in mouth with all the times I've said "when Jacob does ________, I will respond by doing _______". And then he does that thing that you weren't expecting to have to react to for at least another few months (biting, throwing food, hitting the dog, not listening the fifteenth time I've taken his hand out of the water bowl) and it just kind of takes you completely by surprise.

Last night, he had his first meltdown. And while my husband and I always said we were going to be Perfect McPerfectsons who handled the situation exactly as we should (ignore it until he was finished), instead we bursted into completely unexpected laughter. And then spent the next 120 seconds or so trying to hide our laughter from our poor son, who was just all out of sorts.

The reason? Because Da-da wanted to give him his medicine, instead of Ma-ma. Bad move, parents! I have never seen a more asinine request be met with a more ridiculous emotional response, but hey, we're dealing with a 13 month old here. Daddy and I were sitting side by side on the recliner (I, the rule breaker, was sitting on the arm of the recliner) and Jacob was standing beside us in the floor, being a crankypants and wanting me to pick him up. He loves medicine, so this should have been uncomplicated, but when I said "go sit in Daddy's lap" he threw his little fists in the air, turned in the opposite direction of us, and threw himself on the floor, complete with banging fists and crying.

Oh, we tried so hard to hold it in, but it was seriously the funniest thing I have ever seen. Imagine a tiny toddler (barely 18 pounds and all of 28 1/2 inches tall to put it in perspective) in his cutesy pajamas throwing a full blown temper tantrum, red faced, blonde hair standing up on end, runny nose. He did it three more times: get up, reach for me, I told him calmly to sit in daddy's lap, turn, fall, tantrum, rinse, repeat. HILARIOUSNESS! I thought I was going to feel upset, frustrated, anxious, angry, guilty, whatever: I felt NONE OF THAT! I just felt sheer joy at the fact that A) this was seriously funny and B) that I could recognize this is normal behaviour for his age and that the best thing to do was just remain calm and firm.

What's the point of this story? I don't know, I'll be honest. I just wanted to share that maybe things you are dreading won't be as bad as you are expecting. After 4 or 5 times of the tantrum cycle, it ended just as quickly as it began, and he walked right over to my husband, reached up, and happily sat in Daddy's lap as I gave him his antibiotics.

I'm not even going to say what I will do next time, but I can tell you that I do not yet know if I would have the same reaction if my kid was face-to-face with a dirty grocery store floor. I may just end up being one of those moms that do the kid-snatch and leave a half-full grocery cart right in the aisle. Just goes to show...the best made plans are often laid to waste!

I Went Looking For a Thursday Blog Hop...

2010-10-14T13:00:00.000-07:00

All morning, I scoured my friends' blogs for some way to make some new connections on the Interwebs. Thursday seems to be a good day for Blog Hopping, not sure why, but I still haven't found one that just seems to fit. Well, I hobbled over to my friend Angee's blog and saw she did a really neat one today:

I like when they come with nice, gentle, built-in prompts! We'll see how it goes this week.

Outside my window.. is a parking lot and gas station. Oh so thrilling...
The time is.. 4:07PM
Today I feel..hopeful for so many things.
I am thinking.. it's almost quittin' time!
At the moment, I am thankful.. for so, so many things. Mostly that I have a healthy child and a supportive family.
I am going..to pee when I'm done with this.

I am wearing..uncomfortable, too-big work pants, a too-short top, and a cardigan and cute scarf.
I wish.. that young children never had to die.
I am reading..lots and lots of blogs, with the Sunday newspaper and an occasional gossip mag thrown in.
I am working on..so many things I gave up for the rest of the day.
I am hoping..that my Scentsy party and Giveaway is a success!
I am hearing..the crappy easy listening station we have to keep on at work. Can't wait for my new mp3 clock radio to arrive.
I bet you didn't know..that this is the first year I haven't been to the State Fair in my whole life.
One of my favorite.. foods is Caprese (mozzarella, basil, tomato). Yum. I should have been Italian.
Weekend Plans.. Friday: some type of alcohol. Saturday: Dave Ramsey workshop. Sunday: the Scentsy party and hopefully some snuggle time.

Another Giveaway? No Way!

2010-10-14T07:40:00.000-07:00

Ladies, I have something to share with you.

And I'm really (literally) putting myself out there with this one. As in, if you click the link you will have my whole name, phone number, email address, etc. (Doesn't that get you all excited???) But it's because I am sharing my newest business venture with you girls.

If you know me in real life, you know that I've always kind of scoffed at the home party businesses out there. Tupperware? I love it (some of my favorite kitchen items were passed down from my grandma, mom, and mother-in-law...okay, maybe the ones from my mom weren't exactly passed down but more, um, permanently borrowed) but that crap is WAY expensive! Pampered Chef is nice, but I think I've been cooking long enough that I either already have the gadgets I need, or have found a quicker way without said gadgets. As far as the make-up companies go...meh...I prefer the tactile Sephora-Ulta-Target beauty section style browsing too much.

But then I won a blog giveaway from Mrs. Foreste. And I met a wonderful woman who sells Scentsy products. And after I received my warmer and Camu Camu scent, my office smelled so good that I had clients and co-workers constantly asking what made our branch smell so delicious. So I ordered some more smells, and I was like a kid two weeks before Christmas waiting for them to come in. I couldn't believe I was so excited over a warmer and some scented wax, but honestly, I AM A GIRL. We all get like that!

Eventually, I offered to do what we call a "basket" party, and my consultant sent me samples to let my friends, family, and co-workers smell all the different scents and place orders. And it was SO EASY, that I thought...maybe this is just the perfect fit. So now I am a consultant with Scentsy, and I couldn't be more excited to share with one of you the rewards of my hard work. Scentsy offers hostesses all kinds of free product and half-price product credits, and since I am having my own Open House this weekend, one of you lucky readers will earn something from my free product credits. Something worth $40!

I am gifting one of my lovely readers with their choice of a Full-Size Warmer and 3 Scentsy bars to grace their home, office, or anything else. As you can tell, I really believe in these products! Please feel free to visit my website: https://alidavis.scentsy.us/Home . Even if you do not win the giveaway, you can purchase directly from my website, or contact me to find out about hosting your own party, either in person or through the internet. If you have been thinking about joining as a consultant yourself, I'd love to take this journey with you. I have a terrific sponsor/director myself, and you would be joining our team. The requirements are easy to meet and the stuff practically sells itself!

On to the rules: to enter, you only must be a follower of my blog and tell me which warmer you would choose, along with at least one scent that sounds intriguing to you. (Don't worry, if you win I won't hold you to those, you can always change your mind).

For extra entries, I would love it if you would vote for me on Picket Fence blogs (1 entry per vote, per day) and/or blog about this giveaway (2 entries) and I will give you 5 entries if you click on the link to sign up for my Scentsy newsletter (it's only once per month, no spam!) Just leave me comments telling me what you've done! Good luck ladies...I will choose a winner next Wednesday, you have until 8PM (EST) on 10/20 to enter.

WMW: Me, Overwhelmed?

2010-10-13T07:09:00.000-07:00

I can't believe I went a whole week without blogging. I've missed it, I have to say, but this prompt is right on time because, honestly, work has been a little overwhelming lately. Like anything else, my job ebbs and flows and sometimes I have 50 things I'm working on at once, and sometimes I resort to cleaning out old files in my office or in our storage room because I can't find anything else to work on.

Now is one of the more overwhelming times, so when I saw the prompt for Working Mom Wednesday today, I thought "wow, life is coming full circle"! Because honestly, this is what I do when I need to take a break.

I am a planner and a delegator, so it's not that I have anything pressing that is just stressing me to my core, I don't have that kind of job. I have the kind where I am happily plodding along in my planned tasks for that day when BAM! a problem falls from the sky right onto my desk and the rest of my day is spent cleaning up the mess. That's part of the reason I love it, for the change and flexibility and excitement of it all. But until recently, I've never been a person who can sit in an office and look at reports and do paperwork and make cold calls all day, so even on the best of days I need a break to liven life up a bit and get out of my slump.

And that's where you ladies come in! Blogging to me is a stress reliever. It's my cigarette break, coffee break, get up and stretch and stroll around the office chatting with my co-workers break. Other people may go get a snack or talk about Dancing With the Stars when they need to "take 5". I come and check on my fellow mom-bloggers, enter giveaways, share a little piece of what happened in my life recently. I think the other reason I turn here is because I am selfish. I'm just going to be honest: I am not a friend you want in real life. I don't send letters, I don't like to talk on the phone, and I am way too busy to make a lot of time even for the people I care about most. I communicate by email and Facebook more than anything, and I have a very good friend who can probably tell you about the time she asked how I was doing and I actually responded with a link to a blog post. Now, that's sad.

But what's not sad is the last 10 minutes I've spent typing this, and the excitement I feel by knowing at my next breather I will be checking out all my fellow WMW poster's thoughts! I am returning to what I was working on feeling refreshed and ready to work again instead of burnt-out and ready to go home. And for that, ladies, I thank you for allowing me to share!

Working Mommy Wednesday: Pushups? FML...

2010-10-06T08:31:00.000-07:00

(*Disclaimer: I know that what FML stands for is not befitting of the Christian example I am trying to set and follow, but I just discovered the phrase and you know what? It fits. Jesus is the only perfect one, the rest of us are just trying.*)

I open Julia's prompt today and see a post about PUSHUPS. Really? I'll have to admit, I was pissed. First of because I used to be able to do pushups, the strong-man kind, back when I could also do a split and call myself a dancer, but now I must resort to the wall-kind or the knee-kind, if I am even attempting them at all. Which makes me feel like a fat cow. Second, because even with my newfound discovery of SparkPeople, my commitment to eating better, taking in more water, and trying to be less sedentary, the last thing I want to do is turn my blog into diet central. Luckily, her reasons why and how to do push-ups provided me with a goal: 20 a day for the rest of the month. This is great because I can't commit to walking every day, but I can commit to 20 pushups and walking at least 3 days a week. And small, attainable goals are good.

And then I continued reading and noticed that today's prompt is actually just a Top 10 list. Man, I LOVE me a Top 10 list, from David Letterman all the way to my blog friend Kelley, Top 10 lists are AWESOME. And I wish that mine was going to be just that awesome, but I guess since I have free reign and I don't want this to be about being healthy, I will take this moment to return to the roots of this blog and make a list of my Top 10 Favorite Things About My Son.

10) He is a genius. I mean, I know every mom says that about their kid, but what 13-month old do you know that can say "go-gurt" to his daycare teacher every day at 4:30 because he knows it's snack time and he's about to get his favorite. thing. ever. Or how about how yesterday he was "reading" his Maisy's Favorite Toys book in the car and turned to the page with the Tractor and Train on it (vehicles with wheels) and shouted "CAR"? Can your baby do that?

