You Can Only Please Yourself

I think I finally feel like I'm not a "new mom" anymore, like I've got this thing called parenthood mastered and I'm in the advanced level instead of the beginner one. Of course, I am well aware that whenever that happens, God or Jacob or fate or whoever is in charge of this cruise ship will roll a stumbling block my way, put me in check, and say "not so fast there girlie". Like, this morning (and the last few weeks if I'm being honest) I can tell that the breastfeeding is an instant soother. It is such a big part of our wake-up and bedtime routines that I am really unprepared for the moment in the next 6 or so months when we all realize that is no longer an option and I have to figure out a different plan for those occasional 2AM nightmares. But we're not there yet, so...

Here is some advice for my new mom friends, or those trying to start down that journey.

Basically, it boils down to: people suck, and YOU are the mommy.

That's right, no matter how you look at it, and how hard other people try to stay out yo biz-nass, there will always be SOMEONE telling you what you should or shouldn't be doing, or at the very least giving you the side-eye when you give your 10 month old a breadstick at Pizza Hut. The most important thing to remember is this: people have advice, opinions, and experience, and it's ok to lean on that sometimes when you feel lost and overwhelmed. But when you got it, you got it. Mama instinct is a pretty powerful thing, and sometimes I just KNOW that what I'm doing is what works for me and my baby at that time, and I'm doing more good than harm.

Every now and then when I'm out in public, I think people are looking at us strangely because we're the parents who forget to bring bibs, baby spoons, and sippy cups all the time. We are the parents who are feeding our child from our own forks, giving him a piece of bread from the breadbasket or some crackers to keep him occupied while we eat, and letting him drink his water from a regular cup and straw (okay, we do hold it for him, the other would be disastrous). I personally think it's easier this way, and sometimes realize I'm just as bad for rolling my eyes at the two year old whose parents come packed with an army of his own special food from home, a special sippy cup full of chocolate milk b/c he doesn't drink water, and plenty of activities to keep him from getting unhappy at dinner. Then I realize I'm being just as judgy as they may or may not be towards me, and I stop. Because if that's what works for their outing, so be it.

Family is the same way. I am lucky to be blessed with a wonderful family relatively free of Judgy McJudgersons, but now and then there still moments where I can tell someone thinks I'm coddling my son too much. For every one of those instances, there's probably someone else at the family gathering who thinks I'm a cold, cruel mama for ignoring Jacob when he crawls over and whines for me to pick him up for no other reason than he just wants to throw a fit. I do it, too, though...the way I shoot my husband a look when I overhear another mama being overprotective. This has got to stop, but it's just human nature. We all feel that our way is the right way, and forget sometimes that it's just the right way for us, but maybe not for everyone.

Breastfeeding is a big one where women do this. I'll admit it: I have judged formula feeders in the past. I have a hard time understanding why a woman wouldn't even try to breastfeed her baby given all of the info out there that says it's obviously better for the child. But then again, I also understand that if a woman tries and hates it, then obviously that's not going to create a rewarding bond anymore than holding a bottle will. And I've had both sides of judging for my breastfeeding decisions as well: my sister practically sneered at me when I told her my first goal was to breastfeed while home with the baby on maternity leave, but I really hoped to make it to six months. "Why would you only go six months when you know a year is better?" ("well, I don't know, maybe because neither of us has a kid yet and we don't really KNOW what's better") And now at 10 1/2 months I get strange looks and comments for still pumping at work and still breastfeeding in public.

So, my point is, new moms and moms to be, trust your instincts. When the time comes, you will know what feels right. And everyone else can shove it. There will always be detracters, but if you stay strong, do your research, rely on your "experienced" friends, and when in doubt use your gut, it will be much easier to smile and say, "thank you for the suggestion. If this stops working for me, I just may try that," then you will have this motherhood thing in the bag.

Like I do. Wink, wink...

What? She cooks, too?

Well, I guess this is going to be my first recipe post. Maybe the only one you ever get, because while I love to cook, I don't have much time for that, and I have even less time to tell you about it. But since I accomplished a long-term goal on my bucket list the other night (and because my husband, who pretends he is a food critic at every meal, actually said "this is fantastic! I wouldn't change a thing!" after this dinner) I am going to share.

This will not be your normal recipe post. A) Because I still like to keep it fun, and B) Because I don't measure. So you aren't going to find a list of 1cup of this and 1 tbsp of that. Instead, I will tell you what I had in my house and what I did with it.

