Revelations

As I look ahead to what life will bring me in 2010, I am choosing to not participate in "Resolutions". However, the last year has definitely brought me some revelations about changes that I need to make to my life, and I will share those here.

I should be keeping a cleaner house. This should not be too difficult in the next year, even given the fact that I now have a child to care for, because the standards are not set very high. If I vacuum more than once a month, clean the bathroom more than once every other month, dust once every six months, and make sure there are no dirty dishes before I go to bed, I will pretty much be making a huge leap from the past 30 and one-half years.

I must continue to eat at home more. I am very excited about the prospect of making baby food for my little guy, and after two weeks of shop and prep on Sunday for the week ahead, I can make this achievable. My husband and I like to cook, and little man is becoming more content to play alone in the exersaucer or playmat (although this morning while we were eating oatmeal and watching the VH1 countdown, he kept rolling onto his tummy, pushing up, and looking at us sideways grinning, which is absolutely the most adorable thing I've ever seen)! I actually watched a Taco Bell commercial last night and went "ugh...that no longer looks appetizing in any way". Not to say that I don't like a good Big Mac now and then, just that maybe I can really stick to the rule we're trying to set of only eating lunch out once a week at work. Also, we're trying to get into breakfast casseroles to cook on Sunday so that neither of us will be tempted by Bacon biscuits and Bo'Rounds before work. I'm a Southern girl...bagels don't cut it...I need something with egg, meat, and cheese to really feel satisfied for breakfast. If I bring yogurt to work I will do anything possible (including arriving 5 minutes late) to get that salty fix.

Which brings me to a not-so-subtle revelation that I've kept on a corner in the back of my mind for some time now: at 5'9" and 235 pounds, I am obese. I am no longer in the "barely obese" category, but in the full-on, at risk for every disease imaginable level of obesity. My husband, god bless him, still calls me sexy and makes me feel pretty, but I know I haven't felt that way for a very, very long time. And I really can't chance the fact that my little boy's mom could die of heart disease when he's only twelve years old. Now, I know myself and there's no way I could do this quickly with some drastic diet or lifestyle change. I can't even commit to Weight Watchers. But I can make little changes here and there that will add up: I can't wait until it's not dark when I get home from work so that I can start taking walks again. Until then, I may try out the new indoor track at the community center near work. I can bring Jacob with me and wear the Bjorn or push his stroller, serious runners be damned. I need to eat a serving of fruit with breakfast and make sure I have a serving (or more) of veggies with each meal. I can start replacing my 3PM chocolate snack with a yogurt or applesauce most days. I say most because what I cannot commit to is never having another slice of that 3-level Chocolate Mousse Cake from the Greek boys' deli. But maybe I can save it for a reward every time I lose 5lbs. And I can remind myself that until I hit my goal of 175, I cannot start trying to conceive a second child.

So, with that, I will sign off so that I can add some tickers to this blog!