9) He chooses edamame over grilled cheese. Now I KNOW he nees to fatten up, but you have to appreciate a child who learns early to love his veggies. (This will come back to bite me in about 3 months when he suddenly starts to refuse to eat anything green.)

8) He still is an open-mouth kisser. Even though we're starting to get just the teensy-weensiest bit self-conscious about this in public, there's nothing cuter than when you say "can I get a kiss?" and his little toddler mouth comes towards you wide open and raring to go and plants a big smacker on your lips.

7) Except maybe sitting on the floor next to each other while brushing your teeth. We got the grins and giggles toothbrush not long ago and his little fingers wrapped around that fat little toothbrush is so adorable I want to die.

6) He is totally fearless (and reckless). This guy loves to climb anything, and his favorite game is getting on the couch or bed and throwing himself against the pillows. Sometimes I swear he's going to fly right off.

5) He already knows to look up to older kids. He follows his nearly 3-year old niece around like she is the best thing in the world (I mean, I can't blame him) and has so much fun playing with older kids.

4) But he'd still rather play with Mama or Daddy any day. His new favorite thing is to bring us a book, yell "BUH", and let us read about 2 1/2 sentences before grabbing it, and closing it while saying "ALL Done."

3) The kid loves to be naked. After his bath, he will play "catch me if you can" as long as possible, and there is nothing I love more than chasing a naked toddler around the upstairs part of the house, especially if he leaves the hooded towel on like a superhero cape.

2) He makes me better. I want to be more patient, I want to cook more nutritious meals, I want to exercise more, and I want to spend more time with my family (immediate and extended) because of him. He led me back to God and Christ. What could be better?

1) His laugh can change whatever I'm feeling into pure joy. Seriously, when that little sweet blondie smiles at me with love, what do I have to be angry/stressed/upset about? Absolutely NOTHING!

Thanks to anyone who joined up from Working Mommy Wednesday, and feel free to join us today or any time!

Am I Really the Example You Want to Follow?

2010-10-04T13:45:00.000-07:00

Ahem. After the last post, I am sure that you are surprised to find me participating in Mom Friendly Meals Monday. I was not exagerrating when I called myself Obese. Really. My BMI is 35. I found that out today when I joined Spark People. See, Step 1: I CAN CHANGE!

I refuse to participate in anything called "McFatty" anything, but I do want to give a little update since it is, after all, my first day on the wagon. Here is how I'm trying to make this lifestyle change work: I am NOT going hog-wild-crazy on a diet, people. I can't. I've done it before with disatrous results, b/c I am a giant Yo-Yo. Lose 5, gain 6, eat really well for 3 days and then say SCREW YOU, FOOD! So, today I had 1 hot dog (not 2), a container of easy mac, and frozen veggies. 2 servings of frozen veggies (this is where you lavish praise). Sadly, this is an improvement.

But, here is what went RIGHT today:

*This morning, I really wanted a Salted Caramel thingy from the evil place. Instead, I went to Mickey D's and got the healthiest breakfast item they have: the egg mcmuffin. And plain old coffee. Which, once a little Splenda and flavored creamer was added, satisfied me a little bit.

*I have not had a soda yet today. I have had almost 6 servings of water. (I will drink a soda on the way home, but only after my 6 servings.)

*Went to Target on my lunch break and got yogurt, applesauce, and cookies. With chocolate on them. I told you, I ain't going cold turkey, but when a 3PM snack craving hits I will eat ONE serving size and faithfully put the rest back in the cabinet.

*Resisted the 3PM chocolate craving and had applesauce and yogurt instead.

*Joined Spark People and I am faithfully logging every single thing I put in my mouth. So far today I'm way high on the sodium (as expected) but hitting my targets for all the other categories. Yay me!

OKAY. So you came here for a recipe? This one is untested and on the menu this week, but SO easy, fairly healthy, and in Cooking Light's recent issue with the pantry staples article. I love Cooking Light. I am just giving you the link directly: Tex-Mex Confetti Pizza!

Enjoy...

I'm Not Who I Claim to Be...

2010-10-02T10:46:00.000-07:00

A rare Saturday confession...

I've been struggling a lot lately, with the fact that I am struggling. It seems counterproductive to being a good mom/wife/person/Christian that I have the luxury of being the first person awake in my house on a Saturday at 8:45AM yet I can complain that I am always busy and have too much going on to breathe. I have it SO EASY compared to my mother, who had me just before she finished nursing school and had to take care of the house, the baby, and find time to study. Or so many others out there who have gone through a separation with their baby's father and have to do it all on their own. Or the parents whose children have had to endure medical issues, multiple doctor visits, surgeries, and complicated feeding schedules.

And now I must confess: I am lazy. I have motivation issues. I am obese. I don't take care of myself or eat right (damn Starbucks for re-introducing that Salted Caramel Hot Chocolate this fall...). And I desperately want to change that. Finally, I feel that I am making a commitment I can follow through on.

The time is right: October is my absolute favorite month, and this October began for me with a 3-day weekend and the most beautiful fall weather you could imagine. I joined a work-sponsored wellness program that starts at work on Monday. I am starting a new home-party business with Scentsy (more on that in a couple of weeks with a giveaway) that motivated me to get my house company ready since I've invited oh, about 50 people over in 2 weeks. And this new drive has caused a sort of pay-it-forward morning for me.

I got up and began preparing breakfast for my family, when usually I lie in bed until the last possible second on Saturday and then bring Jacob in to nurse while hubby goes downstairs to cook. After breakfast, we had wonderful family time playing for an hour or so and then we let Jacob play on his own while we started dusting and cleaning the clutter out of our living room. I think starting to clean before he was down for his nap really drove me to do more. I usually wait until he's asleep, get on the web for a while, sip my coffee and watch College Gameday, and then clean for a half hour or so.

Now, I have clean baseboards, doors, the top of the fridge, a dusted, vacuumed, and mopped kitchen and living room, and significantly reduced clutter. My nearly 3 hours of work possibly burned my sensible breakfast's calories, and my ensuing cool shower was better for my hair, skin, electric bill, and possibly even environment than my usual 15 minute hot ones.

I'm using the rest of my "me" time effectively by sending out e-vites for my Open House and getting ready for a family gathering.

And my underwear even matches my shirt.

Who is ready for a whole new me?

Working Mommy Wednesday: I AM a Good Mom!

2010-09-29T10:32:00.000-07:00

So the prompt I will go with today from my friends at the Working Mommy Network, since I can't do the picture thing from work, is a good one: Does being employed full-time make me a better or worse mother? Wow...talk about thought provoking. I've had to sit here for a few minutes (my accompanying Smart Ones Vegetable Lasagna, the best lunch TV dinner EVER, doesn't hurt) gathering my thoughts and contemplating how I really want to answer this question.

My first instinct was: HELL NO. I would be SUCH a better mom if I were able to Stay at Home with Jacob. But the more I've sat here and really examined myself head to toe, including my history, the more I've decided that, in fact:

I AM BETTER BECAUSE I WORK FULL-TIME!

This is honestly a very refreshing revelation. I think most of us working moms worry about this question frequently! Here is why I feel this way:

I am more patient with my son because at 5:15 I can't wait to start my commute and know that he is on the end of my drive, ready to smile and say mama and let me tickle his belly and stick his finger straight in his eye when I ask him to 'show me your nose'. If I were at home, by 5:15 I would be counting the minutes until my hubby got home so I could pass him the baby and say "your turn, sucker" while I frantically tried to finish dinner.

I think I actually do more housework as a working mom than I ever imagined. Trust me, there are still "how will this ever get done and be presentable?" moments, especially when it comes to stuff like hanging pictures (another reason I can't show you my house, there are 10 frames stacked against the wall waiting for us to hang them...they've been there since Mayish) or vacuuming the stairs or cleaning out the baby's closet. But I know if I were home all day, I'd likely be in pajamas until J's nap instead of doing all the things I say I would do, like going to the park or mommy playgroups or library story time. Then while he was napping, thinking I have all the time in the world as the hours until Daddy gets home stretch before us, I would be at the computer or in the recliner watching Bravo's marathon of America's Next Top Model. So I'd end up doing most of the housework after J's bedtime anyway.

The best benefit I can think of as to why working makes me a better mom is that I work really hard at what I do now. With my family as a solid purpose behind why I work, I do my absolute best to keep my job and keep moving forward. I try to employ the organizational and prioritization skills I use at work in my home life, although sometimes I fall short. I try to be as empathetic and understanding as possible with my co-workers, employees, and clients, so being a mom makes me a better employee, too.

In the end, the other thing that makes me a better mom as a full-time employee is that my son gets the BEST MEDICAL BENEFITS I could ever ask for. Seriously, it's awesome. And I'm sure he will appreciate it one day.

Please feel free to participate in our little blog hop: check out Julia's page here, where you can link to other like-minded moms as we work out our work/life balance. Stay at home moms feel free to read it too, so that we can all get past out "grass is greener" syndrome: maybe reading about our struggled will help reaffirm your decision to stay home with your precious babies!

And the Winner is...

2010-09-28T08:08:00.000-07:00

Posted at 9:06AM on September 21 by auncango:

"I think I need the black and white heart hair barrettes."

Well, they're yours! Congratulations on winning the Katie's Kreations giveaway!

I will set you two up with each others info ASAP so you can do some happy shopping.

And for the rest of you, don't forget that Katie is doing her "Buy One, Get One Half Off sale!" I know I have my eye on a couple of items that I will definitely be ordering soon. I should also mention that Katie has a more sophisticated line as well that can be found here: 55 Maple. As if I haven't tempted you enough...

Thanks for your support everyone, and please vote for me on Picket Fence blogs if you like what I'm putting out there! I enjoy reading all the other mom bloggers out there, and I hope you enjoy reading mine.

I have two more giveaways lined up for the next couple of months, so keep watching!

The Most Expensive Vacation I Didn't Take

2010-09-26T18:41:00.000-07:00

Or alternatively titled, It Is God's Plan, After All.

We made it to Mt. Airy Friday night and a couple of times on the way, my hubs complained about the clutch getting "stuck" halfway to the floor after he shifted. We thought, "hmmm" but didn't do much about it until we left the festival to go to the hotel Friday night. It stuck at least 3 times in the 2 miles to the hotel and each time he had to stick his foot under it to lift it back up. We decided we would get it to a shop first thing the next morning, and went to bed happy.

Easier said than done: although there were three car shops within view of our hotel, none belonged to Mazda, only two were open, and only one (the sketchiest looking of the bunch) had a mechanic who could do more than the basic oil change. At this point, it was freaking me out to drive the thing b/c it was stalling all over the place. The mechanic at the Snappy Lube or whatever said it would be TWO HOURS before he could even look at it to tell us if he could fix it or not. So instead we spent nearly an hour on the phone with our insurance carrier trying to weigh options for a tow, a dealership, and a car rental. The news was not good. All would cost an arm and a leg, and with it being noon on Saturday none were getting the car looked at before Monday. With a rear-facing infant seat and being 35 miles from civilization, our options were considerably decreased.