First, some backstory as to how we came to arrive at this Tuesday night meal. I have always wanted to be the "throw a bunch of shit in a pan and it will taste wonderful" kind of cook, but it has taken me YEARS to get here. And after our recent trip to Philadelphia where we ate cheesesteak, some fruit, some more meat and bread, some butter and other meat and bread, and consumed 4 alcoholic beverages each night while sitting in the backyard after the baby went to bed, hubby and I were in need of some monetary and dietary detox.

We went to Trader Joe's Monday and bought some green beans (sad that they weren't local b/c we've got some good ones in market, but they are still delicious) and I had some two week old cherry tomatoes and mushrooms that had managed to survive in the fridge while we were gone (hippies be damned, these were from the Farmer's Market). I also had on hand a half box of linguine, four frozen chicken tenders, and we always have stuff like olive oil and garlic. I'm also a lucky enough gourmand to have white truffle oil in my pantry. Tuesday night we were tired*, baby took a late nap so we didn't have to rush a frozen bag dinner onto the table, and it was time to go for it.

So, I started by heating the white truffle oil while the chicken defrosted. I sliced two cloves of garlic and threw them in, on medium-high heat, until they kind of burned. (Don't worry, I removed them.) I diced the chicken up and cooked it next, removed it from the pan, added just enough olive oil to round it out, and added some diced onions and more diced garlic. When the onions got translucent, I added the green beans for about 5 minutes, and then the mushrooms. Meanwhile the pasta water boiled. Now, for technique: I do NOT stir my veggies often! Hands OFF! You actually want them to get a little bit of brown to them and let them caramelize...it brings a sweet roasty flavor to the party.

Normally here I would "deglaze" my pan with some wine, but we were out and this was also for the kiddo, so I just added some water, stirred the brown bits up from the bottom of the pan (we don't use non-stick for this reason) and then covered and let steam for a few minutes. The green beans need that. Then I took the lid off to let the water evaporate. When that was done, all I had to do was cut up some cherry tomatoes and let them cook just enough to soften, then add the chicken and pasta back in and grate some delicious pecorino romano over it. Here we would typically add salt and pepper, but again, with kiddo eating full table food now we do that to our own food at the table.

If I had nothing else to do, I could have this dinner on the table in 35 minutes. With a dog who is food protective and in need of retraining, a kid who wants Mommy, and a hubby asking questions, it took me closer to an hour Tuesday. I would post a picture, but I'm scarfing down the last of it as leftover lunch. In fact, it's even good cold.

But I hope to get better! If you decide to try it, let me know how it goes. Of course you can omit and/or add whatever! I would try spinach or asparagus instead of green beans, some shallots instead of onions, whatever is around.

Bon appetit!

*I realize this statement sounds like an oxymoron, but I actually destress by cooking. It's why I'm so freaking fat.

I Had a 4 1/3 Day Weekend!

And I have to say, despite an occurrence that could have sucked big-time, I made the most of it.

So let's get the assorted happenings of my trip to see my sister and the site of our country's first Independence Day going.

First of all, the plane flight was fantastic. My baby was an absolute doll, charmed everyone on the plane around us, and settled in for a snack as the plane was being secured. He recognizes the nursing cover now, so my plan to "get ready" early was thwarted when he just couldn't wait five more minutes to begin his meal. So of course, who popped up from under the cover about 15 seconds before takeoff? That's ok, because daddy had the paci handy and my little guy drifted off to sleep instantly. It used to be that I looked forward to the 51-minutes of peace and quiet and my gossip magazine on this flight to Philly, but I have to tell you, the 51 minutes I spent with Jacob asleep on my shoulder, nuzzled into my neck with his arms tucked in between us, was 167 times better than if Jake and Vienna were standing in front of me arguing themselves. It reminded me that things we are scared of before we become parents maybe aren't as bad as we think. I used to nervously eyeball frantic moms with babies on the plane thinking, "yikes! That must suck for her." But no more...now, I get it.

