Yes, I Cut in Front of You...

I must be a really demented person to get some kind of sick joy out of cutting people (legitimately) in line.

Take today for lunch. I am trying to make a lifestyle change (we don't call it a diet in these parts...) but I am also sick for the umpteenth day in a row and had no interest in eating either a frozen lean cuisine or the barley and sausage gruel I brought from home for the 3rd day in a row. What I wanted was a yummy, tasty, hot Philly cheesteak and fresh cut fries fried in trans-fat free peanut oil.

And I know just the place to get it, 4 minutes away by car. Mmmmm......except...they don't publish their nutritional numbers online. My SparkPeople has a problem with this. Not to mention the fact that looking at the amount of sodium in fast food usually curbs the craving just enough for me to resign myself with settling down with the frozen dinner and a People mag.

However, I noticed a nice little kid's meal at the bottom of the menu: "mini" sandwich, smaller than a small fries. PERFECT! I called in my order for a mini grilled artichoke and provolone sandwich with no mayo, add mushrooms, tomatoes, banana peppers, and spicy mustard. I figure that cut about 627 calories by not getting a steak, right? My answer: 10 minutes.

Yum. I walk in 10 minutes later to a line out the door. All the soccer moms with their gaggle of kids out of school for some reason give me the mean eye as I waltz past them. I know they are whispering "is she really cutting us in line?" to each other, but none of them have the balls to say it to my face. Second step, bypassing the herd of healthcare workers with their "free sub" coupons that are just as obese as me and definitely NOT ordering kid size anything to park my behind under the "pick-up orders pay here" sign.

I can feel the healthcare ladies closing ranks behind me, trying to inch closer like they are definitely NOT letting me anywhere near that register before they get their sandwiches. Meanwhile I can see my tiny sub on the back counter, ready to go. So I kindly wait for a break, inform one of the only two people working this busy lunch rush that I'm there for my pick-up order, pay before ANY of those chicks, and walk out happy.

Sorry, ladies, you just got smoked. Next time, call ahead.

Am I Really the Example You Want to Follow?

Ahem. After the last post, I am sure that you are surprised to find me participating in Mom Friendly Meals Monday. I was not exagerrating when I called myself Obese. Really. My BMI is 35. I found that out today when I joined Spark People. See, Step 1: I CAN CHANGE!

I refuse to participate in anything called "McFatty" anything, but I do want to give a little update since it is, after all, my first day on the wagon. Here is how I'm trying to make this lifestyle change work: I am NOT going hog-wild-crazy on a diet, people. I can't. I've done it before with disatrous results, b/c I am a giant Yo-Yo. Lose 5, gain 6, eat really well for 3 days and then say SCREW YOU, FOOD! So, today I had 1 hot dog (not 2), a container of easy mac, and frozen veggies. 2 servings of frozen veggies (this is where you lavish praise). Sadly, this is an improvement.

But, here is what went RIGHT today:

*This morning, I really wanted a Salted Caramel thingy from the evil place. Instead, I went to Mickey D's and got the healthiest breakfast item they have: the egg mcmuffin. And plain old coffee. Which, once a little Splenda and flavored creamer was added, satisfied me a little bit.

*I have not had a soda yet today. I have had almost 6 servings of water. (I will drink a soda on the way home, but only after my 6 servings.)

*Went to Target on my lunch break and got yogurt, applesauce, and cookies. With chocolate on them. I told you, I ain't going cold turkey, but when a 3PM snack craving hits I will eat ONE serving size and faithfully put the rest back in the cabinet.

*Resisted the 3PM chocolate craving and had applesauce and yogurt instead.

*Joined Spark People and I am faithfully logging every single thing I put in my mouth. So far today I'm way high on the sodium (as expected) but hitting my targets for all the other categories. Yay me!

OKAY. So you came here for a recipe? This one is untested and on the menu this week, but SO easy, fairly healthy, and in Cooking Light's recent issue with the pantry staples article. I love Cooking Light. I am just giving you the link directly: Tex-Mex Confetti Pizza!

Enjoy...

What? She cooks, too?

Well, I guess this is going to be my first recipe post. Maybe the only one you ever get, because while I love to cook, I don't have much time for that, and I have even less time to tell you about it. But since I accomplished a long-term goal on my bucket list the other night (and because my husband, who pretends he is a food critic at every meal, actually said "this is fantastic! I wouldn't change a thing!" after this dinner) I am going to share.

This will not be your normal recipe post. A) Because I still like to keep it fun, and B) Because I don't measure. So you aren't going to find a list of 1cup of this and 1 tbsp of that. Instead, I will tell you what I had in my house and what I did with it.