So I did what any girl would do in this situation: I called my mommy. And she is all kinds of awesome, so she drove 2 1/2 hours to pick us up and take us back home to get a rental car while our car was also being towed to a dealership near home (yeah, that cost more than we were planning to spend on our little weekend vacation).

This may sound like a really crummy weekend. But it gets worse. Last night before J's bedtime, he was burning up and cranky (he had been running a low grade fever earlier) and I checked his temp and got 103.5. YIKES! We luckily were able to keep our cool heads and gave him a tepid bath and some fake Tylenol and his temp dropped 2 degrees in an hour. The nurseline said to call if it dropped less than 1 degree in an hour, so we were safe, put him to bed, and his fever continued to drop overnight.

When we were getting ready to turn in, we noticed that a leak was coming through our living room ceiling. It's right under the master bedroom, but we hadn't used the shower since yesterday morning. In any case, we put a bucket under it and went on to bed. Luckily, it seems to have stopped despite the crazy rain we've been getting, so it's likely a pipe in the bathroom that we will have to call (and pay) someone to repair. I can't even process that right now, so we're just going to use the guest bathroom and schedule someone to come Friday morning. At this point, it's almost comical.

But here's the next bit of news: a little while ago, baby boy tripped and busted his lip on a toy truck, and you know how those injuries bleed. So, I gave him the cool compress as long as he would stand for it, put him down for an early nap, and called the pedi. Between the fever, the mysterious bug bites on his legs, cheek, and arm, and the busted lip, I'm just going to feel better if he sees a doctor.

Now I'm online researching the Hyundai recall and trying to argue with the car rental place about whether our rental car is part of this recall, and why I was told if we needed to extend it we would receive the same ultra-affordable rate, but when I called to extend it the rate is 3 times what we're paying now.

Sometimes, you just have to lean on God and know that there's something he's trying to teach us out of all of this, like maybe we should be thankful that we have amazing family willing to loan their hotel room to us on a hot afternoon or drive 300 miles to pick us up, great bosses who don't bat an eye when we say "I know I am already taking two days off this week, but I also might have to leave early another day to take care of some stuff" or a hubby who is there by my side through all of it. If the worst thing we get is a busted lip and some repair debt, we're doing ok.

For those of you HOPEFULLY having a better weekend/week than me, why not extend your good fortune by entering my great giveaway? It's the last day to enter, although I doubt I will have the time or energy tomorrow to select a winner, but I will announce by Wednesday who the lucky person is!

100th Post: Free Movie Friday!

2010-09-24T05:18:00.000-07:00

Well, guys, I made it to 100. Wow.

For Free Movie Friday this week, I'm keeping it light in case you are in need of comedy. Now, I wouldn't say that Hot Tub Time Machine is the funniest movie evah, but for a free rental, it hits the spot. Especially if you can remember the 80's (which would mean you were born in the 70's like me).

Now, I have always loved me some John Cusack, but I have to admit he seemed strangely...older...in this movie. Like, he has aged sufficiently where I can finally tell that he would definitely be too old for me, but he's still John Cusack. Craig T. Robinson was so funny. Comepletely different from his character on the Office, and his character in the movie was so uncomfortable, it was hilarious to watch him squirm because he's usually so confident. By far, though, the most laughable person in this movie was one Rob Corddry. That guy played the funniest character: put it this way, his opening scene showed him almost crashing a Trans Am (or other similar retro sports car...they all look like Trans Ams to me) into his own garage.

Overall, the premise was completely stupid and silly, but sometimes you just want to watch a stupid, silly, slapstick comedy. And this one hits the spot. The exploration of '80's stereotypes was particularly nostalgic and amusing for me. And there are a few scenes that make the weaker spots worth sitting through. Oh, and PS: if you like watching Chevy Chase in Community, you'll get a kick out of him here.

So grab a bowl of popcorn, someone else that would remember rolling (or pegging, for the more sophisticated of you, in the South it was just "rolling") their jeans, huge shoulder pad sweaters, and mullets being cool, and grab this DVD for free at any Redbox at a Walgreen's with the code: DVDATWAG.

I'll have to do some digging to find another code for next week. Until then, I remind you (yet again) to enter my giveaway and win some cool stuff!

It's Almost Friday!

2010-09-23T07:36:00.000-07:00

Well, this week is full of new things...first my GIVEAWAY (go enter, hint hint) and now my first Blog Hop with Family Friendly Frugality's Almost Friday Blog Hop. That's a lot of capital letters.

In any case: it's ALMOST FRIDAY. And while I usually look forward to Fridays for so many reasons, the least of which being time to relax with my family, this weekend the excitement is ramped up even more. I am heading for the hills tomorrow, literally, around 3PM.

Let me tell y'all, I may be Southern but I am not a redneck. However, my weekend begins tomorrow with an overnight stop at the Mayberry Festival in Mount Airy, NC, visiting my mother-in-law as she helps her boyfriend regain his title of State Champion Pig Cooker. I am not even kidding...

Then we will continue on to Boone so that I can try out my new Ergo on Grandfather Mountain, exploring the mile-high swinging bridge and wild bear conservatory. Jeans, tennis shoes, and highs in the 70's are where I am AT this weekend! We even decided to splurge and get a suite hotel, mostly because my toddler is such a good sleeper that he needs his own room, and Mama and Daddy didn't want to be turning in for the night at 9PM. This is vacation, right?

So, while I wish I had more for you today, I am trying to wrap things up at work and skipping my usual lengthy lunch break in order to skip out early tomorrow.

I hope everyone will check out my giveaway...Katie will make you guys very happy with some new stylish bling.

See ya soon! Hopefully I will have a new Free Movie Friday code to share tomorrow.

I Have Foot-in-Mouth Disease

2010-09-22T13:17:00.000-07:00

Although prompt number 1 on Working Mom Wednesday is the popular one today, and I have enjoyed reasing everyone's "you know you're a working mom when..." lists immensely, I could write a BOOK about prompt # 2:

2. A time you said something inappropriate (a bad joke, a snarky remark, a comment to your boss, etc.)

Well, y'all, I just have to admit...I am FULL of these stories, but I guess I will let you in on a work-related incident not too recently to still be embarrassed about.

We had some marketing changes that had to be updated by a certain date, and were promised an email with some "schematics" that we could follow to ensure it was put up properly. 10AM that day came and went, and nowhere had we heard anything at all.

Finally, around 4PM on a Friday, we got an email from my boss' assistant with the instructions and an URGENT! message saying it had to be done that day. Now, in my defense, my boss' assistant is the person who interviewed and made a hiring decision on me three years ago, and we've always been close. She uses me to vent (and laugh) and I have used her for the same in the past.

However, the email I fired back without even having time to think was something like "well, nice that we FINALLY have it and have an hour to put it up". Okay, it was almost exactly those words. I think it was about 30 seconds after I hit send that I followed it with this response:

"I'm so sorry, that was not directed at you, and it was entirely inappropriate." And some other things, but the gist was that I didn't want her to think I thought she was falling down on her job...that girl is crazy good at what she does, and the last thing I need is to offend my bosses boss' assistant.

Whew...I think that as I am travelling through motherhood these foot-in-mouth instances are shrinking. Let's hope!

Oh, and please check out my giveaway this week!

A For Real Giveaway This Time!

2010-09-21T07:00:00.000-07:00

So, does everyone remember way back in February when I did my first ever blog giveaway? Probably not, considering 2/3 of you have joined me since then, but this time I am actually having a for-real, not just something I bought but something that someone else who makes beautiful, whimsical, unique, girly things has offered to let me surprise y'all with.

Her name is Katie, and she makes quirky jewelry and thing-a-ma-bobs for girls, tweens, and stylish women of every age alike. Here is her Etsy shop. Go there! She does a buy one, get one half off sale all the time. I can personally vouch for her work and her customer service, as I have bought gifts from her before.

Here is something for the little babes:

Or how about something for the tweens in your life?

Or maybe, like me, mama wants something for herself, like my personal favorites:

Who doesn't love the idea of these unique rings? And at only $5 to $12, and extremely reasonable shipping, you almost can't afford NOT to treat yourself. I know I am sure to get a compliment when I wear one of these:

Now, the exciting part: one of you is going to win a $10 credit to Katie's Kreations. You could get something for yourself and a friend (I mean your kid, of course). I will leave this open until midnight next Monday (technically Tuesday) so you have almost a full week to enter. You only have to do two things to enter: become a follower of this blog, and visit Katie's page to let me know the most irresistible item you can find.

If you would like to gain extra entries, you can do that by spreading the word for this giveaway by linking to your own blog . Did you notice my two fancy new buttons? You can also win extra entries by giving me my very first votes as a member of picket fence blogs! Feel free to vote (and leave a comment) each day of the giveaway. Leave a separate comment for each action you perform, and I can't wait to give something back to you guys!

A Temporary Change

2010-09-20T20:57:00.000-07:00

I'm just going to be honest, this is not my favorite (or permanent) look.

But hopefully, those of you using Firefox will now be able to read my blog without having to highlight the text.

Monday Menu

2010-09-20T09:45:00.000-07:00

Y'all, I want to participate in Mama Insomnia's Mom Friendly Meals Monday so bad...but I am swamped today and want to enjoy the rest of my leftover Chili's queso and salsa lunch. I wish I had more to say, but tonight we are having sandwiches.

Before you say I'm copping out and not participating, let me tell you about the sandwich I am making:

Yummy whole grain bread, the kind with poppy seeds and sesame seeds on the edges. Love it. Oven roasted turkey, from the deli, along with the most yummy cheese imaginable: Boar's Head Horseradish Cheddar. Our favorite condiment: Napa Valley Honey Mustard with Orange and Ginger (it makes ANY sandwich). Top that off with some arugula and the last of my dad's tomatoes, and this is sandwich ART.

So, while I don't have anything fancy prepared, I do have a solution when you are having those "FML" nights and just want to make something easy. It takes 10 minutes at the grocery store, even less time in the kitchen, and dinner is served!

And Tomorrow, I will have my first real giveaway!

Frugal, Fickle, or Felon?

2010-09-16T07:41:00.000-07:00

You know those chicks in movies, magazines, and Hollywood who have a "signature smell"? Like, "I've been wearing Chanel No. 5 since 1986"? Not me. I like change, I like new, I like to be different and unique. So I wear different perfumes frequently.

And I have high standards for perfume. Nothing floral, it just smells like old lady on my skin. I go for the citrusy and clean scents in the summer and something a little more heady and sensual in cooler weather. I like the idea of smelling exotic or sexy. But, perfume changes over time and 4 hours later (or even 10 minutes later) smells completely different than when you first spritzed it on. Because of this, I always have to sample before I buy.

