Monday, March 8, 2010

If Any Men Read This, it's Time to Turn Away...

Because I'm going to talk about Menstruation. You have fair warning. And I'm not going into any gross details, but I get that this is not your favorite topic. Women, however (especially ones that have had a baby) loooove to discuss it.

Mostly, about how bad it sucks. I had forgotten. For fifteen and a half blissful months I have been monthly-visitor free. 2009 will go down for many reasons as being the best year of my life, number one being because I birthed the most beautiful baby boy to ever exist, and ranging right down to the fact that I did not have one. single. period. Period.

Something that's one of the few benefits to breastfeeding that is not freely advertised is that a majority of women do not get their periods until, on average, around seven months. Now, there are many factors to this, one being how exclusively you are able to breastfeed, and how early you start feeding solid foods and/or cutting back on feedings. (And don't go thinking that this means you aren't's is more difficult to get pregnant while breastfeeding, but it is not impossible.) But really, it's the luck of the draw, and I coasted along thinking I was good until BAM! A week after his six month birthday Aunt Flo arrived with balloons. Bitch.

The cramps were awful, and I still really can't take anything except ibuprofen or Tylenol. I don't know if they were awful because they are worse than pre-baby, or if it has just been so long since I've had that divine experience that I forgot how much they hurt.

But the real reason I'm hating it is because I have had beautiful skin since about midway through my second trimester, until now. I have at least three breakouts on my face, and a weird, itchy, painful bump on my chest. Seriously? This thing is like an alien, or a third nipple. When I touched it today I was instantly reminded of Chandler's "Nubbin". Or maybe it's like some wacky skin infection. It's all angry and raised and warm to the touch. This is NOT a normal pimple, people...this is a period pimple. They're so much worse, I promise! And I can't help but touch's already a habit after one day.

I want to go back to the old way...clear skin and happy times. No more bleeding, no more pimples, and certainly no more crazy hormones that cause me to act like some deranged manic-depressive nagging housewife!

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