I am visiting my little sis in Philadelphia this weekend, so my favorite blogger over at Momma Makeover returned the favor...without further ado, here is her Scarlett O'Hara Moment!
"As God is my witness, as God is my witness they're not going to lick me. I'm going to live through this and when it's all over, I'll never be hungry again. No, nor any of my folk. If I have to lie, steal, cheat or kill. As God is my witness, I'll never be hungry again." -- Scarlett O' Hara, Gone With the Wind
I had a Scarlett O'Hara moment a few months ago. I was at the very lowest point of my PPD, ready to stand in front of a bus, and crying incessantly out of loneliness and desperation. I did not want to live - and that translated into every nuance of my existence. I saw my child as just a mouth to feed, my husband as just another person who "had to put up with me." I saw the world through shit-colored glasses.
And then I had enough.
Enough of the sadness, the stasis, the loneliness.
Enough of hating the view from the mirror.
I went out, raised that proverbial fist to the heavens, and got angry. Good and powerful angry. I WANT MORE, my soul cried, starved for so long. My life wasn't meant to be lived in a self-pitying puddle of tears.
I had my Scarlett O'Hara moment that morning. (Sans the lying and cheatin' and stealing part, of course.) From then on, we've been rolling forward.
It's not been easy.
No, there are no quick fixes.
I still look the same, with a little more upkeep and a lot less crying. No Extreme Makeover reveals here. My muffin top still exists - though it sags less due to daily exercise and less snacking. My hair got a cut, but it isn't suddenly a ripple of rich brown lovely. My eye bags could still be packed for a month long trip into the Serengeti.
But what is different is that my spirit, my soul, my Ka, my inner self, my life force - IT MOVES.
It is water flowing out, in action. It is Scarlett O'Hara cutting the drapes to make a dress to find a way to save Tara.
"I'll never be hungry again. No, nor any of my folk."
My spirit will never starve again. My child isn't just a mouth to feed. He is a life force wanting love and play and laughter. My husband isn't just "another person" - he is another soul needing encouragement and joy.
My tears were a stagnant pool that fed no one.
My joy is an ocean that takes us to new destinations.
So my Scarlett O' Hara moment's fruit is this: I live for joy. I and my own deserve joy. And life has infinite sources of it. Sitting down, crying in a room, I am locking out that joy. Walking out, into the sun, speaking to others, LEARNING - that is finding joy, each moment.
PPD is not an excuse to be in stasis. Get the counseling, find support, find...yourself. Struggle always exists. Life is full of problems. There be dragons beyond, and they are a bitch to slay.
But you can do it. You can do all of it, because your spirit is full.
Fist to sky, promise to live in joy.
And you'll never be hungry again.
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