I also learned just how proud my hubby is of the fact that I made a commitment to breastfeed our son as long as possible and stuck to it. When the security person checking the diaper bag pulled out the bottle and said, "um, this is empty?" My husband looked at her and said proudly (and really, almost bordering on snobbishly) "my wife breastfeeds our son". I might have been more in love with him at that moment than ever before!
I'm going to enliven you with a few pics from our trip. First up, we visited a city park. Now, us being Southern suburbian-country folk, a city park is a new experience. I like how this pic says, "We bad...don't mess with us, son, or we'll jack you up."
Of course, there was also a parade. A parade that was interrupted when I foolishly tried to support more weight than I should have at an awkward angle as I was hoisting my fat ass up onto a ledge. That ended with my knee buckling (I actually felt my kneecap slip out of place and back in) and me bruising my tailbone, crying on the sidewalk for nearly a half hour. Luckily I wasn't holding Jacob when it happened. The pain was literally as bad as labor...I had to breathe through it to keep from passing out. I can't believe that
1) I am able to walk, and
2) I was able to walk an hour later
I thought for sure we were going to be wheelchair/emergency room bound. But, while sitting on the sidewalk I happened to snag my new favorite pic of my little guy. Tell me what pain this face couldn't erase:
We tried really hard to watch fireworks. They were supposed to start sometime between 9:30-10:30 and I was really excited because with a birthday of July 7th, you kind of grow up obligated to assume that the fireworks are for your birthday. And I knew Philly would have big ones. Unfortunately, we spent over an hour camped out in a field waiting before finally packing it in at 10:45. Jacob had fallen asleep after being cranky for a half hour. I knew as much as I wanted to see fireworks, it wasn't fair to him. We had to get up early for our flight the next morning, and he hasn't gone to bed past 10 since infancy. There were definitely good times in the field, though! And he loves his aunt and uncle. Until we see them at the beach in three weeks, they will just have to remember this:

Day 312: A Guest Blogger!

I am visiting my little sis in Philadelphia this weekend, so my favorite blogger over at Momma Makeover returned the favor...without further ado, here is her Scarlett O'Hara Moment!




"As God is my witness, as God is my witness they're not going to lick me. I'm going to live through this and when it's all over, I'll never be hungry again. No, nor any of my folk. If I have to lie, steal, cheat or kill. As God is my witness, I'll never be hungry again." -- Scarlett O' Hara, Gone With the Wind

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ixx66T-FPYM

I had a Scarlett O'Hara moment a few months ago. I was at the very lowest point of my PPD, ready to stand in front of a bus, and crying incessantly out of loneliness and desperation. I did not want to live - and that translated into every nuance of my existence. I saw my child as just a mouth to feed, my husband as just another person who "had to put up with me." I saw the world through shit-colored glasses.

And then I had enough.

Enough of the sadness, the stasis, the loneliness.

Enough of hating the view from the mirror.

I went out, raised that proverbial fist to the heavens, and got angry. Good and powerful angry. I WANT MORE, my soul cried, starved for so long. My life wasn't meant to be lived in a self-pitying puddle of tears.

I had my Scarlett O'Hara moment that morning. (Sans the lying and cheatin' and stealing part, of course.) From then on, we've been rolling forward.

It's not been easy.

No, there are no quick fixes.

I still look the same, with a little more upkeep and a lot less crying. No Extreme Makeover reveals here. My muffin top still exists - though it sags less due to daily exercise and less snacking. My hair got a cut, but it isn't suddenly a ripple of rich brown lovely. My eye bags could still be packed for a month long trip into the Serengeti.

But what is different is that my spirit, my soul, my Ka, my inner self, my life force - IT MOVES.

It is water flowing out, in action. It is Scarlett O'Hara cutting the drapes to make a dress to find a way to save Tara.

"I'll never be hungry again. No, nor any of my folk."

My spirit will never starve again. My child isn't just a mouth to feed. He is a life force wanting love and play and laughter. My husband isn't just "another person" - he is another soul needing encouragement and joy.

My tears were a stagnant pool that fed no one.

My joy is an ocean that takes us to new destinations.

So my Scarlett O' Hara moment's fruit is this: I live for joy. I and my own deserve joy. And life has infinite sources of it. Sitting down, crying in a room, I am locking out that joy. Walking out, into the sun, speaking to others, LEARNING - that is finding joy, each moment.

PPD is not an excuse to be in stasis. Get the counseling, find support, find...yourself. Struggle always exists. Life is full of problems. There be dragons beyond, and they are a bitch to slay.
But you can do it. You can do all of it, because your spirit is full.

Fist to sky, promise to live in joy.

And you'll never be hungry again.

How Should I Spend My Lunch Break?

Because my second guest blog post is up! YAY!

I was really excited to guest blog for Anne at AJD+3! Her blog is great...if you need motivation, see her! She put herself through undergrad and law school as a single parent, found a wonderful, wonderful husband who brings her treats "just because he thought she would want some chocolate today", and she recently completed a 5K!