This used to entail going into Sephora and spritzing myself, then doing the rest of my mall shopping before deciding what I wanted to buy. (I buy perfume like once a year, don't get all excited thinking this is my Carrie Bradshaw shoe equivalent and I have a vanity covered in fancy perfumes bottles. I don't even have a vanity. I have a bookshelf leftover from college that just happens to fit in the space between my bathroom counter and the wall; that's where my girl crap gets stored.) But this didn't work well, because I usually couldn't commit after just one day. Perfume is, after all, a long term commitment, and that would be like moving with a guy you just met at a concert the night before.

So one time I asked if they had a sample, and lo and behold, the Sephora lady pulls out the drawer underneath the display and ::hallelujah:: there are thousands of tiny spritz bottles in there just waiting for her to fill with any of the hundreds of perfumes they carry. The first time, I didn't feel guilty.

But yesterday, after quietly asking "do you guys have samples?" for oh, I don't know, about the sixth time in three years, and then getting two to go, I did feel a little twinge of guilt, like I was ripping them off. (You can, too, all you have to do is ask nicely.) So, I'm considering buying Lavanila Vanilla Coconut if I get any money gifts at Christmas. It's quite lovely, actually, warm and sensual and I feel special when I wear it. That's what a good perfume should do. I highly recommend their line...it smells a little sweet out of the bottle, but give it a little while to settle in and it's not quite so cotton candy. It blooms very nicely. They also have a baby line...I'm thinking of trying it.

So, it's not stealing if they offer it, right? And to my credit, I always buy my perfume from there when I do decide to take the plunge. Hope this is a useful tip for any of you who have perfume-commitment issues like myself!

WMW: Working Life as A Mom

2010-09-15T08:48:00.001-07:00

I'm an internet failure. Just saying. This blog needs some work. And I promise a massive overhaul soon, but mommy needs some free time to get online and research things like html codes and designing my own webpage instead of using Blogger's templates. Here is why: I suck at pictures. It's a pain to add them through Blogger, they always end up at the top and I have to drag them down to where I want them. That's why you rarely get any from me, and also why I don't post snazzy LOLCats or participate in any kind of blog hop requiring a badge to be made. Sad, I know.

It's also because if you use the Mozilla browser, apparently my page doesn't load right and you don't get the nice dark grey background that should be behind these words, making it extremely difficult to read and nearly impossible to find links or comments. Oopsie. And lastly, because while I'm at work I cannot post the badge for Working Mommy Wednesday, so a link will have to do. Count the days until basketball season, ladies. I will have 5 free nights all to my own while hubby is supporting our team (so, by November 13 I should have a new look).

I guess that means today I'm answering number 2: Working Life as a Mom versus a Regular Human.

Obviously, there's no question that life is more fulfilling now. But, in it's own way, life was very fulfilling pre-husband-baby. And working full-time was easy. I have to work Black Friday? No problem. I can work the 6AM shift and then already have my parking space at the mall. Two weekends a month? And at least two closing shifts a week? Awesome: that means 4 days I get to sleep in. Plus, there's nothing I quite enjoy like going to the $1.50 movies by myself at 2PM on a Thursday. When you work retail, that's a typical schedule.

Now? 5:10, I'm out the door. I've got a smiling, bubbly, sweet little blond that wants to hurry up and get home so that he can request (in words, now) "yogurt" for dessert. Nothing can beat that, which is why I work a "normal" career in an industry that keeps banker's hours. I gave up my high-paying, exciting, flexible, creative, and enjoyable career in retail management to work at a desk doing various paperworking activities all the live long day.

That doesn't give my job enough credit: I actually enjoy it very much, look forward to the challenges of work, and feel that I am in a good position to figure out where I really want to go from here. I have learned a ton in the four short months since my last promotion and can't wait to see where it takes me. I just don't get paid enough to feel that working more than 40 hours in a week (or on a Saturday) would ever be justified. And it is a struggle to leave that sweet boy at daycare every day, even if he loves being there.

But still, if this is what is has to be, I will suck it up and love it. No questions asked, I was always made to be a working mom. I'm just still trying to find the balance.

Mom Friendly Meals Monday

2010-09-13T08:31:00.000-07:00

All right, I'll bite. Literally. I love a good recipe, and lately I have felt like my head is not screwed on straight. I'm sure you can tell by my "tone" lately...do I seem stressed out? Overwhelmed? Pushed to my limit? I'm trying to calm myself down, realize that life ebbs and flows, and this is a phase I will soon conquer just as we conquered low milk supply and sleeping through the night.

My cute friend Mama Insomnia is someone who I know without a doubt I would make fast friends with if she didn't live somewhere in the middle of the country instead of being an East-Coaster like myself. And she is starting up a Monday service to the poor, crazy, stretched to the limit working moms like myself where we share an easy, fast, stress-free recipe on Mondays. Because honestly, who wants to go home and cook on a Monday?

Since I wasn't prepared today, I will rattle off my go-to recipe for busy weeknights and those chain email "recipe exchanges". (This used to be what hubs and I made when we wanted to spend dinner on the couch. It fits in one bowl, and a beer fits nicely in hand number two while you are on your way out of the kitchen.)

What shall we call it? Chicken and Apple sausage. Shopping list: a package of chicken and apple sausage (found somewhere in between the breakfast meats and hot dogs), a vidalia or other sweet onion, and an apple. Granny Smith or gala work fine for us.

Cut everything into discs (sausage) or strips (onions and apples). Saute the onions in a little butter or canola oil. And when I say saute, I mean caramelize, which basically consists of putting the heat on about 6-7 to start, and only stirring when the onions have sat enough to start browning. In this dish, you want those nice "burned" bits. Eventually, you will add the sausage and continue to cook (the sausage is usually pre-cooked and needs to be heated). Towards the end of the caramelization, you'll throw the apples in and cook just until they get soft. Spoon a generous portion into a nice bowl, add a fork, and voila.

Feel free to spend the in-between stir times like I do: feeding the dog, and chasing the baby around the house while he drags every single toy he has from the living room to the kitchen.

Enjoy! And please link your recipes to IMO:FWIW blog!

Free Movie Friday

2010-09-10T11:50:00.000-07:00

So, you know those weeks where you have all these great blog post ideas and get all excited to post, but then Monday is a holiday and you're tired, and on Tuesday your company sends a reminder about non-company-related Internet usage, and it's really busy at work and you end up only getting on Blogger during your lunch breaks and oh-my-Gawd, I have only read like 4 blog posts this week anyway (and if you only read one, you have to read Kelley because she can even turn a Get-to-know-you post into all types of hilarity) and deep breath: that's the kind of week I had.

But I won't leave you hanging on Free Movie Friday. I know you need to get your romantic Redbox date on after the kids are in bed. So, go rent "Up In The Air". It's quirky, it's romantic, it's a little bit of the fantasy life we all wish we could lead sometimes, and it has George Clooney in it. I'm pretty ambivalent about George Clooney in the looks department. I think it's one of those things where because everyoneelseisdoingit, I don't want to, so while I do find Clooney attractive, I don't swoon all over him like I would if a pro hockey player were to knock on my office door right now. Plus my mom and mother-in-law both think he's hot, and so that means he's kind of untouchable.

His acting, skills, however, are still grossly underrated. I can't figure out quite how he hasn't racked up Meryl-Streep style Oscar nominations yet, but I guess he's a late bloomer. His subtle comedy skills are fantastic, and just as effective as the gross stupid boy-comedy skillz of the likes of Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly (although I LOVE me some Ricky Bobby, y'all!)

The supporting cast is just fantastic: Anna Kendrick reminds you of that girl in AP Chemistry who just got EVERYTHING right but gloated over it so much that no one could stand to be around her. And Vera Farmiga played that exotic, mysterious, intriguing leading lady that every woman wishes we could be. Also, Melanie Lynskey is so cute and I wish she were in more movies, and I've had a crush on Jason Bateman since the 80's (and apparently, they are remaking Arrested Development as a movie...I am so excited)!

The story is excellent, and the script itself is very tight, with no time to feel bored or let down, but also not the edge-of-your-seat tension that some movies have. Overall, it's the perfect movie: interesting, it holds your attention, but you don't have to try to hard to "get it".

And you can get it free if you use this code: BREAKROOM

Working Mom Wednesday: My Morning Commute

2010-09-08T11:21:00.000-07:00

This is fast becoming my favorite weekday routine (Working Mommy Wednesday, not the morning commute). I have all but ceased scheduling lunch out on Wednesday because I know I will have something blog about so I just eat a sandwich from home and blog surf. Is it sad that this is one of the highlights of my week? In fact, Wednesday is about to become a favorite day when Modern Family and Cougartown return to the fall line-up.

So today's topic: What do you do on your commute to work - listen to the radio, enjoy peace and quiet, etc.

My morning commute is...interesting...to say the least. My entire commute, including dropping Jacob off at daycare, used to be 7 miles and take roughly 20 minutes each way. Until I got a promotion and started working in the :big city: as opposed to the :Big Country: where I live, as Mema used to call it. Now, I carpool Monday-Wednesday and sometimes more with my husband, which means my one-way commute is now an hour long and over 30 miles. To some people, that's not that much, but to me it is sooooo looong. Some days I love it, some days it's torture, and some days it's just right.

Before I accepted this position but knew a change was imminent, I was actually looking forward to the commute. I felt like I had no time to myself at home, spent some of my lunch breaks visiting my baby, or grocery shopping, and had few lunch choices in the suburban town I live in. I thought it would be nice to listen to more of my favorite morning show (G105 Showgram Shout-Out...Woooo) or talk to my friend in Texas (Jenny McCarthy shout out...woooo...you hate me for that, I know). I also knew I could get Indian food at the buffet around the corner and finally meet my favorite bloggy buddy BA for lunch. And for a while, this has served me well.

But today I am tired. Tired of the grind. Tired of not getting home until 6:30PM every night and only having a homecooked meal if I spent an hour preparing it the night before after JTD was in bed. Seriously...last night DH and I did not even sit down (except to eat) until well after 10PM. I made a lasagna that we can just bake for 15 minutes tonight, he steam cleaned the carpet, we moved furniture, cut up fruit, made bottles, did laundry, etc. I could literally fall asleep at my desk right now.

In fact, I actually DID fall asleep on this morning's commute. (While my hubby was driving.) I'm sure that was a lovely sight to my fellow I-40 traveller's. I'm considering making it part of my daily commute.

On the way home, however, especially on the non-carpool days, I LOVE commuting. I put on a good CD, one that I can belt at the top of my lungs to, and before I know it I'm at daycare ready to pick the little man up. I love Thursdays. So tomorrow if you see me shouting along to some Foo Fighters, you know I'm loving the drive.

