I Shouldn't Let it Get to Me

But I do. Sorry honey...I know you read it occasionally.

I love my husband, and he is an amazing father in every way. As J grows older, I am moved to tears almost on a daily basis watching the two of them together. My husband is my son's buddy, that much is obvious. Although he wants Mama when he's sick, hurt, or hungry, Daddy was the first (and for a while, only) one that could get him to laugh.

And Daddy has praised my breastfeeding efforts from the very beginning, letting me know how impressed and appreciative he has always been that I provide our son's food, almost entirely on my own. When J would have a good doctor's appointment, he would beam at me and say "it's all of your good milk that's making him grow so well". And he would turn a blind eye when somewhere around the 1-month mark I became a voracious eater, eating nearly twice the serving size of carbs at dinner that my husband had. He helped me get down breastfeeding in public with a cover, and patiently made a trip across town to the health food store with me to buy supplies for lactation cookies when my supply was dwindling. In short, he has really been my biggest supporter and coach in breastfeeding.

So it shouldn't have hurt my feelings when this conversation occured this morning:

Him "How is your pumping going?"

Me "It's doing OK. Not as much as I used to get, probably about 10-12 oz a day."

Him "And he drinks 20 at daycare?"

Me "Well, about 18 on average."

Him "So, we're probably going to have to start buying formula?"

Me "At some point."

Him "That sucks."

Why this innocent comment has had me feeling bad all day, only my inner drama queen knows. I think I've done pretty well thus far and feel good for surpassing my 6 month goal. Because my family and I are thrifty coupon people, I actually got six 12.9oz sample cans of formula stockpiled before baby's arrival, and had to throw half of the first can out when it expired. The other two cans we've used I've had to scramble to use at the end of the 30 days since I opened it. I've come to terms with supplementation enough by now that the spendthrift took over and I would rather send my son with a higher formula to breastmilk ratio than usual for a few days than waste that formula. I still have 3 1/2 cans left. We have not paid a dime for formula. I figure I'm going through one can a month, which means that he will be over 10 months old when I'm done with the samples. At that point, we very well may be transitioning to more meals and less breastmilk, who knows.

Le sigh. But I still feel a little like a failure because my boobs just can't keep up with my "greedy little tittie monster" (as we so lovingly called him the first month).