As I've mentioned before, I participate in an online message board forum with other women that are new moms. Most of the time, it is for entertainment and to pass the rare down time at work, but sometimes we actually discuss meaningful topics about child-rearing and life as a mother. This week, the main topic of conversation has been the controversial debate about whether it is harder to be a Stay at Home Mommy or a Working Mommy. Obviously, having been a working mama for the last two and a half months, I have my place in that discussion.
But as I sit here this morning with my sweetheart in my lap, nursing and watching me type, all of that conversation pales in meaningless comparison to the struggle that my fellow blogger is going through. Laura over at Embracing Elijah, if you are not already following, is doing the hardest thing I can imagine after the meager loss I suffered before conceiving Jacob. She is 24 weeks pregnant with her second child, her first son, who has been diagnosed with Trisomy 13. (For those that aren't familiar, a fatal congenital defect that usually causes a miscarriage somewhere in the first two trimesters.) I encourage you to read her blog because it will stir the kind of emotions that can only be felt when you are so, so very thankful to be holding your own child.
This morning, I woke up feeling immense pressure to "get things done". I still have a Christmas tree (barely live and a total fire hazard) fully decorated and sitting in my dining room. I need to bake a cake for my dad's birthday. My house has not been vacuumed or mopped in over two weeks. There is so much on my to-do list that I was hoping Jacob would take a very long nap this morning.
Instead he napped for 30 minutes while I cleaned up breakfast, and then I brought him upstairs to get my blog on. I read Laura's recent post just as Jacob got full, and as I read about her struggle, I looked down at my son and noticed how very alive he is. How his cheeks are perfect and rosy, his eyes are so wide open, how he is now totally enamoured with his very own tongue, and I cried. These things that make my life more difficult are also the things that make it so worth living, the things that so many women will not have with their children.
So today, I will get done what I can get done, and I will hug and play and kiss Jacob as often as humanly possible, because I have a sweet baby that can do those things, and her blog reminds me that I never know just how long I have with him.