I'm Not Much For Country Music

2010-09-07T08:12:00.000-07:00

You wouldn't believe it by hearing me speak, knowing my family, or seeing the farmland that lies within a mile of my neighborhood, but I didn't even listen to country music at all (well, other than the Charlie Pride 8-track that I used to catch in my Mema's car when I was little) until well into high school. And only then because a boy I liked was a fan.

Even now, my "love" for country music ebbs and flows like the tide. Some days I like it and it gets me jazzed, some days I think it sounds like a bunch of redneck trash and I just want to hear David Gray or Pearl Jam. But yesterday, country music saved me. Not from anything big, just from a little despondentness. (If that's not a word, it should be.)

I don't know if it's my monthly friend, my breastfeeding hormones continuing to wane, or just being worn down from the daily grind, but I was feeling really down Sunday night. Like, bordering on depression down. It was a long weekend; I got to see family, sleep in, hang out with my baby, spend some quality time with my hubby, and I should have been feeling good and rested and loose Sunday evening, knowing I had a whole other day off work. But instead, I felt like I was still working. I was tired, worn down, emotionally drained, and just feeling like I hadn't really gotten a rest yet.

The worst part of feeling this way for me is the guilt that accompanies those feelings. I have friends with children with major health and developmental issues, who have suffered debilitating PPD, who live 1000 miles from any family or friends that could help out and give them a much-needed break now and then, whose marriages are suffering, who have been searching fruitlessly for a job for over a year and who may have to sell their home, and the list goes on and on (this is not one friend but several, just in case you were confused by my misuse of possesive and tenses). I have a home, a little piece of land, a stable (if sometimes a little too volatile, I mean, passionate) marriage, a supportive family, two incomes, and an amazingly healthy child. I am lucky. I have NO RIGHT to complain.

But sometimes, y'all, the loss of control I feel over my life gets to be a little more than I can handle. And I try to rely on good friends and my husband to bring me through that, but occasionally it takes a little more to escape that drowning feeling. And yesterday, driving along with Jacob babbling in the backseat, I happened to flip to the country station and Trace Adkins "You're Gonna Miss This" started playing. And I lost it. It was just what I needed to break out of the slump I've been in this past week and get. over. myself. Life is hard, right? Some days I need to suck it up and just be thankful for what I've got. Even if that means I have too much laundry to sort, too much paperwork in the office that needs to be filed, and a lack of focus on the details of my life (like where Jacob's shoes may be).

So here's to shrugging off the shadows and focusing on the bright lights in my life. Because if it were not for those dark moments, I wouldn't be able to realize how much joy I get when that little boy grins at me. Or how amazingly successful and together I felt when the first shopping trip with my new Ergo was pure fun, even if people were looking at me like a crazyhippie mama while I talked to my son the whole time I was picking out veggies. I can DO this, y'all!

Free Movie Friday!

2010-09-03T09:18:00.000-07:00

So, I'm sure a lot of you know this already, but the certain free-standing movie box that you find outside of some grocery and drugstores publishes free codes occasionally. And I am purposefully not naming the retailer b/c I don't know at what point I step into some kind of crazy legal territory here. I am not any kind of paid advertiser or endorser. I just know some trade tricks.

I figure that as of right now, I have enough codes to get us through 3 weeks of movie reviews, and after that, we'll see. Here goes my first foray. It will be brief...I only have 9 minutes of a lunch break left...

By far, the single best movie I have seen in the last, I don't know, maybe 5 years? Maybe since Forrest Gump? Or Magnolia? That would be Crazy Heart. (Okay, actually that would be Rachel Getting Married, but since that is not yet available in the box of crimson that I speak of, I can't really include it in Free Movie Friday. But if you are a Netflixer, put it in your queue now!)

The Jeff Bridges hype is REAL. I was lucky enough to see 3 of the Best Actor nominated performances of last year, and this performance blew even the talents of George Clooney and Jeremy Renner away. He made every part of that role believable, right down to the idea that a late-20's-something gorgeous woman could fall for an old, on the edge of losing everything alcoholic. And his performance wasn't the only thing of note in this movie: the story, the music, the cinemetography, the performances by every actor in the movie; all of it was perfection, right down to the closing credits. It was like a gritty, less-polished, more real version of Walk The Line.

It doesn't matter if you are a fan of drama, comedy, country, rock, or Texas. This is a FANTASTIC movie. You will not be disappointed, although you will be moved. You may even cry. I bawled buckets, right in the theater and on the way to the car, but that's because the story touched a very personal nerve about my own family. In fact, I'm not sure how this film wasn't at least nominated for Best Film.

And if you'd like to see it for free this weekend: here is your code: DVDONME

Tag...You're It!

2010-09-02T06:49:00.000-07:00

So my friend Ingrid (and I can say that...we've totally Skyped) over at her adorably pink blog Avery and Me tagged me in a fun bloggy-buddy game to "get to know your fellow blogger". I think today is the perfect time to respond, since I'm kind of busy and emotionally drained. It's a quick recharge for me and I don't have to come up with a topic!

So here goes:

1. What's your favorite flavor of ice cream? I am complicated. It changes from time to time, but I will admit that twice in the last 6 weeks I have had a double scoop of Ben and Jerry's Bonnaroo Buzz and Chocolate Therapy. I think Chocolate Therapy says it all.

2. What was the worst job you've ever had? Although I'm cheesy and think every job is a learning experience, it would have to be selling Cutco Knives. You know, like, the door to door presentation/referral based business. It was kind of high pressure and cultish, and they didn't pay me my last commission check, which caused me to literally flip my lid in front of my brand new college suitemates. After that I became known as "the one who kicked her shoe through the window."

3. Best vacation you ever took? My honeymoon. Best decision we ever made was to stay stateside and visit San Fran, drive up Highway 1 along the rocky beaches, cross over to Napa and Sonoma, and end up in a very high end boutique hotel in Sausalito. AWESOME vacation, and we're considering a repeat for our big anniversary next year.

4. What's your dream job/career? My dream career does not exist. I would LOVE to be a wedding planner/florist/decorator. I would be SO AWESOME at it. I deisgned and made the flowers for my own and my sis' wedding. But unfortunately, I gave up working weekends long ago and I don't know many brides that want to get married Monday-Friday b/t the hours of 9-5, so it really is a dream job!

5. Who was your favorite teacher and why? I had some really great elementary teachers, but I have to say my high school drama teacher, Doug Patterson, made the biggest impression on me. He took me to the big apple for the first time and introduced us to really cutting edge theatre (back then) like Rent and Stomp. I directed a full-length play in high school with minimal faculty participation and just had a wonderful experience. I learned a lot about myself.

Now I'm supposed to nominate some people to participate. I'm going to go out on a limb here and actually nominate a NON-MOM-BLOGGER!

1) Melissa from In The Short Rows (if you want a glimpse into the life of a real farmer, here it is.)
2) Also, my newest reader who is responsible for introducing me to the Working Mommy Network, D from Dearinger Diary
3) Finally, Christine from A Mama Stork Knows, b/c OMG! You guys HAVE to click and go see this pic of 10 month old Rosemary...

The Hardest Part of Hump Day

2010-09-01T07:10:00.000-07:00

Thought that title might get me a few google-link views.

Just kidding...It's Working Mommy Wednesday!

And since I'm all reciped out (although I may let the hubby guest blog his INFAMOUS baked bean recipe sometime soon) I guess I am going with topic number 2, the hardest part about being a mom. Wow. When I've managed to escape what I feel the real tough tests of parenting are (sleepless nights, PPD, developmental issues, major illnesses) it feels like of asinine for me to complain about any part of parenting. After all, I signed up for it. I knew going in what to expect.

But what I could NEVER understand, despite the millions of warnings, are how fast time would fly. It's been a week since his first birthday and I have a walking, pointing, sort-of talking toddler (to brag for a moment, his pediatrician told us that his language skills are well past a typical 12-month old's). It seems like just yet=sterday that we had a snow day in February where we all sat around in our pajamas until 3PM and the baby took a 1 1/2 hour nap on my shoulder.

The most difficult thing about this time-flying-phenomenon is how as soon as I get used to the "normal" of one stage, it seems we are on to the next, and our whole parenting philosophy, routine, and feeding style changes all at once. Like, when I was home on maternity leave and I wished for just one nap a day where I could put the baby in his crip instead of holding him. When I finally got to the point where I relished soaking up all his loving cuddles, he decided that he would rather put himself to sleep alone in his crib after all. All those months I spent wishing for a self-soother, and just like that I had one, with no more mid-morning naps in my bed. And now I would give anything to hold my two month old for a day and smell his sweet smell and just do nothing but love on him.

For now, I have learned my lesson. Despite the difficulties, I will enjoy each stage we're in at the time, because I now know that as soon as I get used to the independent distance and tantrums, he will flip the switch and be climbing into my lap and saying "I love you mama," and it will be even sweeter

Year Number Two...Aaannnd Go!

2010-08-30T13:23:00.000-07:00

So. I have a toddler. A friend asked me today what it feels like to have a 1 year old, and at the time I wasn't quite sure what to answer, but now that I've had all afternoon to reflect, it feels...strangely anti-climactic.

I was pretty emotional last Wednesday, but not any more than usual. Since having a child, it's as though the pregnancy hormones have never quite left my body, and I can get weepy just at the image of my son stopping halfway across the living room to laugh at himself, for who knows what reason. Everything makes me cry. Especially being in church.

It's hard to explain, but, while I feel like I have far exceeded my own expectations of myself as a mother, I have been a big fat FAIL at being a better wife, homemaker, and caretaker of my family. I do not vacuum enough. I have not mopped the kitchen floor in way too long. I have dropped my 1st 6-months of mommyhood habit of doing a load of laundry each night (including folding and putting away) and now have two or three piles of unfolded laundry in the bonus room upstairs. I still have not unpacked the big suitcase from our beach trip a MONTH ago and just last night put the beach bags back in the closet upstairs.

I have paid bills late because I forgot about them, kept a constant pile of random stuff on the side table downstairs, and completely neglected my herbs this summer. My dog is not current on her heartworm medicine or flea and tick, and hasn't had a bath in over a month. (She did jump in the pool yesterday...that counts, right?) I can't find anything in my house or office because I don't have any kind of organizational system anymore...I am barely treading water when it comes to housework.

The worst is that I constantly nag my husband about every little thing. And I tend to do it quite passive agressively, like this exchange: "I'm going upstairs, can you let Sidney out?" "Well, no, I was going to go up first and take my contacts out." I paused and answered, "oh, that's right, I'm the mom so it's my responsibility." I'm mean to him. And that's just not right. I know he forgets to take his stuff upstairs sometimes and opens the packaging to any new electronic "toy" like a 12 year old at Christmas, leaving the box and instructions just lying on the table or floor. But he also cuts the grass every week and cooks just as much as I do. And I need to give him more credit.