First, some backstory as to how we came to arrive at this Tuesday night meal. I have always wanted to be the "throw a bunch of shit in a pan and it will taste wonderful" kind of cook, but it has taken me YEARS to get here. And after our recent trip to Philadelphia where we ate cheesesteak, some fruit, some more meat and bread, some butter and other meat and bread, and consumed 4 alcoholic beverages each night while sitting in the backyard after the baby went to bed, hubby and I were in need of some monetary and dietary detox.

We went to Trader Joe's Monday and bought some green beans (sad that they weren't local b/c we've got some good ones in market, but they are still delicious) and I had some two week old cherry tomatoes and mushrooms that had managed to survive in the fridge while we were gone (hippies be damned, these were from the Farmer's Market). I also had on hand a half box of linguine, four frozen chicken tenders, and we always have stuff like olive oil and garlic. I'm also a lucky enough gourmand to have white truffle oil in my pantry. Tuesday night we were tired*, baby took a late nap so we didn't have to rush a frozen bag dinner onto the table, and it was time to go for it.

So, I started by heating the white truffle oil while the chicken defrosted. I sliced two cloves of garlic and threw them in, on medium-high heat, until they kind of burned. (Don't worry, I removed them.) I diced the chicken up and cooked it next, removed it from the pan, added just enough olive oil to round it out, and added some diced onions and more diced garlic. When the onions got translucent, I added the green beans for about 5 minutes, and then the mushrooms. Meanwhile the pasta water boiled. Now, for technique: I do NOT stir my veggies often! Hands OFF! You actually want them to get a little bit of brown to them and let them caramelize...it brings a sweet roasty flavor to the party.

Normally here I would "deglaze" my pan with some wine, but we were out and this was also for the kiddo, so I just added some water, stirred the brown bits up from the bottom of the pan (we don't use non-stick for this reason) and then covered and let steam for a few minutes. The green beans need that. Then I took the lid off to let the water evaporate. When that was done, all I had to do was cut up some cherry tomatoes and let them cook just enough to soften, then add the chicken and pasta back in and grate some delicious pecorino romano over it. Here we would typically add salt and pepper, but again, with kiddo eating full table food now we do that to our own food at the table.

If I had nothing else to do, I could have this dinner on the table in 35 minutes. With a dog who is food protective and in need of retraining, a kid who wants Mommy, and a hubby asking questions, it took me closer to an hour Tuesday. I would post a picture, but I'm scarfing down the last of it as leftover lunch. In fact, it's even good cold.

But I hope to get better! If you decide to try it, let me know how it goes. Of course you can omit and/or add whatever! I would try spinach or asparagus instead of green beans, some shallots instead of onions, whatever is around.

Bon appetit!

*I realize this statement sounds like an oxymoron, but I actually destress by cooking. It's why I'm so freaking fat.

A Tradition even I can Stand Behind!

For the most part, I am proud to be from the South, and specifically from North Carolina. Don't get me wrong, I am well spoken and fairly intelligent, and I am slightly proud of myself when I have to correct someone who thinks I'm "not from around here". But the older I get, the more I think that North Carolinians are a misunderstood breed, because most of the ones I know are good, solid people.

However, I do not follow those customary "rules" of the South. Or specifically, the Southern Baptists. I lived with my husband for years before we got married, a fact that is still secret to his very internet-unsavvy grandparents and certain other family. I wear white whenever I want (which really is never because, honestly, it's not the most flattering color I can imagine anywhere near my bottom half). I breastfeed IN PUBLIC and make my own baby food. I shop at the Farmer's Market and use reusable grocery bags. OK. In our defense, there is a misconception among the Yankee hippie population that think they started all this "local, slow food" stuff. My roots are deeply planted in the South, and I know that there are a lot more farmers in the South and Midwest than the big cities out there, and we've always gotten our food as fresh as we could. I spent lots of time as a kid at pick-your-own farms with my grandmother. We just also like a Big Mac now and then. (Also, how many southern grandmas do you know that don't recycle their grocery bags? Haven't you ever seen one of them wind-sock looking things homemade out of some leftover quilt material and drawstring that Mema always shoved all her plastic Wal-Mart bags into so that whenever she gave you leftovers, she could pull one out to tie them all up in?)

I digress...my point is, there are two traditions I do follow. I visit family on Sundays, and every year, I buy a new Easter dress. Even years like this one, when we're trying hard to scrimp and save, my husband, son, and I went shopping a few weeks ago and I spent way more than I had planned on a cute new dress for Easter. It's silk and brightly colored and has a little yellow bolero jacket to wear with it. And when I tried it on and looked in the mirror, I felt good! I did not feel like I looked like the size it said in the tag. For the first time in a long time, I felt like I could tell I weigh almost ten pounds less than I did when I got pregnant almost 17 months ago. I believed my husband's grin as I left the dressing room and walked towards him.

