Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Honest Confessions of Motherhood

After my "time off" from my blog, I am so excited to rejoin my friend Julia at Work Wife Mom Life. (I can call her my friend now because we email and she knows where I work, isn't that enough?) Her Working Mommy Wednesday blog hop provides the exact kind of support and camraderie that I strive for in this blog. Before I continue with my post, I would humbly like to request that if you enjoy my blog, please click that little pretty Picket Fence button on the right and vote for me today. The moderators just did a reset and this is my chance to move up in the world and achieve Picket Fence Mom-Blog Domination!

As for my confessions about Motherhood, I only have one today, but it's a doozy. I get really stressed out by being the parent of a toddler. I snap at my husband, get frustrated at my son for, well, acting like a typical 14-month old who likes to bring me a new diaper when he knows he has pooped but then squirms away when I actually lie him down to change him. Dinnertime is never easy, and while some days, like Monday evening, I can remind myself to just take life as it is and enjoy every moment (instead of trying to rush into dinner when we got home, I spent a good 10 minutes on the kitchen floor with a nearly naked child who was laughing with nothing other than glee because he was putting a bowl on my head), most of the time I spend my whole weekday evening just tapping my foot impatiently at my husband while thinking of the next ten things I must do in an hour.

Halloween night was a fine example of how I get: dinner took longer than expected to cook, even though I was lucky enough to have my mom over to occupy Jacob while we got everything ready. The baby didn't eat well, I couldn't get everyone to sit down and start eating so we could get going, I barely ate my own food because I was anxious that there were already Trick or Treaters coming to our door and for some reason I had it in my head that we would be one of the first, I kept thinking about how we needed to hurry up and get Jacob re-dressed so we could go. The whole time, I swear my husband moved as swiftly as a moped on a superhighway, and before we even got out of the driveway I was yelling at him and rolling my eyes at my mom and saying ridiculous things like "How many times can I give him the same instructions?" or "How slow can HE MOVE?" I eventually calmed down, held my husband's hand, apologized for my frantic behavior, and enjoyed the event the way a family should.

I think the most pathetic part of this mom-freak-out mode is knowing that my grandmothers, mother-in-law, and mom had many, many more responsibilities and shouldered even more of the child-care burden than I ever will because the times have changed and my husband is expected to step in and parent right along with me. The guilt that hits me after one of my anxiety "episodes" is almost worse than the stress itself. I know this is a recurring theme in my blog, but I keep coming back to "how can I think this is so hard and let it get to me when I have it ten times easier than any of them did?"

That is my confession. I need a reminder that this is normal, that this phase passes just like clusterfeeding passed and just like 2AM wakings passed (well, for now, I know the molars are coming eventually), and that something that seems so stressful right now will seem small and insignificant in a few months. And I need a swift kick in the behind and someone telling me now and then "get it together girlfriend".

My mom did that last week. We were cleaning up after dinner at their house and I yelled at my dog to get out of the kitchen for the 14th time and muttered "I'm gonna blow a gasket."

Mom's reply? "I think you already did." Moms know just what to say at the right time, don't they?


  1. I've been catching myself getting impatient with Hubs, when I should just take a deep breath and remember to enjoy these days. I hear ya and I understand!

  2. I've always been impatient but it has gotten worse since becoming a mom. I am constantly rolling my eyes at Danny because he's doing something "wrong" and obsessing about schedules. And then I fell like crap afterward. We need to slow down but easier said than done.

  3. I think we've all had these moments! And we all needs to remember to BREATHE! Thanks for the honest confession. You make us all feel more like normal moms. :)

  4. First time reader of your blog, I enjoy your humor about motherhood and your honesty about politics. Keep sharing.

  5. I thought with kid no. 2 that I would magically turn into this wonderfully patient person who knows just how to handle it all. Nope, no luck.

    I have decided to cope with 2 cups of coffee per day.

    I will let you know how that goes.

  6. Ali, you ARE my friend!!!!! ;)

    i get impatient at my kids sometimes... that's the worst. they are whining about food or something and I'm just like, "HOLD ON... I"M BUSY!!" uh, yeah, they don't get it. it does take practice to stay calm.

    keep prayin' about it.

  7. Every day I come and see that my husband didn't take the dishes out of the dishwasher. And every day I get upset. I find myself acting more and more like a martyr because I do most of the housework. It's not really the case so I need to get over myself. I relate to this blog so much. It's such a constant battle between being stressed and then feeling guilty for acting out on it.

  8. Seriously, with my first son (and I only have 2 boys), I was way stressed out. I was stressed out even more when lots of family was over. I wanted things to go a certain way and I become very defensive sometimes. It IS a stage of your life that WILL pass before you know it. You know that, but it is hard to believe as you are going through it. I see pictures of my 6 y/o as a baby and I hate that I don't always remember what was happening in those pictures. Things will get better soon! Go hug your son and play with more bowls! :)