So, given these realizations, instead of making New Year's Resolutions, I'm treating my son's birthday like a new year: things I want to be better at as a mom. Part of being a mom is taking on the extra task of caring for another family member without letting the rest of my life go to pot, and I need to be reminded of the women of the sixties and seventies and eighties, the original working moms who did it all. That doesn't mean I'm not going to stand up for myself when I need my husband's help, but lets face it: he does a lot more than men did back then, and a lot more than the weight I see some men pull. I need to learn to live my life without complaining.

And I'm going to try to start tonight, right after my Fantasy Football draft.

Recipe Thursday: Banana Cupcakes

2010-08-26T12:22:00.000-07:00

Okay, I just made that up, but these are so good I have to share...

Just for you...I'll see if I can remember the recipe. This is supposed to make 12 muffins, but it always leaves a little extra so I make a couple of those little heart cakes. That's what little man had for his birthday last night and he went to town...at one point he tried to shove the whole thing in his mouth.

Mix together: 3/4 cups sugar, 1 1/2 cups of flour, 1 1/2 teaspoons of baking soda, and 1/4 tsp salt (I think it's weird that the sugar is mixed in with the flour, but it works.
In a hand or stand mixer, mash 3 very ripe bananas, then mix in 1 stick of melted butter, and 1 egg room temp. And some vanilla if you feel like it. Once combined, gradually mix in the flour/sugar mixture, and voila.

Bakes at 350 for about 25 minutes (you know, the whole toothpick thing).

I made a buttercream frosting for them, but I'm not good at measuring. I know I let one stick of butter soften, then I "whipped" it until it got fluffy, then added powdered sugar and whipping cream until I felt like it was the right consistency...this is by far my fave frosting and I think I'm even going to use it on his b-day cake now. I also added about 1-2 tsp of vanilla (I measure with the cap...)

Sorry for my recipe "format"...I'm a good cook, but bad at writing crap down! Enjoy! I made them while I was pregnant and had to have them again. It's probably why JTD loves bananas so much!

...A Year Ago Today.

2010-08-25T07:23:00.000-07:00

When I started this I was really excited to recount my birth story, but now it's my baby's birthday and what I really want is to write a big, fat letter about how much I love him and post it. Since I've baited you this far, I suppose I should finish the task at hand!

Waking up in the hospital was like not really waking up. I had spent the night strapped to so many monitors and contraptions that every time I had to go potty (which was like 847 because I was almost 10 months pregnant at this point) I had to wrap all these cords around my shoulders and hobble into the bathroom. I probably slept an hour and a half total. My Pitocin drip started between 8 and 9 AM, and despite the horror-story warnings I had received, my body worked surprisingly well with the drug. I began having contractions almost immediately, but they were soft, gentle, well-spaced, and generally just a minor interruption to my day.

This is the part where I wish I could change things. Doctors and nurses preach "protocol" in the hospital setting a lot, but going into it I knew that I didn't HAVE to be monitored the whole time if I felt like it wasn't necessary. Knowing the kind of birth experience I wanted, I should have been much more proactive and voiced my opinions instead of drifting blissfully along, eating jello and talking to DH while doing nothing but lying in bed all day. If I could go back, I would insist on 15 minutes an hour off the monitors as long as baby's heart rate was fine (it was) and my blood pressure was manageable (it was, barely). I would have showered, stretched myself across the birthing ball, walked the hallway, gotten on all fours, anything I could do to progress my own labor. But when you're strapped to an ever-increasing drip of Pitocin, the hospital staff start thinking lawsuit and get antsy.

Around 11AM things were looking promising...my contractions were steady, and I had dilated about 1/2cm, enough that my OB (our second favorite, and coincidentally the doc who delivered my 2 1/2 year old niece) could break my water. This was honestly the MOST painful part of my entire pregnancy, labor, delivery, and recovery. Probably because they usually wait until you are a little more open to do it, but that couldn't be helped in my situation. It took somewhere between 3-4 tries, but I was practically blind with vaginal pain at that point so I stopped counting.

The next 3 hours were awesome...and I mean awesome only by the fact that I felt something was HAPPENING. I was finally in LABOR! Despite our plea that we only wanted my mother and mother in law to visit, and only while I was in labor (not when time to push) we had several visits from other family throughout the day, and I didn't even mind. My contractions were getting stronger, so much that I needed to practice breathing techniques, and steady and closer together. When my OB can back to check around 2:30, I was sure she would tell me I was at a 4.

Not so much. My cervix HAD NOT BUDGED. At this point, everyone was still hopeful for a natural delivery, except me. I was too busy worrying and being a pessimist and having that Big C hanging over my head. Since baby was doing fine, she wanted to use an internal monitor to make sure my contractions were strong enough because I was already on a high dose of Pit. At this point, getting out of bed was no longer an option. She also suggested Stadol for the first time, and I surprised myself by accepting. Her argument convinced me: at the rate we were going, this could be a 24 hour labor and I needed to rest. My pain level was not as high as I had expected, but the contractions were definitely make sleep impossible.

The next 3 hours were a blur, mostly because of the two doses of Stadol (and two subsequent 1 hour naps) and the breathing and concentration through the heaviest contractions yet. They were painful and getting worse, but nowhere near the level of pain I thought I would be in. Even so, hubby and I had a plan for the next OB check. The guidelines were this: if I was dilated at a 6 or higher, no more drugs because I knew I could handle it, 4-6 would be epidural time, 2-4 was iffy maybe just more Stadol, and if I still wasn't past a 2, then surgery time it was. Maybe I gave in too soon, but after Cervadil, Pitocin, and no more than a 1/2cm progression in 20 hours, it was time to let this kid see the world.

The doctor gave me the choice, which I will be forever grateful for, but it was time. Once we said the word, I have never seen people move so fast. Apparently, there was an operating room opening up right away, and within 10 minutes I was naked from the waist down, being shaved by two nurses, and talking to an anesthesiologist while hubby and the moms were packing up our room. Within 20 minutes, I was being wheeled into an operating room, stuck in the spine, and strapped to a cold steel table, naked and exposed from the waist down. The 10 or so people in ther emoved like clockwork, and I think I had the best nurse anesthecist ever. My husband joined me, I felt nothing, we just looked at each other with love in our eyes and waited.

And at 6:36PM, our tiny baby boy was out and crying for the first time. I cried, of course, and when they whisked him into the next room with John by his side, I could hear him crying. It made me so happy first, because I knew he was alive and well, but the longer I went without him the more I felt the pull of "he's crying because he needs mommy".

The worst part of the c-section? Not being able to hold Jacob for more than an hour after his birth. The best part? Seeing my husband holding him first, and the absolute joy and pride coming from his face as he brought our son over to me.

And a year later, I cannot even explain all the ways my life has changed for the better. No matter what the sacrifice I've made, which hasn't felt like much this year, there is nothing I would change. My baby is happy, healthy, and even sometimes cuddly. He's intelligent and loves to point at things and say "be-gock?" which I guess is his way of saying "what's that?" He gives the best hugs and open-mouthed kisses a mama could ask for, loves people, loves his family, and brings so much love and laughter into our home. I cannot wait to see what the next year holds.

...A Year Ago Today...

2010-08-24T07:26:00.000-07:00

Was probably the most emotionally demanding day of my life.

My doctor's appointment (41w1d) was a rollercoaster of emotions. First of all, I was thrilled because it was with my favorite doc out of the 5 rotating OB's at my practice. He was supportive of my hopes for low-intervention and was very laid back. When he checked, baby was head down, everything seemed good, but I had nothing going on "down there". Since we were at 41 weeks and he knew induction was a last resort for me, we did the "NST" which is where they monitor the baby's heart and movement and their response to any contractions (not that I had any). Sometimes they give you a low dose of Pitocin before they do this just to try to manufacture some uterine movement, but my doc didn't. No biggie, JTD passed with flying colors and the only hurdle left was the ultrasound. We were fully prepared to go back home and wait another week if needed.

Plus, the prospect of an ultrasound was really exciting...as someone with a normal pregnancy, I had not seen my little boy in pictures since my 18 week appointment! My excitement, however, faded as the ultrasound tech took measurement after measurement and commented more than once about my fluid level, saying it was harder to get a clear picture with so much less amniotic fluid in there. Also, my little guys' parts were measuring much smaller than they should have been. For a 41 week baby, the doc was probably expecting to see an 8 pounder, but what we saw was more like a 6 pounder with thighs measuring at 36 weeks. Had my baby stopped growing?

That, and the low amniotic fluid, made the decision for Doc. He called us into his office and said, "it looks like a great day to have a baby". My husband beamed like a proud new dad while I tried to hold back my tears. I knew what was coming. I was only dilated 1cm, having no contractions whatsoever, and the baby hadn't even really dropped. At this point, we had our bag packed and ready, but we still asked if we could go home and come back. Mainly because I was kind of in shock, and my husband really needed to mow the lawn. No, really...it had been more than a week and we knew it would be another week before he could get to it.

We left with plans to come back to the hospital that evening, and I cried almost the whole way home. Hubby decided it was a good plan to stop by work and let them know that he was taking his 2 week "paternity leave" starting then, and one of his co-workers felt the need to come out and congratulate me. So there I was, sobbing in the car, feeling even more guilty because I should be elated at the fact that I would be a mom the next day, and all I could think about was how it wasn't supposed to happen this way. While hubby mowed the grass I furiously signed online and read every birth story I could find while researching Bishop's Score. My Bishop's Score gave me a 45% chance of a c-section. Somehow, I knew as soon as I saw that, that I would be having one. So I did more research on c-sections and calmed myself down a little with the birth stories I saw posted that ended that way. I didn't want it to end that way, but at least I felt more prepared. (Thank GAWD that episode of Gray's Anatomy where that baby's arm gets severed during a c-s hadn't aired yet.)

I think I was finally feeling more myself when we got to the hospital. I was reading my gossip mags, hanging in bed, excited that I would finally get to feel labor pains. No, I'm not kidding, I really couldn't wait to feel a contraction. At this point, I was READY. For anything. I knew I could handle it.

Oh, how God takes our plans and throws them out the window sometimes.

A Year Ago Today...

2010-08-23T07:10:00.000-07:00

I was 41 weeks pregnant, and finally starting to wonder if things were ever going to go as planned.

(*I made you look, right...you thought this would be a birthday letter? Oh, no, ladies...this is Part 1 of a 3 day birth story. Pull up a chair and a cup of coffee and enjoy.*)

My nature is typically like that of a non-planner. My family's vacation agenda is actually classified as "No Agenda". In fact, that's the name of my dad's boat because when my sister and I were around 12 and 16, he got tired of us saying "what's on the agenda today?" So I didn't write a birth PLAN, I wrote some birth "preferences" (no, really, the sheet I took to the hospital said "birth preferences for Baby ____"). I had hoped to have a natural and minimally medicated labor and delivery. I was more comfortable with the idea of narcotic pain relief than the dreaded epidural, but since I had only prepared with the simple "here are all of your options" birth class and not invested time in Bradley, water birth, or Hypno-Babies, I knew that the chances of me not giving in to the pressure were about 50-50.