So, here it is, my guest blog while she's busy settling in to a new place:

http://www.ajdplusthree.com/2010/06/we-have-guest-its-last-splash-time.html

Since I wrote this last week for her to use when the unpacking became a little too time-consuming, instead of blogging, I have my choice of what to do on my lunch hour: take my car over to the auto shop half a mile away and have an inspection and oil change, or go get a pedicure?

Hmm....the tough choices we have to make in life!

Damn you, Kelley!

So, ladies...

Kelley from Kelley's Break Room has nominated me for an award, the Sunshine Award. Here it is:

This has thrown a kink in my hyper-scheduled week. Since I'm going out of town later this week and probably will take a blog-hiatus unless anyone I know wants to shoot me a quick guest-blog, and today I'm having lunch with a friend (I seriously just almost wrote friend with a lunch...that would be a little yikes) I am now forced not only to try to bang this acceptance speech/nomination post in the next 10 minutes one-handed while trying to lean against my desk with one pump-receptable squishing my boob, but I also realized that I have never read Kelley's blog.


Big mistake: or maybe not. See, I'm kind of at the limit of how much of my free time can really be spent reading blogs, but hers is a crack up. Seriously, I was sitting in my office literally LOLing (I type it all the time, but rarely am I actually laughing aloud, sitting alone in front of a computer screen). For proof, check out this post about everyone's favorite topic, public restrooms: http://http://kelleysbreakroom.blogspot.com/2010/06/top-5-things-i-need-from-my-public.html .


And now you know. So what's this award about? Apparently, I keep it light and loose around here, with only the occasional Libertarian rant popping in. That's my goal, is to make people LOL (like, for realz) so I'm glad that it's working! I don't know if I have time to pick 12 because the one-handed linking process is not going to smoothly for me, but here are people whose blogs make me laugh. Sometimes only on the inside, sometimes out loud, and sometimes I just smile and nod because what they say is SO TRUE. Hope you enjoy!


http://http://helmstheblog.blogspot.com/ If any of you "know" Helms on the Bump, then you know she's hilarious, polarizing, controversial fun. Love her or hate her, she doesn't care, so you might as well laugh along with her.


http://http://imo-fwiw.blogspot.com/ This girl is like my blogging sister. We don't know each other in real life, but I'd say her online thoughts are the most like mine. She's funny, she likes to talk about boobs, and she nails sarcasm to the wall like it's her bitch.


http://blessedmommaandwife.blogspot.com/ Elizabeth is a different kind of blogging sunshine. She is strong in her walk with the Lord, and I appreciate reading her poignant, very well-written and thought out posts. Plus her son is just adorable to look at, especially when he's wearing his "lock up your daughters" onesie.


http://mom-nom.com/ Tiffany has the most popular, well-known blog on my list. If you like your giveaways with a dash of saltiness, she's your girl. An experienced mom who can give experienced mom advice yet also has a Post Label for "Shit my kid says". Priceless.


http://mandaphilly.blogspot.com/ And finally, the best for last, my dear friend Amanda. Reading her blog will change your mind about what it means to be a single, teenage mom. Now, as an old almost 31-year old geezer myself, sometimes I have to sift through the Text-speak... (Um, I don't Twitter and my phone is a simple pay as you go plan *gasp*.) but it is well worth it to see into this strong woman's soul and see that just like the rest of us, she is simply trying to do the best thing for her family.


So, I hope you enjoy those ladies, and I hope they find this award, because I do not have time this week to let them know about the nomination. Oopppssss.....

Guest Blog! Woohoo!

As promised earlier this week, my very first guest blog is up. I consider it part of this Blogger coming out party.

When I first approached a couple of my friends about guest blogging for them, it was with totally selfish reasons: I'll admit, I am a bit of an Attention Whore and was hoping to boost my own blog following.

However, for my first ever guest blog spot, I truly hope to do the opposite: to boost Momma Makeover's numbers. Her blog is truly one of my favorites! And she deserves hundreds and hundreds of followers instead of her measly 17! You guys will love her: and the best part is that my guest post is the longest post to ever appear on her blog. They are usually 2 minute reads, and then you smile and laugh and think about how her post applies to your own life.

So without further adieu, here it is http://mommamakeover.blogspot.com/2010/06/day-114-is-brought-to-you-bylast-splash.html