It's been hanging in my closet ever since. Taunting me. Wanting me to wear it to work. But I won't. Because the other tradition I follow is that when you buy a new Easter dress, it must make it's debut on Easter!

When is it OK to Stop Wearing Maternity Clothes?

As I type this (with both hands), my child is sitting in my lap, facing me, supporting himself on his own and trying to rip my necklace off. This is pretty normal, in my opinion, for a six month old. Now he's trying to turn around and type with me.

My point is this: I no longer have the "new mom" excuse in my back pocket. In the beginning, it didn't bother me to wear the maternity stuff. The weight was coming off quickly, and I pretty much spent 90% of the first six weeks at home alone with my little guy, so I really didn't care to wear anything other than yoga pants and comfy tees. I knew I'd be back in my old clothes quickly.

Flash forward a bit: I've lost all of my pregnancy weight plus a few pounds, and somehow only a select few of my clothes fit. I still have a least three maternity tops in my regular rotation of working-girl outfits, and I still change into the yoga pants every night by 6PM. (I do not know what I will do when these pants finally wear out. I've had them for at least 5 years, and I cannot imagine the life adjustment it will take when I have to buy new ones, because they will never be as comfortable as this pair. I just know it.)

Everyone likes to tell you the tired old cliche that your weight shifts after baby, but no one tells you how, exactly. I am having so much trouble figuring out where this seven pounds that I've lost since a year ago is hiding! My boobs are bigger due to breastfeeding, my hips are just as wide as they always were. My ass is humongous and I have a joey pouch on my frontside, and I have been growing my hair out rather than get the ever-so-popular "mom haircut". Where is this weight disappearing from, exactly?!

So, to summarize, I now weigh 7 pounds less that I did before I got pregnant, yet all of my clothes are too tight. So I wear maternity clothes. Sad.

Does it count if I'm only doing it for the pie?

My weight loss has hit a snag. I'm happy that I am now 5 lbs under my pre-pregnancy weight, but at 225lbs I still have 50lbs to go, and I've been stuck here for over three weeks.

I'm pretty certain that I could actually drop 5 pounds in just a short week or two. I have granola bars and yogurt that I could do for breakfast every morening instead of 3 out of the 5 (what can I say, in the South we have a biscuit obsession). I also have salad dressing in the fridge that will expire if I don't put it to good use. It is blue cheese, but I'm certain that 'good use' would not constitute an order of extra hot buffalo wings. What I should be doing is walking to the Lowe's Foods a quarter of a mile across the parking lot and hitting up their salad bar every day for a month.

I should also stick to all of the "rules" I've set for myself regarding my beverage intake: plain coffee in the morning with a little cream and Splenda instead of Starbucks, McCafe, or the local coffee shop downtown. I've been good about my water intake lately...hitting my 1 1/2 liters before I can have that afternoon soda, and I usually continue that good practice at home. But who am I kidding...the snack size Heath and Twix calling out to me from the drawer directly behind my back right now are more than making up for any extra soda I use to have.

All of these sound like good ideas, I'm sure we all agree. What you don't know, however, is that my motivation is really not what it should be. What I should be working towards is improved health, self-esteem, and well-being. I should have the big moments of my son's life pictured along with the drive to want to be there for them. Or at the very least, I should be picturing a swimsuit that is NOT last summer's maternity suit to wear on vacation this year.

What I am working towards, however, is called the Chocolate Mousse Cake, and it is available at the greek boys' deli down the road. Three beautiful layers of decadence...white chocolate ganache on top of milk chocolate mousse on top of the richest dark chocolate torte you could sink your teeth into. It was my weekly splurge during pregnancy (don't judge...I probably gained 10 extra pounds but stayed reasonably sane, and I contribute both of those to the cake). I got one so often in the third trimester that when I visited the deli for the first time three months after giving birth, as soon as I walked in the door, Greek Boy number one smiled and said "chocolate mousse cake?"

Post pregnancy, I've been fairly good. Since returning to work (I was down about 25 lbs of the 35 I've lost totally) I promised myself I could have one every time I hit a 5lb mark. So, I've only had 3 in three months. Not bad. But now it's been a month since my last one, and I am craving it like a junkie craving crack. And I know crash dieting is bad, especially when my goal is probably about 600 calories of indulgence. But I WANT THAT CAKE.

And I think I'm willing to do whatever it takes to get it.

(Even if that means letting the rest of those cookies that are leftover from our work event last week go to waste.)