Mainly, I just wanted to go with the flow. (Word of advice: in retrospect, this was not a good plan, more on that tomorrow.)

So, on Sunday, at 41 weeks pregnant (and still wearing a non-maternity top, so what if it was stretched to the limit) I took a leisurely trip to the Farmer's Market with my BFF. We bought peaches for me to blanch and freeze, and then she gave me reflexology to try to help induce labor***. Walking and this one session of a wonderful foot massage were the only natural labor-induction techniques I tried. Maybe I would change that, too, if I could go back in time. But maybe not...I had a very relaxing week off before baby came, thinking about a lot of things. Mostly how much my life was going to change, and I better soak up my last chance to be lazy.

I had my OB appointment set for the next afternoon, and I was hoping that all the walking was doing something to stretch out my cervix. As a member of an online pregnancy community, I tried not to be discouraged by the fact that I had remained closed up tight the entire 3rd trimester, because every other day were birth story posts about how they went in for their 39,40 week appointment, talked over induction because they still hadn't dilated or effaced, only to go home and begin labor spontaneously.

Oh, how I waited that week to begin labor spontaneously. I had such an easy pregnancy, without so much as a vaginal cramp, but at this point I was actually starting to find myself jealous of the women complaining at 28 weeks of all the Braxton-Hicks they were having. Call me crazy, but I wanted to KNOW what a contraction was, what I was in for, even just a preview so that I could better gauge if I would be able to handle labor or not.

To wrap up Sunday, I relaxed for my reflexology session and went to bed early. No broken water, no labor pains, not so much as a hint of contraction in my girly region. What on earth would we find out at the doctor's appointment?

***Although I am in no way certified, for any of my readers out there full term pregnant and ready to give birth, try rubbing the indentation of skin between your heel and your ankle bone. Use firm, long strokes.***

Inspiration! Free from Working Mom Wednesday

2010-08-18T13:46:00.000-07:00

So as you can see at the top of my blog, I recently joined the Working Mom Network of bloggers, and by joined I mean that I brazenly slapped my pic and link down on their list of blogs without asking, thankyouverymuch.

Every Wednesday, they give me a break by providing two questions to inspire a post. Based on the fact that I have been trying to worm my way over to this site since my lunch hour at 2PM EST, I'd say that it feels like the answer to question number one today should be the hour of 4-5PM, when I am frantically trying to wrap up a bajillion things at work, lock my desk, and oh yeah, spend 19 minutes banging out a blog post.

But, it's really not the answer...

#1. What is your most stressful time of day and why?

The absolute most stressful time of day for me is from about 6:50-7:20AM each morning, particularly Mon-Wed. Hubby and I carpool those days, and pre-bebe I was the type to sleep until 7:50 when I had to be at work by 8:15. So, getting up at 6:15 is as early as it EVER gets now. Most mornings, this is when I nurse Jacob and spend a wonderful quiet 18 or so minutes dozing, staring into my son's eyes, carressing his tiny little elbow, and in general just being relaxed, preparing to start my day. The instant he is done, I have between 10 and 40 minutes to change a diaper, get him dressed, shower, let the dog out, feed the dog, make a half-ass barricade to keep the dog in the dining room since she's taken to an afternoon crapper recently and I really will scream if I come home to dog poo in the living room one more time this month, make sure the dog is not chasing any of the people that like to run in our neighborhodd, yell at the dog to stay out of the kitchen while I fix bottles, label yogurt (yogurt that will likely get thrown out because they let Jacob fill up on vanilla wafers before snacktime at daycare), find and pack lunch for me and hubs, and run back upstairs to put something on. Sometimes hubby helps, sometimes he spends the entire time getting himself ready only to come downstairs while I'm still in bra and panties with my hair in a towel and say "did you find something I can take for lunch today yet?" (Don't get me started on how Monday morning he looked at me in the car and remarked, "wow, you really do look like you just rolled out of bed.")

Sound stressful? It's much, much worse in person. Put it this way: I actually enjoy the commute because I can sit, finally. And because Jacob babbles the entire 4 miles.

#2. If you could have one day all to yourself, how would you spend it?

As I told my mom group today, AT A SPA. Preferably one with free saunas/steam rooms where I could sit around all day getting a massage, facial, pedicure, and reading gossip mags in nothing but a robe. But one big enough for me, istead of the ones I have to artfully drape over myself with a towel to cover the girly bits.

This Post is Non-Baby-Related. Or Maybe It Is.

2010-08-17T11:27:00.000-07:00

I am a Christian. I am a Libertarian. These two statements sometimes mix, and sometimes they combat against each other. Politics and religion are hard to mix, as we see every day, yet also they sometimes must go hand in hand. I would like to think that Jesus would be a Libertarian, albeit an outspoken one that would remind people not following the Law of God when they err. In any case, I cannot imagine who will be more shocked by my view on the "Ground Zero Mosque", my conservative friends and family, or my liberal ones.

I am having trouble understanding the controversy and the hate rhetoric being spewed (mostly on the side of those against the building of this community center) about this issue. As far as I can remember from my school teachings, which happened well before Under God was taken out of the Pledge of Allegiance, our first amendment in this country explains that we have the right to worship freely, speak freely, and live freely.

Do I think it's in the best interest of the practicing Muslims involved in the fight to build this community center two blocks from other people that happened to practice the same religion committed a horrible act of treason against our country? Maybe...it depends on their interests. If they are willing to accept that this may be a sore spot in the eyes of a lot of Americans for a while, and if their hope is that eventually (not immediately, but somewhere down the road as trust is built) this building could be a beacon of American freedom, acceptance, and unity, then I don't think it's that far reaching to assume that this is a possibility. I know that I, for one, do not want to be held accountable for what Jim Baker, Jerry Falwell, or Pat Roberson have ever said, and I cannot judge all people of Islamic faith by what a small, fanatical group of Muslims have done.

When it comes to other issues in the Muslim-American-Religion wars, I have the same viewpoint as I try to take in most of my political views: take care of yourself, and allow others the same freedom. Do I think it's fair to reschedule football practice for a month at a high school in Michigan because most of the team is Muslim and celebrating Ramadan? Well, if everyone on the team and their parents (because for high schoolers, parents are still supposed to be the household decision-makers) feels that it is an acceptable option, of course. A team is a team.

If we are going to be a country that is open and accepting to people of all race, religion, geographic background, without discrimination, then we can't pick and choose what we feel is acceptable to be tolerant of. If the Muslims who want to build the community center are tied to Al-Qaeda and beat their women into submission and promote the rape of children, then of course they don't have the right to build a mosque anywhere because they are breaking the law. If they are like the vast majority of American Muslims, who believe it or not may have left their home country because of the persecution they felt at not practicing certain orthodox parts of Islam, then extend an olive branch and let them build their mosque, which is far more likely to bring good service to the community than what the far-right are imagining.

Freedom of religion means freedom of religion. Period. I would be furious if the government told me I couldn't build a Baptist church on a piece of land I owned. The least I can do is extend the same courtesy to others.

And Still So Much to Learn

2010-08-16T11:26:00.000-07:00

I'm feeling inspired today by some drama on my favorite drama-seeking message board. Last week I checked in for the first time in weeks and saw that everyone was all in an outrage over a post made by the woman who writes this blog: http://1000reasonsimabadmom.com/ . I think her blog is cheeky, self-deprecating, and full of life's lessons to those of us travelling down the new motherhood path virtually unprepared for the stones that will be thrown at us. I doubt she is a bad mom, or even considers herself a bad mom. But, writing this blog has given her an outlet to vent those frustrations that we all come across from time to time when we turn our back and life surprises us.

Unfortunately, many members of "The Bump" did not feel this way, and therein ensued a riotous thread of threats to call CPS and wishes that she would give her beautiful son away for adoption because she obviously didn't deserve to be a mom. Really? Loosen up a little, ladies! We all have our moments, and we all need a way to get out the emotions that we can't wear on our sleeve daily for fear of actually having Child Protective Services called. She is not abusing or neglecting or even failing to celebrate her child. She is just pointing at the things in life that make it worth getting up, dusting ourselves off, and trying again.

Now, the one thing that has surprised me most about parenting thus far is how easy it has been for me. Easy is a relative term. My life is still much more hectic and stressful than before, but the rewards I've received for my hard work in the last 356 days has far outweighed the emotional and physical stress I've been through. I'm also lucky: my kid has had relatively consistent sleep patterns most of his life, is amazingly loving, smart, and independent, has remained very healthy with only an occasional bout of croup, and I escaped without a hint of the dreaded PPD (other than crying at the Pampers commercials and when he peed on the living room wall once, I have held it together somewhat).

But this morning, we had a mishap. A mishap of Bad-Mom proportions.

Jacob can climb stairs. He's pretty much been able to do this for about 3 1/2 months now, yet my husband and I have been extremely lazy about installing the gates and while there is one at the top of our staircase, the gate for the bottom is still sitting in a box in the garage. I'm not pointing fingers, but the "bad mom" in me (or is it bad wife) has a habit of sighing and rolling my eyes at my husband any time something is not done on time, like he's the only one responsible for baby-proofing, mowing the lawn, and car maintenance. I use the "but I do so much already" excuse a lot in our household.

So imagine the ice-cold grip in fear on my heart this morning as I was standing at the kitchen counter mixing formula bottles, half-listening to what my husband was talking about and too half-asleep to notice that the living room no longer contained the babbling and banging sounds of Jacob playing. Then the questioning "uunnnhhhh?" that is usually how baby boy tries to get our attention when he's unsure about something, coming from way too distant a place to be anywhere close by. My husband bolted, while I was frozen to the spot. The next thing I hear is heavy clomping up the stairs and "hey, buddy," before breathing a big sigh of relief.

My son, my not quite year old, 28" tall peanut, was standing at the top of 14 steps, trying to figure out why he couldn't open the gate and go into his room.

Sometimes, you just have to take your lumps and count your lucky stars that someone is stronger than you give them credit for. Thank God for this kid's balance and agility, because my Monday could have turned out far, far worse because of my own laziness.

I thank God for a lot of things every day, but today especially, I am humbled. And greatful.

"Got My Mojo Working"

2010-08-10T18:54:00.000-07:00

Um, or not...

Two of the things I've been surprised that I am enjoying as a woman no longer in her twenties are pop music and talk radio. These pleasantries are combined in my morning commute with the wonderful local morning show here in NC "Bob and the Showgram". The female DJ happens to be just shy of a month older than myself, 31, and this morning they were discussing how she feels that she "lost her mojo at the age of 31".

Now, the loose definition of "mojo" we are using here is that intangible thing that all women have at some point, that feeling of being attractive to the opposite sex. You know what I'm talking about: it's how a happily married woman gets flushed and giddy over the possible flirtatious banter of a male coworker, UPS guy, fast food employee taking your order, or in my case, the Hispanic landscaper that yells out "Si, Mami" as you are walking across the parking lot. (At my weight and breast-waist-booty ratio, the white boys barely look but I seem to be a total hottie to our more ethnic population.)

They were discussing how Kristen thought she was going to be hit on during a recent trip to New Orleans and the French Quarter, but came back feeling pretty unattractive despite the fact that she has a live-in boyfriend who adores her. They were asking callers to describe when we knew we lost our mojo.

I can actually pinpoint mine. I was 25 years old, on my way to work at 8AM, swinging by a coffee shop that I happen to love, that also happens to be adjacent to the very large University downtown. I was fixing my drink at the little counter with all the assorted spoons, napkins, straws, etc. when a fairly toned, tan, attractive male arm reached across my front side to grab a napkin. I glanced up and thought "hmmm, he's pretty good-looking" and then glanced down and realized he was wearing jeans, a tee, tennis shoes, a typical college sophomore outfit. Before my mind could even process the thought "you are way too old for him" he said, "excuse me, ma'am," and smiled. Not a sly, daring smile at all, or even a "you're hot for an older lady" smile, but the kind of smile that says, "oh, I really did just get in this old lady's space; that was rude," before carrying on with his day and forgetting that I existed.

Now, 6 years later, with a husband, a mortgage, a real job, and a beautiful child, the mojo is gone completely. As in, I don't even care anymore. I think I may have been hit on at work by a client today, but I barely noticed because all I could think was "geez, dude, hurry up so I can keep researching ride-behind bike trailers". And sitting here tonight, looking fairly bedraggled after coming home to find a sick dog (you know what that means I spent my first half hour doing, on my hands and knees with the Spot Shot), a clingy child, and getting stung by a hornet in the arch of my foot, mojo is a word that doesn't even exist in my lexicon.

I've got what I want. Right down to the toothpaste on my foot.*

*Google and the hubs both said this was the best home remedy for the sting, and they were right.

P.S. Don't walk around in your yard barefoot.

I Spent $18 Ruining a $30 Pedicure

2010-08-04T12:31:00.000-07:00

And it was worth every sweet penny!

I am back from my OBX vacation with lots to tell, most importantly extolling the benefits of taking a vacation with a child and assorted family members willing to fight over who gets to feed him, play in the sand with him, change poopy diapers, etc. This allows you and the hubby to choose how much time you want to spend with the dear child, but also escape for a late night walk on the pier, a date night, or even just escaping into books. (I almost finished 2! That's 2 more than I've finished since he was born.)

There were definitely some frustrations about beach vacationing with a wee babe. Mostly because the hubs and I are beach vacation people, but not necessarily beach people. The whole sand thing is a problem. Plus our little man's skin is fairly sensitive, so the daily sunscreen/sand/sun/shower routine was not kind to us last week. Luckily he only gets the baby excema, not the full-blown, painful kind, and most of it seems to be clear this week after reverting back to the unscented lotion and Aquaphor routine. The amount of STUFF required to stay away from home for a week, as well as what is required just to go down to the ocean for an afternoon, was astounding. Our poor sedan was packed to the gills, with our furry black baby resigned to make the trip with only about 2 square feet of backseat to herself.

Also, our little guy is a poor daycare napper, which means he spends his weekends catching up on sleep, with a two hour morning nap and a two hour afternoon nap. This was exacerbated (wink, Anne) even more by the activity level he put out during his waking hours on vacation, and the fact that he shared a room with us. A given schedule on vacation: up at 5:30, nurse, back down for an hour if I was lucky, then a 2 1/2 hour nap from 9-11:30, and an afternoon nap beginning around 2:30 that sometimes lasted so long we had to wake him just to ensure he didn't sleep through dinner. There was a lot of waiting involved in this vacation. I didn't mind: see, I read 2 books!

The highlight of the trip by far, though, was our jaunt to the same waterslide where I spent my own childhood summers building my love affair with any kind of water activity. I spent $12 so I could ride the big-kid slides, hubby spent $3 so he could hang in the kiddie pool, and our tiny tot was free. We spent nearly two hours hanging in the kiddie pool letting Jacob "swim" back and forth between us, walk through the water, and sit in our laps while we went down the easy slides. This excursion was such a delight, I could have cared less that my new perfect pedi got scraped to all hell in the pool. My mother exclaimed "I guess we're going to have to install a slide on the pool next summer" with excitement. I would have gladly done it over and over to watch his laughing face as we hit the water.

I think we're even considering going again later this summer! Lucky for us, we only live 3 hours away!

And in the End, I Have No Control.

2010-08-02T08:46:00.000-07:00

When we last "spoke", I was trying to make the decision as to whether to keep pumping or give up the fight. After pumping so much that last week and having a wonderful week breastfeeding my son (my walking, talking, almost no longer a baby, son), I lugged the monstrous Medela and associated accoutrements, ice packs, and cold bag back to work today.

After an extremely hectic morning that included a new hire that I had no idea was starting today at the door at 9AM, I finally sat down about an hour ago and prepared myself, only to find after sitting half exposed in my freezing office that my pump is broken. This moment could not be any more anticlimactic if I tried. I fumbled around for a few minutes, trying to figure out if the plug or something was just messed up. It may be the A/C adapter, and it may work in my car at lunch. But as of right now, the word is no more full time pumping.

I should be overjoyed. Lord knows I have done nothing but complain about it for the last 6 or so months. Here, in my online mom group, to my husband, family, co-workers. All they have heard is what a drag it is and how I can't wait to be done with it. But now that the choice has been taken away from me, I'm left only with the thought of the impending weekend and my probable inability to nurse my son more than twice a day.

I tried to cherish every moment of nursing over the last nine days, knowing that we would likely be cutting back. But I am a very sentimental, nostalgic person inside, and all I can focus on now is how my baby is not a baby any more. He is now walking 75% of the time, and the crawling is really only to find something to pull up on so that he can walk. No more watching a crawling, naked baby following me down the hall to fold laundry. No more soothing at the breast. No more naps with mommy...he has trained himself well to sleep in a crib in a room on his own. He is growing more independent by the day, and with the countdown to his 1 year birthday at 23 days now, Mama is growing weepier and weepier at the loss of her wee babe.

I thought I got it before, when everyone told me it flies by. But I am only now beginning to understand...

I Love Guest Bloggers!

2010-07-28T10:00:00.000-07:00

You guys know that I love, love, love Anne from AJD+three. She inspires me in so many ways. Possibly the biggest is when I get down about being a full-time working mama and feel stretched to my absolute limit, I can think about her being a full-time working single mama, putting herself through law school. It doesn't get tougher than that, ladies and gents, which is why I feel that this post of hers in particular should not only win some awards, but also be able to be entered as an essay on any job application she is filling out!

Without further ado, ENJOY!

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Why “Mom” Should be Considered a Job Asset

First, I want to start off my saying I am honored to guest post for Ali. She is a good friend and a great blogger. I racked my brain for something interesting, witty, funny, and captivating to share with you all today….well, you get this instead, as I have discovered I blog best when I am blogging about what strikes me.

Those of you familiar with my blog know that I am unemployed and I like to keep it real. Reality for me is, I have been job searching for over a year and the “gap” in my employment history has become quite an issue. I am volunteering to plug the hole a bit, but really, employers know that I just can’t find a job.

You know what I think though? I should be permitted to plug that hole with the job title “Stay at Home Mom.” I should be able to write down: “Completed work projects after traditional work hours.” Or maybe: “Mastered multi-tasking amongst multiple high priority tasks with a high rate of success.” How about: “Obtained good results working with high demand clients.” Those are all necessary, useful and impressive job skills, right?

Well, unfortunately, in my profession and in many others, being a stay at home mom not held in a positive light. In my field specifically, as an attorney, many firms consider having a family to be a negative attribute, as that family may take time away from working. Despite working a job that often is done thanklessly and without pay (aside from the unemployment, of course), I cannot say that I have worked during this past year. I simply must leave that year blank.

How screwed up is this? I know all moms, those who work from home, stay at home, work outside of the home, work very hard to maintain their homes, raise their children, be good wives or partners and still keep a part of themselves. I find it really difficult to fathom why work as important as child rearing is often not considered valuable work experience or history to hiring managers out there.

I am not naive enough to believe “you and I can change the world” or anything of that sort. I know that when I wake up tomorrow that my resume will still end in June 2009. But I also know that I appreciate my accomplishments. I have learned a great deal from staying at home. I have gained many hard to acquire skills.

So to me, those skills, my friends, are job assets.

This post was going to be titled "Say Goodbye to my Little Friend"

2010-07-23T09:08:00.000-07:00

Because when I made this decision on Monday, today was supposed to be my last day pumping. I was going to go home, throw out all my flanges, and put this monstrous leather bound box with a strap on a very, very high shelf and forget about it. We are 2 days away from the one-month-countdown to birthday, and for the next 9 days I will be by my little guy's side 24-7 (well, except maybe a date with hubby one night) so I decided that I would pump this week just to keep my supply regulated so I can feed him those 9 days.

My supply has steadily decreased over the last 7 months. Working full-time and nursing just don't mesh easily. Am I proud of myself for sticking this out so long? Of course! Am I hoping that my boobs and Jacob's wishes will allow us to still nurse twice a day for the next 6 months or so? Absolutely! But it's so disenheartening to pump only 4 oz a day, and earlier this week I reached the point where it was taking 20 minutes to let down. Not good for the nips in any way, shape, or form. It even hurt to nurse him because I was so sore from pumping.

This combined with the fact that he has taken straight formula bottles a couple of times recently and happily consumed them, when before he would reject a bottle if there were not at least 2 oz of breastmilk mixed in, made the decision a little easier. That and the fact that a guardian angel whose son turns one this weekend sent me two boxes of Similac and only asked me to pay shipping. I even knew it was the right decision at the right time, because instead of feeling guilty as I did a couple of months ago when I considered stopping, I felt nothing but sweet relief. Imagine not having to lug a pump, a cold bag full of ice packs and pump accessories and milk, and my purse to work every day. And home every night. And if we weren't going straight home, I had to carry that dumb bag around everywhere to keep my milk cold.

Well, as usual, my breasts have had a resurgence, causing me to reconsider my grand plans. Every day this week, I have taken home between 6-10 oz, an amount unheard of a month or even two months ago. I just pumped and got 7oz in one sitting. I swear I haven't done that in nearly 5 months. In fact, I only brought two storage containers, and this will fill both, so I have to scrounge around to figure out what to do for storage when I pump this afternoon. I mean, I guess this is great news, because now I should be able to ride out just 3 more weeks when I return to work.

And I can say that my son was primarily breastfed his first year. But you guys know I gave up labels long, long ago. So, I guess we shall see...